DEAR ABBY: Get out the wet noodle for your answer to "A Parent in Oregon." As a public school teacher, I'd be insulted if I received a package of construction paper or pencils as an end-of-the-year gift.

The No. 1 thing teachers would like is respect. This can be demonstrated with a kind note (and a copy to the principal). A gift certificate to a bookstore or restaurant is also a wonderful way to show that a teacher is appreciated. The appropriateness of the gift, of course, will depend on the situation of the family, the school and the teacher -- but a gift from the heart of a child is always special. -- MARILYN FUNDERBURK, ARLINGTON, TEXAS

DEAR MARILYN: I was unprepared for the flood of mail I received from teachers, informing me that my suggestions were off base. A male teacher recently wrote to say he would welcome stock certificates and T-bills. In years past I have received letters from teachers who requested the items I mentioned. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Having spent 32 years in the classroom, 30 of them in inner-city schools, what would be wonderful would be gift certificates to a moderately priced take-out restaurant for the times I'm too swamped to prepare meals (or to celebrate making it to the end of another year!). Also, movie tickets to use during the summer -- or even a gift certificate to a "dollar store" for those incidentals that a teacher can never afford for his or her classroom or home. But please, no school supplies at the end of the year. That's like giving a nurse a thermometer or tongue depressors. -- RETIRED IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR ABBY: Give the lasting gift of books. For teachers who don't have their own classroom (i.e. P.E. teachers), a book can be donated to the entire school and placed in the school library. Our budgets never allow us to buy all the books our students need. -- THIRD-GRADE TEACHER IN DENVER

DEAR ABBY: Teachers have enough cups, mugs, candles and candies. Our class is contributing to a group gift to send our wonderful teachers for a spa treatment. When everyone chips in, it's affordable. We know it's something they would never do for themselves. We can't wait to present it. -- LOTS OF IDEAS IN SEATTLE

DEAR ABBY: I recommend giving the teacher cash. I know of no good teacher who is overpaid. Cash for the underpaid is much better than spa visits, gift certificates, supplies or the usual gifts that teachers receive. None of my son's teachers has ever refused the cash or returned my gifts. -- PARENT IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR ABBY: We live in a small community. In its wisdom, our school board ruled: "In fairness to all families, NO child shall give gifts to any of his or her teachers." This was a blessed relief to those of us who couldn't keep up with the Joneses. -- AVID READER, WINTER HAVEN, FLA.

DEAR ABBY: I retired last year after 35 years of teaching. The one thing my students gave me that meant more than anything else: a note expressing appreciation for whatever I had done to help them during that year. Those cards and letters are more precious to me as time goes by. Rereading them, I recall sweet faces, special things about those kids, and the wonderful times we had together. They are priceless. -- KAY FRIEDRICH, ATHENS, GA.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: You suggested that we all give our mothers a mammogram for Mother's Day. May I also suggest that we give our fathers a prostate cancer screening for Father's Day?

Prostate cancer is the second-leading cancer cause of death among American males, the first being lung cancer. A man's chance of getting prostate cancer exceeds a woman's chance of getting breast cancer. According to the American Cancer Society, a woman's chance of developing invasive breast cancer from birth to death is 12.56 percent, while a man's chance of developing invasive prostate cancer is 15.91 percent. In both diseases, early detection is the key to survival.

Abby, this information must be given to all men and the women who love them. -- MAYNARD BERKOWITZ, MINDEN, NEV.

DEAR MAYNARD: You're right; men should be screened for cancer, too. According to the American Cancer Society (ACS), in this year alone 180,400 men will be diagnosed with prostate cancer. May I add that, in addition to prostate cancer, males should be encouraged also to be checked for breast cancer. Although they may not realize it, they, too, are at risk for breast cancer.

The ACS has designated June as Prostate Cancer Awareness month. So, sons, daughters and wives, in addition to the cologne, neckties and fishing gear you've given for Father's Day, consider a post-Father's Day gift of chipping in on Dad's cancer screenings. It could be the gift of a lifetime.

For more information contact the ACS at (800) 227-2345, or visit the Web site at www.cancer.org. The Web site offers a free program called Man to Man, where specially trained prostate cancer survivors offer support to newly diagnosed patients. It also has an interactive section where people who have questions about prostate cancer can e-mail oncology nurses who provide answers and referrals.

DEAR ABBY: My 64-year-old sister, who lives with my 87-year-old mother in Mom's house (and is partly subsidized by Mom), is verbally abusive and disrespectful to her. If Dad were still alive, she would not dare to act this way.

Recently my sister had the gall to say to Mom, "I'll probably die before you do -- and all of the money will go to my sister!" In other words, she's telling our mother to give her money now or hurry up and die. (My sister's health is OK.)

They won't listen to me, but they both read your column. Could you please publish your opinion? With thanks from ... SIBLING OF A SERPENT-TONGUED SISTER IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SISTER: You didn't mention how your sister and your mother normally get along, or whether your mother is usually able to give as good as she gets. However, from my perspective your sister made a very hostile remark. If your mother is considering parting with money, perhaps it should be spent for some counseling sessions for her live-in daughter. It would be better than spending it to hire a food taster.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: After my dad died several years ago, I wrote a tribute to him. My friends, some of them former Marines like me, said it expressed what they felt and remembered about their fathers.

I seldom see published tributes by sons to their fathers. Perhaps it's not macho to write such poems. If you feel this amateurish effort should be shared with others, I'd be honored to see it in your column on Father's Day. -- WILLIAM W. BARTSCH JR., KINGS PARK, N.Y.

DEAR WILLIAM: You have written a beautiful tribute, and I'm pleased to share it with my readers on this holiday. Read on:

REMEMBERING DAD

A soft scratch of whiskers pressed on my face,

Bear-hugging squeezes

A rough gentle grace.

Running and racing, letting me win,

Falling asleep

My cheek on his chin.

The strong smell of work, of tools and of sweat,

Of dust and of rust

I'll never forget.

After-shave lotion, paint cans and pails,

Tie clips and cufflinks,

Galvanized nails.

Basements and attics, out-of-date ties,

Oceans and rivers

Fished at sunrise.

Whiskers grew grayer, yet scratched just the same,

And wrinkles were etched

On a more fragile frame.

Oh, how I long for that rough-whiskered kiss,

That sweet scratch of love

So dearly I miss.

DEAR ABBY: Raising children takes patience and a lot of humor. I'm passing this tongue-in-cheek tribute to fathers along to you hoping that you will print it for Father's Day. -- A FRIEND IN IRVINE, CALIF.

DEAR FRIEND: It is both humorous and touching, and oh, so true. I'm pleased to share it:

A TRIBUTE TO FATHERS

My father when I was age ...

4: My daddy can do anything.

5: My daddy knows a whole lot.

6: My dad is smarter than your dad.

8: My dad doesn't exactly know everything.

10: In the olden days when my dad grew up, things were sure different.

12: Oh, well naturally, Father doesn't know anything about that. He is too old to remember his childhood.

14: Don't pay attention to my father. He is so old-fashioned!

21: Him? My Lord, he's hopelessly out-of-date.

25: Dad knows a little bit about it, but then he should because he has been around so long.

30: Maybe we should ask Dad what he thinks. After all, he's had a lot of experience.

35: I'm not doing a single thing until I talk to Dad.

40: I wonder how Dad would have handled it. He was so wise and had a world of experience.

50: I'd give anything if Dad were here now so I could talk this over with him. Too bad I didn't appreciate how smart he was. I could have learned a lot from him.

-- ANONYMOUS

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)