DEAR ABBY: My letter concerns the one from "Steve in Minnesota," who wrote about teen-age pregnancy. I understand why he says people don't realize how difficult parenthood is until they find out the hard way. Once it happens, their lives are changed forever. However, these points should be made to young people before they decide to have children. What does it say to those who are already parents?

I am a 17-year-old mother of a beautiful 8-month-old daughter. Teen-age mothers are often perceived as young girls who have ruined our lives. However, we haven't ruined our lives -- we have just made them a little more complicated.

I earned my high school diploma and work at a great job in an office where I make far more than minimum wage. I will soon start college to pursue my dream of becoming a registered nurse.

I played with fire and have to deal with the consequences. Having kids is a responsibility not to be taken lightly, but it's not the end of the world. There are plenty of places that help young mothers achieve their goals and open up windows of opportunity. -- OPTIMISTIC IN TEXAS

DEAR OPTIMISTIC: I commend you for your maturity. Children should be considered a blessing -- not a punishment for sexual irresponsibility.

Many counties in the United States have family social service agencies that offer classes in parenting skills to teen-age parents, maternal and child health-care clinics, job training, and individual and family counseling. However, not all very young parents are up to the task of meeting the challenges you have so responsibly assumed. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from "Steve in Minnesota," may I share my experience? I am the result of a teen-age pregnancy. My parents dropped out of high school to marry six months before I was born. My sister was born three years later. Within a year of her birth, my parents divorced. I did not have a happy childhood.

My parents had little patience with children. Mother gave custody to my father because she wanted to return to school. She eventually earned an engineering degree and has a successful career, but I seldom saw her as I was growing up.

My father never completed high school and was frequently unemployed. Both my parents had many problems to deal with because they became parents at such a young age.

I am now a parent myself. I waited until I was mature enough to handle it. I can't imagine being a mother at 17, like my mother was -- but I know I wouldn't have been as good a parent as I am now. My husband is a terrific father and our daughter is a happy, well-adjusted child. -- GROWN-UP MOM IN ONTARIO, CANADA

DEAR MOM: I hope that teens who read your letter will heed its cautionary message. Although the United States has the highest teen pregnancy rate in the Western world, contrary to popular belief, American teens did NOT invent sex. I have read that teens in Europe are more sexually active. However, because Europeans are far more open about discussing sex within families, their teen-agers behave more like adults than those in the United States. When European teens reach 16 or 17, they are expected to behave responsibly about sexual matters and visit family planning clinics to obtain information and contraceptives as needed. Perhaps we should take a page out of their book.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I was bicycling through the park when I noticed a young woman dressed in black picking lilies along the side of the path.

I stopped and asked her why she was picking flowers. "I am going to a funeral today," she replied. I told her that while I understood why she was picking the flowers, she was still wrong to do so, because no one else going through the park would be able to enjoy them.

Abby, now I feel guilty that I confronted her. Didn't she have enough to worry about? After all, she was going to a funeral! Although I still feel that I did the right thing, was there another way of handling this? -- CIVIC-MINDED BUT CONFUSED

DEAR CIVIC-MINDED: Your direct approach was appropriate at the time you first noticed her picking the flowers. Black is a popular fashion choice, and you couldn't have known she was on her way to a funeral.

You were right. She should not have been picking the flowers, and your comment should give her food for thought. However, I suspect you'd be feeling less guilty right now if -- once she told you about the funeral -- you had expressed your condolences for her loss and then quietly gone on your way.

DEAR ABBY: My sister and I are married to brothers whose wealthy aunt invites the family for Easter dinner every year. This is a potluck meal, and she requests that we each bring double recipes. This year, my sister was asked to bring two cakes and another guest to bring pies. After our main course was served, the table was cleared and out came thin slices of pie. There was no sign of my sister's cakes!

After the meal, this aunt was busy in the kitchen putting away all of the leftover food. No one was offered anything to take home. Do you think my sister should have asked for her two cakes that were not served? She has a large family, and those cakes would have been enjoyed by them.

