DEAR ABBY: My mother, who lives in California, recently received a page torn from a newspaper with a handwritten note attached that said, "Jenny, try it. It works!" It was a full-page ad for a weight-loss product.

My husband's "Aunt Ethel," who lives in Ohio, got the same thing with her name handwritten on it. Neither of the notes had a signature.

Both my mother and Aunt Ethel thought it was an attack from an acquaintance or family member who didn't have the courage to sign a name. They were deeply hurt.

Luckily, when we heard that they both got the exact same ad, we figured out that it was a sleazy marketing scam.

Abby, please inform your readers about this advertising technique. I'm sure many other people have been hurt by it, and they should be made aware that the ads have not been sent by an insensitive "friend." It's terrible that a company would hurt someone to promote its product. This type of marketing should be exposed for what it is. -- CONCERNED IN CHESAPEAKE, VA.

DEAR CONCERNED: I'm familiar with that kind of advertising. One of my staff, who has a weight problem to contend with, has received the same ad on more than one occasion. However, because of a column I wrote on this same subject a few years ago, she recognized the marketing tactic for what it was and tossed it immediately. We suspect that some of the plus-sized clothing companies that market their clothing through catalogs sell their customer lists.

Readers, should you receive one of these ads, don't jump to the conclusion that someone is chastising you for your weight. And, if the product seems too good to be true, it probably is. Don't fall for false advertising.

DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing this girl for almost six months, and she means the world to me, but I get so upset when plans we make fall through.

The other night I suggested going to a movie, and later when I called to see if she wanted to go, she said she was just going to hang out at home and take it easy. I understand why and everything, but for some reason this extreme anger builds up inside me, and I end up being silent, and she knows I'm upset. The same thing happens if she gets called in to work -- she's a server, and if she gets offered a good shift (Friday or Saturday), then she's going to take it unless we have some major plans.

I totally understand why she needs to do this stuff (she's a part-time student as well), but it still doesn't prevent me from getting angry. I really care for this girl, and I don't want to do anything to hurt her in any way, but I can't seem to control these feelings. They subside after about half an hour, but by then I have already upset her.

Do you know of anything I can do to control my feelings -- maybe count to 100 before I say something? -- ANGRY IN OTTAWA

DEAR ANGRY: Actions are controllable; feelings less so. Learning to understand your feelings would be a step in the right direction, because your anger comes from hurt. Some sessions with a psychologist to probe into why you take normal changes of plans so personally might provide insight. Most people react with disappointment to such occurrences, not with extreme anger.

In the meantime, instead of counting to 100, remind yourself that people run away from those who pout, sulk and make others uncomfortable by applying the silent treatment.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'd like to respond to the recent letter from the woman with three college-age children, all of whom drive. She said she was concerned about their responses should they get pulled over by police.

As a police officer for 15 years, I recommend the following guidelines for anyone who is pulled over by the police:

(1) Shut off the engine and remain inside your car unless the officer requests that you exit.

(2) Have your license, registration and insurance card in a convenient location so they are easily accessible. Fumbling around inside your car for "lost or missing" paperwork should be kept to a minimum.

(3) Keep your hands on the steering wheel and avoid making moves that could be interpreted as sudden or threatening.

(4) In the event other passengers are riding with you, ask them to refrain from making comments.

(5) If the stop is at night and it's possible, pull over in a well-lighted area. Remember, we are humans, and we get nervous, too!

(6) Turn on the interior light and keep it on in order for the officer to see inside your car. It shows that you are concerned for your safety as well as ours.

(7) Do not argue with the officer. If you are treated unfairly, get the officer's name and badge number. You can follow up by notifying the officer's superior and filing a complaint against him or her. -- SGT. GISELLE DOSZPOJ, BRIDGEPORT, CONN.

DEAR SGT. DOSZPOJ: Thank you for your sensible suggestions, which are far more inclusive than mine. You are not the only law enforcement person who responded to that letter. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: As a retired police officer, I assure you that you were right on the money when reminding readers of the danger of law enforcement. There are not many jobs in America where one goes to work every day mentally exercising his or her action if confronted with an armed individual during the shift. Police live with this possibility and repress any fear in order to concentrate on the task at hand. I don't recommend a shift filled with paranoia any more than I recommend complacency.

