DEAR ABBY: I am having problems with our neighbors and their child.

My husband and I are energetic, outgoing and like to get things done -- yard work, gardening, etc. These neighbors are the exact opposite. They hold down the couch most weekends and are proud to boast how lazy they are.

If they see we are out playing with our children, they send their child over uninvited and unwanted. I've never disliked a child before in my life, but she is rude, disrespectful, has no manners, and quite honestly, is not the kind of kid I want my children playing with.

I know that she has no parental supervision, so I can't help but feel sorry for her -- but I don't want her at my house.

I don't know what to say to the parents because I don't want to start a "hate thy neighbor" relationship. My husband is able to tolerate it to keep the peace, but with summer coming, I know it will only get worse.

Last summer, the parents and the kid would come over and stay past midnight. They never took the hint to go home! I don't want to get into last year's routine, and I'm tired of keeping my kids quiet and not answering the phone. What should I do? -- "HAD IT" IN HOUSTON

DEAR "HAD IT": The child is saddled with poor role models and desperately needs a friend. Make it clear to her that while she's a guest in your home, there are rules; then explain what they are. If she disobeys, send her home.

Do not tolerate the adults coming over uninvited even if you have to be blunt.

DEAR ABBY: In 1996, I purchased the most wonderful dress for my daughter's wedding. It was originally priced at more than $400, but I bought it on sale. I looked great in it. My sister called it the perfect mother-of-the-bride dress.

My son and his fiancee are planning their wedding for early next year. I'm now retired and couldn't possibly afford a dress to equal this one. His fiancee and one or two of his friends have seen the dress, but no one in her family has seen it.

Would it be the world's greatest faux pas for me to wear this dress for my son's wedding? -- MOTHER OF THE GROOM THIS TIME

DEAR MOTHER: No, it would not be a breach of etiquette. There is no reason why you shouldn't wear a dress that's been worn on only one other special occasion. It would be a shame for such a perfect dress to go to waste. You looked lovely in it once, so wear it to your son's wedding and look lovely in it twice.

DEAR ABBY: In a recent column, Dennis J. Eichelbaum wrote that his grandmother, Elizabeth Eichelbaum, is receiving her Ph.D. in art therapy from the University of Tennessee -- and she is 90 years old!

How remarkable! I started looking further and found an incredible list of people from all walks of life who never stopped creating, giving and thinking.

Goethe was past 80 when he completed "Faust"; Judge Learned Hand had served a record 52 years on the federal bench when he died in 1961 at age 89; Amos Alonzo Stagg was still coaching football when he was 100 years old! Not to mention Winston Churchill, Pablo Picasso, Albert Einstein, Vladimir Horowitz, Frank Lloyd Wright, and on and on and on. -- ARTHUR H. PRINCE, LOYAL READER FROM MEMPHIS, TENN.

DEAR ARTHUR: Let's not forget Georgia O'Keefe, George Burns, George Abbott, and a lot of others NOT named George!

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: We have been invited to my foster parents' home for a celebration that includes a meal of venison. My wife and young children do not like that kind of food. The host asked for help with the veggies and desserts. We obliged, and told him that we would also bring pizza for the kids, who are 2, 6 and 9 years old. (They know from past experience that the kids won't eat venison.)

My foster parents objected to this -- they feel that everyone should eat what's put in front of them. Most of their meals are what one would call "eccentric." It will be mealtime when we arrive, and we don't want to starve the kids. Are we out of line, or should they be more accommodating to the palates of their guests? -- PARENT IN LOWELL, MASS.

DEAR PARENT: You are not out of line; you are realistic. Your foster parents are the ones with the problem -– their rigidity.

That old philosophy that children should eat what's put in front of them regardless of whether it's palatable went out of fashion decades ago. It is now understood that children are PEOPLE with individual tastes, and food should not be forced upon them. If your foster parents can't grasp the concept, feed the kids before you go to their house. And keep family dinners at their place to a minimum until your children are old enough to appreciate their "eccentric" taste in food.