This is not the first time this has happened. By the way, there are only 12 adults at this gathering. What do you think of this? -- DISGUSTED IN DETROIT

DEAR DISGUSTED: I think your hostess takes the cake! For a hostess to solicit double portions for a potluck dinner, and then to hoard the goodies for another occasion, shows poor manners, worse judgment, and creates abysmal family relations. It would have been entirely appropriate for your sister to ask for at least one of the cakes to take home to her family. Next year, suggest to this aunt that any food not served be split among the guests.

DEAR ABBY: Please help me. My roommates are ruining my life. I'm a female freshman in college and live in South Carolina. I am living with three guys. Most of the time they're great -- until I bring home my dates.

They all have great social lives, so I see no reason why they feel the need to take apart my car, hide my clothes and scare my dates. They say it's for my own protection, but at this rate, I'll be an old maid forever.

What can I do to stop their foolishness before they scare away Mr. Right? -- DATELESS AND HOPELESS

DEAR DATELESS: Your roommates may regard their behavior as funny, or brotherly and protective. However, their methods are heavy-handed, intimidating, and an indication of their immaturity.

Make other living arrangements and get out of there as quickly as possible. And next time, share accommodations with female roommates.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: This letter is in response to "Careful Mom in Washington," whose father-in-law thought she was crazy because she refused to take her young son on an old boat without an infant lifejacket.

On a lovely day in June 1986, my husband, who couldn't swim but refused to wear a lifejacket, took our 3-year-old son, "Ronnie," fishing in the new "unsinkable" boat I had bought to protect them. My rule from day one for Ronnie was "no lifejacket, no water."

While they were fishing, my husband somehow fell out of the boat. Ronnie went into the water to look for his father. He couldn't find him. Ronnie floated aimlessly for an hour before a wonderful teen-age boy spotted him and rowed to his rescue.

Had I not insisted that my son wear a lifejacket, I would have tragically lost both my husband and Ronnie.

My husband was an adult who had a right to make his own choices in life. However, those choices ended his life far too soon.

Our son could not make his own choices. As a parent, I made them for him. Fortunately, I made the right ones to protect him.

I hope "Careful Mom" shows this letter to her father-in-law, and I hope she'll stick to her rules even if it means being ridiculed. -- ANOTHER CAREFUL MOM IN WASHINGTON

DEAR ANOTHER CAREFUL MOM: Please accept my sympathy for the untimely death of your husband, and please also accept my congratulations for your strength in insisting that your son be protected.

Now that Ronnie is 17, you might suggest some counseling if he feels responsible for his father's death or has "survivor guilt." Read on:

DEAR ABBY: This is to "Careful Mom in Washington." You were not out of line by refusing to let your 13-month-old son go on your father-in-law's boat without an infant lifejacket. I commend you for your decision!

Inform your father-in-law that the state of Washington has a law that requires lifejackets for children up to 11 or 12; and a federal law requires a device of the "appropriate size" for each person on board (including Coast Guard-approved lifejackets that fit children).

It's critical that parents try a lifejacket in a pool to be sure it fits the child properly.

My advice to your father-in-law is either to take a Coast Guard-approved boating safety course, or sell the boat and take up knitting! -- RONNIE ON THE RIVER

DEAR RONNIE: Many readers felt compelled to write in support of the mother's decision. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I have just finished reading the letter from the woman whose father-in-law is giving her the cold shoulder because she refused to take her infant on his rickety old boat after he had a couple of beers -- and without an infant lifejacket!

I once worked in a maritime law firm. One of my jobs was typing notes into computer files. About 80 percent of the boating accidents were alcohol-related. More than half resulted in deaths, paralysis, brain damage, lost limbs, etc.

Let that father-in-law stew. He was wrong, and she was right to put her own and her child's safety first. -- SAFE ON PUGET SOUND

DEAR SAFE: If your letter doesn't convince people to wear lifejackets, and to refrain from mixing alcohol with boating, nothing will. Please, readers, have a safe and sane summer on our nation's waterways.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)