DEAR ABBY: I am in love with a wonderful man who meets all my specifications for a lifetime mate, except one.

He is honest, healthy, good-looking (could pass for 58 to 60), financially secure, generous, very active socially, has a great attitude on life, a great set of friends, we are sexually compatible, and he loves my family and me more than any man ever has.

My problem? He is 70 years old. I am 52. I have told him if he were 58 I would marry him.

I greatly value your opinion. Could I be making the biggest mistake of my life? -- CONFUSED IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR CONFUSED: I don't know if it's the biggest -- but it's certainly in the top 2 percent. You say he's healthy and vigorous -- what could be your fear? If it's that you might be a young widow, consider this: You could marry a younger man with whom you have less in common, but he could keel over tomorrow. None of us has a contract with God.

DEAR ABBY: I know my question is probably one that you have answered many times, but it is still on my mind.

I have met the most amazing guy -- and he's just indescribably delicious. I love him more than anything. From the first moment I saw him, it's been like magic.

I need to know: Is it possible to find true love in your teen-age years? What are the odds? And if so, what is the chance it will last? -- LIZ IN LONG VALLEY, N.J.

DEAR LIZ: Yes, it's possible to find true love in your teen-age years. I did. I was 16 when I met my husband-to-be, Morton Phillips, who was in his freshman year of college. (I didn't find out until later that he was 6 weeks younger than me!) Of course, we waited until we were 21 to be married, and people married younger back then. We've been married 62 years.

Today I advise couples to wait to marry until they have both completed their education. People grow as they mature, and sometimes they grow in different directions. I also urge young women to refrain from marriage until they have acquired enough education to support themselves and their children should they have to, because unfortunately, they often have to.

DEAR ABBY: When my children play outside, their friends ask them for snacks and drinks. While I usually encourage them to share, I simply cannot afford to feed all the neighbors' kids in addition to my own four. How do I say no and still set a good example? -- ON A BUDGET IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR ON A BUDGET: I'm not sure you should say no. Surely, once in a while you can provide something nutritious to the hungry children without bankrupting yourself. A pitcher of lemonade and a bowl of popcorn or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is affordable -- and the "fixings" can be purchased in bulk for little money. I hope you'll reconsider your stance in this matter.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: The letter from Lowell K. Allen, who served on the submarine "Cato" in World War II, contained some errors. First and foremost, there never was a submarine called the Cato. Also, there is not now, never has and never will be a 20 mm submachine gun. I think the man meant to say a Thompson .45-caliber submachine gun.

He did correctly point out, however, that even the so-called "educated" make mistakes. I spent 30 years in the Navy, 1943-1973, and there are documented cases of deck guns being fired "accidentally." -- J. PAUL SURPREMANT, LCDR U.S. NAVY (RET.), FLORIDA

DEAR PAUL: Thank you and the other readers who pointed out the inaccuracies in that letter. Because of a typographical error at my syndicate, Mr. Allen's ship was referred to as the "Cato." Mr. Allen served on the USS Gato (SS212).

I contacted Mr. Allen, who apologized for incorrectly referring to the gun as a 20 mm submachine gun, and said it was probably a .45-caliber submachine gun as many readers accurately guessed. Also, two initials were transposed in Mr. Allen's rank. He was RMCS, meaning Radio Man, Chief, Senior.

I appreciate the fact that so many people took the time to write and point out the errors. You are all heroes in my book. However, I didn't write that column because I have an "anti-gun agenda." I wrote it because I am anti-gun from the bottom of my heart.

DEAR ABBY: My son, "Marty," and his wife, "Darla," recently spent a week with me in my home. I worked very hard to make their visit enjoyable. One evening I planned a lovely dinner. After we finished, I asked Darla if she would help me clear the table. She looked at me as if I had mortally wounded her -- and walked out of the room!

Later, I approached Marty and told him how upset I was over Darla's behavior. He replied, "This isn't the 1950s, Mom. She doesn't have to help." He also said that Darla was never taught to express appreciation and wasn't raised to do housework. (She didn't lift a finger the entire week.)

That was three weeks ago. I haven't heard a word from them since they left. Was I wrong in asking my daughter-in-law to help? -- UPSET MOM IN FLORIDA

DEAR UPSET: Certainly not. And I hope your son didn't just sit there, since I assume you raised him to lend a hand when there's a job to be done.

You are not going to change Darla. The next time they visit, go to restaurants or buy take-out food and serve it on paper plates.

I hope that when you pay them a visit, they pamper you as you pampered them -- but don't hold your breath. As tempting as it would be not to lift a finger, I know it's not in your DNA to play the helpless houseguest.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MARTHA IN MOBILE: Look carefully before you leap. Experience is the comb life gives you after you've lost your hair.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I quit smoking today. It may not seem like a great accomplishment to most people, but I'm 37 years old and have smoked since I was in seventh grade. Like many others, I tried for years to kick the habit, but I guess I never really had the proper motivation to do it.

I was looking at some photographs I took while my family was home last Christmas, and came to the last picture I ever took of my mother. We lost her just after New Year's. It was something none of us in the family ever expected. She had a massive heart attack.

Burying my mother was the toughest thing I have ever done. I don't want my kids to see me in a casket before I reach retirement age. Mother had very high blood pressure, for which she had been treated. We thought she was doing pretty well. Her treatment included quitting smoking a year ago. Unfortunately for her, she quit too late.

Please remind your readers that cancer isn't the only possible result of smoking. Smoking can also lead to high blood pressure that leads to heart trouble. -- SMOKE-FREE IN INDIANA

DEAR SMOKE-FREE: I offer my sympathy for the untimely loss of your mother. It's sad to say, but sometimes it takes the death of someone near and dear to convince us that we're not immortal. I commend you for your decision to finally quit smoking. If someone is looking for a reason to quit, your letter may provide an incentive.

DEAR ABBY: A fifth couple in our circle of friends recently ended their marriage. When I asked the husbands what happened, each said much the same thing: "When we were first married, I was the most important person in my wife's life. With each child, my place was shifted farther and farther back until I felt totally forgotten."

These husbands told me that "neglect" made them vulnerable to someone who did show them some attention. You know the rest.

When I asked the wives what happened, they said they didn't know -- but guessed that they "just drifted apart and their interests changed." None of them knew how their husbands felt.

I have also heard women say that their affair was the result of not feeling important at home. If only both spouses knew how important a little TLC is to his or her partner, there might be more lasting marriages. Abby, please warn your readers not to take their spouses for granted. Their partners should never feel they are at the bottom of the priority list. -- HAPPILY MARRIED HUSBAND

DEAR HAPPILY MARRIED: While doing your research, you picked up valuable information about the demise of many marriages: When children arrive, it's a given that life becomes busy and complicated. However, couples must make finding time for each other a priority. Both spouses need to remember that one day "the kids" will fly the nest, and for a marriage to survive, it must be infused with the necessary nutrients -- love, attention and respect, to name a few.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)