DEAR ABBY: I was bicycling through the park when I noticed a young woman dressed in black picking lilies along the side of the path.

I stopped and asked her why she was picking flowers. "I am going to a funeral today," she replied. I told her that while I understood why she was picking the flowers, she was still wrong to do so, because no one else going through the park would be able to enjoy them.

Abby, now I feel guilty that I confronted her. Didn't she have enough to worry about? After all, she was going to a funeral! Although I still feel that I did the right thing, was there another way of handling this? -- CIVIC-MINDED BUT CONFUSED

DEAR CIVIC-MINDED: Your direct approach was appropriate at the time you first noticed her picking the flowers. Black is a popular fashion choice, and you couldn't have known she was on her way to a funeral.

You were right. She should not have been picking the flowers, and your comment should give her food for thought. However, I suspect you'd be feeling less guilty right now if -- once she told you about the funeral -- you had expressed your condolences for her loss and then quietly gone on your way.

DEAR ABBY: My sister and I are married to brothers whose wealthy aunt invites the family for Easter dinner every year. This is a potluck meal, and she requests that we each bring double recipes. This year, my sister was asked to bring two cakes and another guest to bring pies. After our main course was served, the table was cleared and out came thin slices of pie. There was no sign of my sister's cakes!

After the meal, this aunt was busy in the kitchen putting away all of the leftover food. No one was offered anything to take home. Do you think my sister should have asked for her two cakes that were not served? She has a large family, and those cakes would have been enjoyed by them.

This is not the first time this has happened. By the way, there are only 12 adults at this gathering. What do you think of this? -- DISGUSTED IN DETROIT

DEAR DISGUSTED: I think your hostess takes the cake! For a hostess to solicit double portions for a potluck dinner, and then to hoard the goodies for another occasion, shows poor manners, worse judgment, and creates abysmal family relations. It would have been entirely appropriate for your sister to ask for at least one of the cakes to take home to her family. Next year, suggest to this aunt that any food not served be split among the guests.

DEAR ABBY: Please help me. My roommates are ruining my life. I'm a female freshman in college and live in South Carolina. I am living with three guys. Most of the time they're great -- until I bring home my dates.

They all have great social lives, so I see no reason why they feel the need to take apart my car, hide my clothes and scare my dates. They say it's for my own protection, but at this rate, I'll be an old maid forever.

What can I do to stop their foolishness before they scare away Mr. Right? -- DATELESS AND HOPELESS

DEAR DATELESS: Your roommates may regard their behavior as funny, or brotherly and protective. However, their methods are heavy-handed, intimidating, and an indication of their immaturity.

Make other living arrangements and get out of there as quickly as possible. And next time, share accommodations with female roommates.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: This letter is in response to "Careful Mom in Washington," whose father-in-law thought she was crazy because she refused to take her young son on an old boat without an infant lifejacket.

On a lovely day in June 1986, my husband, who couldn't swim but refused to wear a lifejacket, took our 3-year-old son, "Ronnie," fishing in the new "unsinkable" boat I had bought to protect them. My rule from day one for Ronnie was "no lifejacket, no water."

While they were fishing, my husband somehow fell out of the boat. Ronnie went into the water to look for his father. He couldn't find him. Ronnie floated aimlessly for an hour before a wonderful teen-age boy spotted him and rowed to his rescue.

Had I not insisted that my son wear a lifejacket, I would have tragically lost both my husband and Ronnie.

My husband was an adult who had a right to make his own choices in life. However, those choices ended his life far too soon.

Our son could not make his own choices. As a parent, I made them for him. Fortunately, I made the right ones to protect him.

I hope "Careful Mom" shows this letter to her father-in-law, and I hope she'll stick to her rules even if it means being ridiculed. -- ANOTHER CAREFUL MOM IN WASHINGTON

DEAR ANOTHER CAREFUL MOM: Please accept my sympathy for the untimely death of your husband, and please also accept my congratulations for your strength in insisting that your son be protected.