P.S. You wife is old enough to deal with this in her own way.

DEAR ABBY: I discovered this list on the last page of the 1999 Old Farmer's Almanac. I hope you think it is worth printing.

I was surprised that the "Golden Rule" is found in every faith. -– DOING MY BEST IN BLOOMINGTON

DEAR DOING: I, too, was surprised. Finally! There is something upon which we all agree. Read on:

BRAHMANISM: This is the sum of duty: Do naught unto others which would cause you pain if done to you. (Mahabharata 5:1517)

BUDDHISM: Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful. (Udana-Varga 5:18)

CONFUCIANISM: Surely it is the maxim of loving-kindness: Do not do unto others what you would not have them do unto you. (Analects 15:23)

TAOISM: Regard your neighbor's gain as your own gain and your neighbor's loss as your own loss. (T'ai Shang Kan Ying P'ien)

ZOROASTRIANISM: That nature alone is good which refrains from doing unto another whatsoever is not good for itself. (Dadistan-I-dinik 94:5)

JUDAISM: What is hateful to you, do not to your fellowman. That is the entire law; all the rest is commentary. (Talmud, Shabbat 31a)

CHRISTIANITY: All things whatsoever ye would that man should do to you, do ye even so to them; for this is the law and the prophets. (Matthew 7:12)

ISLAM: No one of you is a believer until he desires for his brother that which he desires for himself. (Sunnah)

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I've been married 14 years to "Joe," a man I don't particularly care for. We've had a rocky marriage from the start, and the longer we are together, the less I like him.

We have two children, ages 12 and 15. Joe ignores them and says he can't wait for them to grow up and leave. He claims to love me, but you'd never know it from his actions. He never considers my opinion or feelings -- and I can't stand him touching me. I prefer it when Joe isn't home.

He doesn't want a divorce, but I do. My 15-year-old daughter (by a previous marriage) doesn't care whether I stay with him or not, but our son would be devastated. Even though he and his dad don't do anything together, he says he loves him.

I know that divorce isn't supposed to happen in God's eyes (and I've already been divorced once), but I am miserable and would rather be single than struggling as I have for the past 14 years. I'm getting older -- and nowhere.

Do I sound confused? -- TIRED IN FLORIDA

DEAR TIRED: You aren't confused at all. You've had it with this poor excuse for a man. Offer him the option of marriage counseling, and if he hasn't shown improvement in six months, talk to a divorce lawyer.

Just because you are divorced doesn't mean your son can't see his dad often. And if he doesn't, the fault belongs to Joe.

DEAR ABBY: I couldn't agree more with "Sorry Now in South Carolina," who wrote about her "harmless little flirtation." (There is no such thing.)

A couple of years ago, I began flirting with a "sweet young thing" who worked in the same office building. She was full of personality, charm and good looks. Her welcome responses made me feel attractive.

Flirtation led to visits to my office "just to talk," which led to my calling her at home because we had become "such good friends." This, in turn, led to discussions about making love and an invitation to move in with her if I so desired.

There were absolutely no problems between my wife and me that caused me to behave like this. It was just the IDEA of the thing -- I thought I was "special" to that young woman, and it made me feel good.

When my ego had been boosted as high as it could go, I learned that I wasn't so special after all. It seems this young woman regularly had affairs with married men. I was just another challenge to conquer. She didn't care that she was wrecking someone's marriage, and she had no special feelings for me.

I used to be impressed when someone flirted with me. Now I ignore it and go on my way. I have finally realized that it's dishonest and insincere -- a fool's game. Thank God I wised up before it was too late. -- CLOSE CALL IN VIRGINIA

DEAR CLOSE CALL: You were lucky. Had your flirtation gone further, your wife would have been devastated and your marriage would have been trashed. I have a stack of letters from women whose hearts were broken because of extramarital affairs that began with a "harmless flirtation." Perhaps yours will make some of the office Romeos think twice.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)