DEAR ABBY: I recently took my father to my 11-year-old son's Little League game. While my son's team was at bat, a ball was hit up the first base line. The first baseman made a gallant attempt to catch the ball, but missed and it went into the outfield.

The right fielder stopped the runner at second base, and my father shouted to the first baseman, "You should have made that play!"

Concerned that he would hurt the boy's feelings, I told Dad he shouldn't shout at the boy. My father then became angry with me and said the boy needs to know that he "screwed up" so he would "learn from his mistakes."

My father's loud lecture embarrassed me. I told him after he calmed down that I would be sitting in the bleachers. A few minutes later, I looked for him and saw that he was walking home. I had driven him to the game. We have not spoken since.

I feel it is the coach's responsibility to instruct the players. Parents who attend should be supportive, not negative. Was I wrong to defend the boy and "insult" my father? -- FRUSTRATED LITTLE LEAGUE DAD

DEAR FRUSTRATED: The job of parents and grandparents at children's sporting events is to cheer them on. Your father's remarks were not helpful. They were hurtful to the first baseman's self-esteem. The boy couldn't help but know that he goofed.

Call your father and point out to him that he didn't like being corrected in public -- he got angry and walked home -- so why would he think a young first baseman would appreciate being yelled at by a stranger? Perhaps that will help him view his actions in a different light. If it doesn't, buy him some peanuts and Cracker Jack -- and leave him home.

DEAR ABBY: It's rare nowadays to find nice people willing to help a complete stranger. That's why I want to share this with you:

I live in Cheyenne, Wyo. I was seven months pregnant and was driving alone to Thermopolis, five hours away.

Three hours into my trip, I found myself in a major snowstorm. I couldn't go on and I couldn't turn back, so I left the interstate the first chance I got. The nearest town had only one gas station, one motel and two restaurants. Neither of the restaurants accepted credit cards, and all the rooms at the motel were already booked. I waited with other stranded motorists for the weather to clear. Unfortunately, it just got worse. The highway patrol eventually closed all the roads.

A wonderful couple checked into their room and invited me to share it with them. Then they bought me dinner. They refused to accept anything from me except my profuse thanks.

I never expected to meet people willing to put themselves out for someone they didn't even know. In this age of distrust, it's reassuring to know that there are still wonderful people out there. -- VALERIE GIBSON

DEAR VALERIE: Thank you for sharing your experience. As more and more people have written to me relating random acts of kindness, it is clearly apparent that generosity of spirit is alive and well in our country.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: A 70-year-old man wrote that he has been seeing a recently widowed woman, and they are considering living together. He asked how he should introduce a live-in companion to friends. You gave him a variety of choices, running the gamut from "best friend," "partner" and "sweetheart" to "friend."

Abby, there is NO acceptable term to call someone you are shacked-up with. A person's age does not matter. If they are living together in sin, that is what it is!

We need to stop accepting unacceptable behavior. Your best advice for "Confused" should have been to do the right thing: Marry the lady. -- TIRED OF ALL THIS MISBEHAVING, SANTEE, CALIF.

DEAR TIRED: I disagree. The gentleman did not ask whether or not he should marry the lady. Times have changed. Seniors who live together choose to do so for a variety of reasons, which are usually well thought out. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Tell the 70-year-old Florida widower not to hesitate in calling the widow his wife. Long before governments issued licenses, a marriage was -- and still is -- essentially an oral contract. A license per se does not keep people married. A license is simply a matter of record against any litigation.

If an elderly couple has spelled out all their health and financial involvements for each other, let them be husband and wife. Our courts still rule fairly whether every detail is spelled out or a marriage license is in sight.

Certainly the license concept is good, as it prohibits underage unions and marriage falsifications. But for the government to use it as a gun to rob the elderly of pension or handicap benefits is a disservice.