Now that Ronnie is 17, you might suggest some counseling if he feels responsible for his father's death or has "survivor guilt." Read on:

DEAR ABBY: This is to "Careful Mom in Washington." You were not out of line by refusing to let your 13-month-old son go on your father-in-law's boat without an infant lifejacket. I commend you for your decision!

Inform your father-in-law that the state of Washington has a law that requires lifejackets for children up to 11 or 12; and a federal law requires a device of the "appropriate size" for each person on board (including Coast Guard-approved lifejackets that fit children).

It's critical that parents try a lifejacket in a pool to be sure it fits the child properly.

My advice to your father-in-law is either to take a Coast Guard-approved boating safety course, or sell the boat and take up knitting! -- RONNIE ON THE RIVER

DEAR RONNIE: Many readers felt compelled to write in support of the mother's decision. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I have just finished reading the letter from the woman whose father-in-law is giving her the cold shoulder because she refused to take her infant on his rickety old boat after he had a couple of beers -- and without an infant lifejacket!

I once worked in a maritime law firm. One of my jobs was typing notes into computer files. About 80 percent of the boating accidents were alcohol-related. More than half resulted in deaths, paralysis, brain damage, lost limbs, etc.

Let that father-in-law stew. He was wrong, and she was right to put her own and her child's safety first. -- SAFE ON PUGET SOUND

DEAR SAFE: If your letter doesn't convince people to wear lifejackets, and to refrain from mixing alcohol with boating, nothing will. Please, readers, have a safe and sane summer on our nation's waterways.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a beautiful 20-year-old daughter. She's currently home from college for a break. She spends a great deal of time in our back yard sunning by the pool and swimming. This is fine, but my concern is that she's doing it in the nude.

Now I am far from a prude, Abby, and do most of my own sunning and swimming in the nude as well. My concern is that I am recently remarried, and my daughter doesn't bother to cover up when my new husband is home. She seems just as comfortable nude in front of him as she is in front of me. This seems odd, because this is only the third or fourth time my daughter has met him.

I am further conflicted because my husband obviously enjoys looking at my daughter while she's naked. She has a great body. My husband has been constantly aroused, and this has been leading to some of the best sex I have ever had. When I thought we were falling into a rut, all of a sudden we're making love twice a day. I love it!

My daughter is home for one more week. I'm not sure whether to say anything to her or not. I'm certainly enjoying the side benefit of her exhibitionism. Should I just enjoy this week knowing that she'll be back at summer school soon? -- CONFUSED BUT ENJOYING

DEAR CONFUSED: Speak up now. By allowing this to continue, you are playing with dynamite. While your daughter has probably learned the habit of swimming and sunbathing in the nude from you, the fact that she is doing this in front of your new husband -- whom she has only recently met -- is extremely inappropriate.

Consider the future. What if your daughter decides to spend other vacations with you? You won't be able to let your husband out of your sight. And if he surprises you, and turns out to be capable of making love three times a day, it could mean the end of your marriage.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I brought his mom to live with us two years ago. She's almost 88 and could no longer take care of herself. This has totally changed our life. She had been living in another state where her other son is. He comes up to see her every month or so -- that's all he does for her.

She went to stay at his home last summer for one week so we could get away. We want to go away again this summer and would like for him to take her. He and his wife are giving us excuse after excuse why they can't. We are upset and feel this is unfair.

Abby, they should work it out. We do everything for Mom and brought her back to better health. What do you suggest we do? -- UPSET IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR UPSET: I agree that taking Mom for one week in the summer so that you and your husband can have a week of respite should not be too much to ask. However, since your brother-in-law and his wife have made it plain that they are not prepared to do so, your only other option is to find someone who's willing to come in and be a companion for Mom while you're away.

Consider contacting the National Federation of Interfaith Volunteer Caregivers. Founded in 1987, through a grant from the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, NFIVC helps organize human compassion into caring acts of service for anyone who is chronically ill, frail or alone.

The address is: 1 W. Armour Blvd., Suite 202, Kansas City, MO 64111. The phone number is: (816) 931-5442, and the Web site is: www.nfivc.org.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)