Nationally, the year 1974 holds the record for the most officer deaths, at 230. The annual average in the 1970s was 222 deaths, the 1980s about 187 deaths and the 1990s at 153 deaths per year. A fair estimate of the intentional murder of officers is about 55 percent of the figures you see above. A large percentage of them occurred on America's roadways. There is no acceptable number of police fatalities, as there is none for civilian fatalities. -- BEEN THERE, DONE THAT IN TENNESSEE

DEAR BEEN THERE: I have tremendous respect for those who put on their uniforms every day, kiss their husbands or wives and children goodbye, and live with the reality that it could be for the last time. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: While I agree that law enforcement is a thankless and often hazardous occupation, the fact remains that police officers are professionals and should be held to professional standards of behavior. All citizens, including the young, have a right to expect courteous and professional treatment from the police -- and it certainly is unprofessional for a police officer to "yell at and ridicule" a teen-age girl for trembling in his presence.

We should never simply accept such conduct as the way things are. It is up to us to demand higher standards, better training and higher salaries for our police officers, and to report discourteous officers to the appropriate authorities. It is an uphill battle, but one worth fighting if we want to remain in a free society. -- M.B., TRAVELERS REST, S.C.

DEAR M.B.: I agree wholeheartedly.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am having problems with our neighbors and their child.

My husband and I are energetic, outgoing and like to get things done -- yard work, gardening, etc. These neighbors are the exact opposite. They hold down the couch most weekends and are proud to boast how lazy they are.

If they see we are out playing with our children, they send their child over uninvited and unwanted. I've never disliked a child before in my life, but she is rude, disrespectful, has no manners, and quite honestly, is not the kind of kid I want my children playing with.

I know that she has no parental supervision, so I can't help but feel sorry for her -- but I don't want her at my house.

I don't know what to say to the parents because I don't want to start a "hate thy neighbor" relationship. My husband is able to tolerate it to keep the peace, but with summer coming, I know it will only get worse.

Last summer, the parents and the kid would come over and stay past midnight. They never took the hint to go home! I don't want to get into last year's routine, and I'm tired of keeping my kids quiet and not answering the phone. What should I do? -- "HAD IT" IN HOUSTON

DEAR "HAD IT": The child is saddled with poor role models and desperately needs a friend. Make it clear to her that while she's a guest in your home, there are rules; then explain what they are. If she disobeys, send her home.

Do not tolerate the adults coming over uninvited even if you have to be blunt.

DEAR ABBY: In 1996, I purchased the most wonderful dress for my daughter's wedding. It was originally priced at more than $400, but I bought it on sale. I looked great in it. My sister called it the perfect mother-of-the-bride dress.

My son and his fiancee are planning their wedding for early next year. I'm now retired and couldn't possibly afford a dress to equal this one. His fiancee and one or two of his friends have seen the dress, but no one in her family has seen it.

Would it be the world's greatest faux pas for me to wear this dress for my son's wedding? -- MOTHER OF THE GROOM THIS TIME

DEAR MOTHER: No, it would not be a breach of etiquette. There is no reason why you shouldn't wear a dress that's been worn on only one other special occasion. It would be a shame for such a perfect dress to go to waste. You looked lovely in it once, so wear it to your son's wedding and look lovely in it twice.

DEAR ABBY: In a recent column, Dennis J. Eichelbaum wrote that his grandmother, Elizabeth Eichelbaum, is receiving her Ph.D. in art therapy from the University of Tennessee -- and she is 90 years old!

How remarkable! I started looking further and found an incredible list of people from all walks of life who never stopped creating, giving and thinking.

Goethe was past 80 when he completed "Faust"; Judge Learned Hand had served a record 52 years on the federal bench when he died in 1961 at age 89; Amos Alonzo Stagg was still coaching football when he was 100 years old! Not to mention Winston Churchill, Pablo Picasso, Albert Einstein, Vladimir Horowitz, Frank Lloyd Wright, and on and on and on. -- ARTHUR H. PRINCE, LOYAL READER FROM MEMPHIS, TENN.

DEAR ARTHUR: Let's not forget Georgia O'Keefe, George Burns, George Abbott, and a lot of others NOT named George!

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)