DEAR ABBY: I'm a 46-year-old father of four, married to the same woman for 23 years. Being a parent is not easy. I know that child abuse statistics are soaring these days.

I've enclosed a prayer that came to mind one day in the midst of the daily chaos. If it causes one parent to pause long enough to avoid verbally, emotionally or physically hurting the child he or she loves, it will have been worth the effort of mailing it to you. -- JUST ANOTHER DAD IN ARIZONA

DEAR DAD: Rest assured, your effort was not wasted. I love the prayer -- and so will my readers. Read on:

PRAYER FOR A TIRED, IRRITABLE PARENT

Healthy children make lots of noise.

They sing, they shout, they belly laugh, they fight, they bang things together, they bounce things, they cry, they scream, they make lots of noise.

They play loud.

God, bless my healthy children. Give me new ears, ears that hear the music of their noise.

Give me new understanding, understanding that doesn't crush their spirits with my intolerance and oversensitivity.

Give me a new Peace, a Peace that is grateful for the sounds created by healthy children.

DEAR ABBY: This letter is prompted by the one about warning beepers on airport carts and heavy equipment. A "start-up" beeper on school buses would greatly reduce child-related accidents when the bus moves. Children forget to be careful after getting off the bus. A warning beep would let them know it is about to move.

It could probably be installed at a reasonable cost. Bus drivers could be mandated by law to wait for the timed beeps to cease before moving the vehicle, thus giving children time to move out of the way.

Don't you think this would save lives if action groups insisted that it be done? I do. -- R.K. COLLINGS, OTTAWA, ONTARIO, CANADA

DEAR R.K.: I do, too. And the expense would be minimal if you take into consideration the value of a child's life. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: In your response to a letter about warning beepers on airport carts, you mentioned back-up beepers on heavy equipment. I am in my mid-80s, and I can't turn around and look behind my car as well as I once could, so I had a back-up beeper installed on my car. It cost less than $50. Other seniors would be wise to have this device installed on their cars to protect those we may not see behind us. --DOMINIC BRUNO, DELTONA, FLA.

DEAR DOMINIC: Why only seniors? I'm sure drivers of every age occasionally put their cars into reverse without looking back. Such a warning for pedestrians, pets and children could save life and limb.

DEAR ABBY: Do you think a woman can be in love with two men at one time? -- PAT IN SPARTANBURG, S.C.

DEAR PAT: No. But she can be infatuated with two men (or more!) at the same time.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a teacher with more than 25 years invested in the lives of young people. You stress that parents need to provide their children with sex education because this is what will help them the most to make informed choices. May I present some pearls of wisdom from my experience and observations in working with youth?

Do all that you possibly can to help your children feel successful. Be their greatest fans. Encourage them to participate in activities that challenge and enrich them. Be generous with praise, both for efforts and accomplishments. Take time to write them special notes and look for cards to give them that contain messages of love and pride. (I still treasure the note my mother wrote to me when she felt she had neglected to acknowledge my hardworking efforts.)

Do things together. Hug them. Hug them again. The care and effort you extend to your children, in helping them build strong self-esteem, will generate huge dividends in the form of healthy, wholesome choices when they become teen-agers and young adults.

I can still hear my 30-year-old nephew telling us that as a child he always felt like a "good person" because we always told them what good kids they were. He became a teacher. -- STILL TEACHING AND TELLING THEM THEY'RE TERRIFIC

DEAR STILL TEACHING: Thank you for a terrific letter. I hope parents will take your message to heart. I was touched by the notepaper upon which your letter was written. Printed on it was: "GOALS. No one can predict to what heights you can soar until you spread your wings." How true.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I both have full-time jobs. Whenever I suggest that he help out more, his reply is always, "I do what I can."

Abby, if I had that attitude, our dog would be five years dead and the two cats multiplied to 400. The roof would have caved in on all the dust bunnies, a sink of dirty dishes and matching orange crates. Food in the refrigerator would be green and moldy with no way to cook it because of a broken stove. Utility companies would have turned off the power (but we'd still get a breeze through the broken window). Children's services would have arrested us for neglect, I'd still be wearing my college wardrobe, and my smile would reveal no teeth.

I've decided to throw myself a party. I'm inviting the veterinarian, roofer, appliance salesman, landscaper, but not my husband. He is finally going to have to do something -- like call an attorney. Sadly, however, he won't be left regretting his lack of familial duty. His mother will rescue her "baby boy" again.

Women: Take a lesson from someone who's been there. Find out just what it is he CAN do before buying a wedding dress! -- FINALLY FREE

DEAR FINALLY FREE: I am reminded of that old song, "It's So Nice to Have a Man Around the House." I'm sorry that yours failed to live up to your expectations.

In fairness, women should not automatically expect men to fix a roof (or a cat). However, if necessary, they should be able to call someone who can, and schedule an appointment.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: "Angry Arizona Mom" hates to make waves when her in-laws give her sons sips of alcohol. I, too, didn't make waves when my stepfather taught my younger son and nephew to smoke. I wanted the boys to have a good relationship with their grandfather. Today, they both smoke, and although they talk of quitting, they can't because they are so severely hooked.

I also said nothing when my brother and sister were slipping off during family parties to smoke a joint. As a result, I sent my own children the message that smoking joints was OK. My nephew ended up having his stomach pumped to save him from an overdose of drugs, and my son was discharged from military service due to his addiction to drugs.

I have finally wised-up, Abby. I have laid down the law to protect my grandchildren. If I had it to do over again, I would draw the line sooner. Parents must stand up for what is right. Hurting the feelings of in-laws is a small price to pay for protecting one's children. -- SADDER BUT WISER IN FLORIDA

DEAR WISER: I'm pleased you finally found the conviction to speak out for what you know is right. Children cannot be expected to know what they haven't been taught. That's why adults are supposed to make mature decisions even if they're not always popular. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I must respond to "Angry Mom in Arizona," whose father-in-law allows his young grandchildren to take "sips" of his beer.

I am a 37-year-old male writing from the Hillsborough County Jail in Tampa, Fla. I am here because of a fourth DUI (driving under the influence) arrest -- the result of 20 years of alcohol abuse.

Abby, I was brought up to sip from my dad's and uncles' beers. I vividly remember the first time I got drunk. I was 5. I honestly believe it triggered something in my body. I loved the taste.

Forget the legal issues and the morality of giving liquor to small children. Consider instead the very real danger of alcohol poisoning and a life of possible addiction!

That grandfather is doing something detrimental to the welfare of those innocent children. The parents should forget about "hurting his feelings" and put a stop to it.

I am finishing a court-ordered relapse program here in jail. I look forward to a clean and sober extended life when I am released. I have seen the hell of alcohol abuse and it's not pretty.

Please print this so others won't have to experience what I have been through. -- LOOKING FORWARD TO FREEDOM DEAR LOOKING FORWARD: If your testimonial doesn't get the attention of parents, nothing will. I have been told that children in families of alcoholics can have a genetic predisposition to the disease themselves, and that many alcoholics report having that same feeling of "completion" that you described upon tasting their first drink -- another reason why it's unwise to allow small children to develop a taste for alcohol.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)