Why California needs to charge a $60-plus marriage license fee (tax) is another issue. It's an impediment to the poor. Maybe Florida charges as much. Yes -- she can be his "best friend," etc., but in God's eyes and those of their witnesses, that couple can also be husband and wife. -- PASTOR WIL NUCKOLLS, FAIR OAKS, CALIF.

DEAR PASTOR NUCKOLLS: I admire your compassion and your wisdom. I know there are pastors such as yourself who are willing to perform "commitment ceremonies." I hope the couple in question takes your letter to heart.

DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband passed away recently. We were married for 17 years -- divorced for 16 -- and we had three children. Both of us had happily remarried years ago.

Since his death, my closest friends (and even my sister) keep asking me, "Are you OK?" "Are you going to be all right?" I find this very annoying.

I think their sympathy should be expressed to my children instead of me. Have you any suggestions as to what I can say to them? -- EX-WIFE IN KENTUCKY

DEAR EX-WIFE: Your certainly don't want it to appear that you don't care that your ex-husband has died. Simply say: "Yes, I'm fine. I'm sure the children would love to hear from you."

DEAR ABBY: I would like to add this to your "You Know When You're Getting Old" collection:

You know you're getting old when you don't recognize a single celebrity in the "Today's Birthday" column of your newspaper! -- JOSEPH H. ZIMMERMAN, WILMINGTON, DEL.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am the youngest of five siblings. There is a large age gap between my older siblings and me, and quite frankly, despite the fact that I am now a 38-year-old physician, they seem not to take me seriously.

My problem is that my family members insist upon calling me while I am at work. I am a surgeon, and although you might find this hard to believe, these folks think that because they are "family" it's OK to contact me at any time during the day. I have tried to explain that I need to focus on my patients during office hours, but they continue to call, write and send packages to me at the office.

I have instructed my staff not to interrupt me and to inform any family member who calls that I prefer to be called at home, unless there is a life-threatening emergency. My father and oldest brother have actually been rude to my staff and have later chastised me for my policy. Every member of my family has my home address and telephone number, but the behavior continues. Complicating the matter, my family has never cared much for my beloved wife of eight years, whom they have wrongly accused of not passing on messages.

What steps would you take to remedy this behavior? My family members read your column, so your response would be greatly appreciated. -- TROUBLED IN TACOMA

DEAR TROUBLED: I don't blame you for feeling annoyed. Despite your considerable achievements, your parents and siblings still regard you as the baby of the family who should be available to them at the drop of a scalpel. That you have a medical practice to maintain is less important to them than immediate gratification. Since your requests to receive personal calls at home are ignored, instructing your staff to protect you is about the best you can do.

P.S. Perhaps if you returned their calls promptly, your wife would not be blamed so often for failing to relay phone messages.

DEAR ABBY: My family needs your help to solve a serious problem that is causing hard feelings. My wife's cousin, who is from a middle-class family, is being married this summer. He and the bride are planning a large wedding, and we were told the invitations will state "formal attire."

Abby, very few, if any, of the guests own formal attire, and family members feel the dress code is rude and inconsiderate. It creates an expense we should not have to bear to attend the wedding.

I also need to know if we will be expected to purchase a gift for the couple if we go to the expense of buying formal attire. It seems to us that our presence in expensive formal attire should be present enough. What should the family do about attending the wedding with this restriction on the attire of the guests? -- CONFUSED IN OVERLAND PARK, KAN.

DEAR CONFUSED: The cost of attire is not a substitute for a wedding gift. If you rent or buy formal wear and attend, you should stretch your budget far enough to get the couple at least a token gift. However, if attending a formal wedding will create a financial hardship, send the couple your very best wishes on this happy occasion, along with your regrets for skipping the ceremony.

DEAR ABBY: The item in your column, "You know you're getting older when ...," prompts this letter. This really happened to me:

You know you're old when your doctor is the same age as your grandchildren. What a wake-up call that was! -- BRIAR MC CUTCHEON, PORTLAND, ORE.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)