DEAR ABBY: What do you get when you mix a 23-year-old woman with a 16-year-old boy? Trouble, as far as I'm concerned!

For the past couple of months, my 16-year-old son, Eric, has been involved with a 23-year-old woman I'll call "Lois." Eric is only a sophomore in high school, and he should be dating girls his own age. He is a sweet, outgoing young man and is very popular with the girls.

I'm not surprised that he is flattered by the attention of an older woman, and I'm sure he acts very mature when he is around her, but my son is very much an adolescent at heart.

Lois comes to our house late at night when she thinks we are asleep, or she stops by when he gets home from school and his father and I are still at work. I don't think it has turned into a sexual relationship yet, but I know it is not purely platonic in nature.

I'm trying very hard to discourage this relationship, but Eric tells me they share the same hopes for the future, and he really likes being with her. Gag me! Lois has been a friend of the family for a long time, but she is no longer welcome in our home. However, that hasn't kept her away.

Abby, why would a 23-year-old woman be interested in a 16-year-old boy? Please advise me. -- FURIOUS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FURIOUS: Lois could be socially or emotionally immature, which might explain her attraction to your son. But she has had time to gain far more worldly experience than he has, so regardless of how much he thinks they have in common, this could hardly be described as a relationship of equals.

Your next move should be a telephone call to your attorney about the advisability of a restraining order. Perhaps Lois' ardor could be cooled by explaining to her that, depending upon the circumstances, she could be subject to civil and criminal penalties if she continues to pursue your son.

DEAR ABBY: My son, "Ray," is an only child with exceptional talents. He is a 22-year-old college senior, an accounting major, and has already been offered a job upon graduation.

Ray recently completed a motorcycle safety course and would like to purchase one. My husband feels Ray is old enough to make his own decisions. Although I know he is a very responsible person and could handle it, I am absolutely against it. I even told him that if he bought a motorcycle, he would have to move out.

I love my son and don't want to deprive him of anything, but I'd worry about him every time he left the house.

Is there a magical age when a parent no longer should influence her child, or do you just never stop being a parent? -- WORRIED MOM

DEAR WORRIED: Parenthood lasts as long as the parent lasts, and sometimes it seems like an eternity! You and your husband will always be Ray's parents, and you will always be concerned about his safety and welfare.

Withdraw the ultimatum, because he will probably be moving out on his own after he starts earning his own money anyway.

Ray has taken motorcycle safety classes, and I'm sure you've shared your wisdom and common sense with him since he was a boy. The time has come to trust that you've done a good job. Cross everything that you have two of, and pray that your son will be one of the thousands of motorcycle enthusiasts who ride safely.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: The letters from "Grieving Grandmother" and Anne Coakley were tragic reminders of the problem of guns in our nation. Unfortunately, such episodes get little attention from the media except on a local newscast or in the back pages of the local paper. They aren't "news." It happens all too often. It takes a school massacre to get the national notice the situation deserves.

Perhaps what needs to be done is to have a running "scoreboard" set up in New York's Times Square: a continuing count of the gun deaths in the entire nation since the start of every year. The count could even be categorized by accidental deaths and murders. Running messages could give the particulars of the latest death as to date, location and the victim's age.

I realize this is a macabre suggestion. However, some drastic measure is needed to engage the public's full awareness of the magnitude of our problem. I also realize that it would require a great deal of money to rent the sign and acquire the necessary information. However, perhaps some organization or philanthropist would be interested. -- CONCERNED OCTOGENARIAN, ST. ALBANS, W.VA.

DEAR CONCERNED: Your suggestion is no more macabre than the billboards that advertise the number of deaths per year from smoking. Frankly, I think billboards addressing serious issues are a public service.

To embellish on your idea just a little -- the gun-death scoreboard could be designed to look like a game in a shooting gallery. Every time the death toll increases, a bell could "ding!" and a duck could disappear from the screen. It's really not so far-fetched -- as it stands today, almost all of us are sitting ducks. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: You've printed several letters lately about gun safety. Let me tell you about a near-fatal gun accident that happened in 1944 aboard the submarine USS Cato.

The gunner's mate first class brought a 20 mm submachine gun into the crew's mess and proceeded to use one of the tables to disassemble, clean and oil the weapon.

Although he was an experienced weapons handler, he forgot the first safety regulation: "Inspect your weapon and be certain it is EMPTY."

When he carelessly pulled the trigger, the weapon fired. The bullet ricocheted off the bulkheads and over the heads of eight or nine of us shipmates. Miraculously, it missed all of us and providently wound up in the left upper arm of the gunner's mate!

During the gunner's mate's court-martial, the executive officer remarked, "So, you shot yourself. It serves you right! I hope you learned something."

He was reduced to third class, and at the end of that patrol was transferred off the ship in disgrace. The gunner's mate "learned something," all right -- he learned that his shipmates could be cruel in their sarcasm for weeks after.

I learned something from that incident, too. I am now 80, and in all these years I have never owned or kept a gun in my house. -- LOWELL K. ALLEN, RCMS (SS) U.S. NAVY (RET.) DEAR LOWELL: You and your shipmates had a close call. It brings home the point that expertise with weapons doesn't guarantee they are always handled safely. Gun enthusiasts often write to say, "Guns don't kill people; people kill people." However, people are human, and human beings have accidents. It's human nature.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am the father of a 7-year-old daughter who takes swimming lessons through a community program. Recently, the instructor -- a high school girl -- showed up for class wearing a swimsuit that became mostly transparent when wet. This made me very uncomfortable.

After class, I mentioned to her that I felt her swimsuit was too revealing and inappropriate for a class of grade school-age children and their parents. Two days later, her supervisor called and told me she had received a complaint from the instructor. The instructor had interpreted my comment as "putting the moves on her."

Her supervisor, who was not in class that day, told me I should have ignored the situation, and if it really bothered me, I should have called her instead of talking with the instructor. I've been told I cannot speak to this young woman when I see her in class, and she will no longer be allowed to work with my daughter.

I am happily married, and I have no desire or need to look elsewhere for a sexual turn-on. However, it is hard to ignore a young woman's breasts when they are staring you in the face. I feel that this situation has been blown out of proportion, and if the instructor were my daughter, I would want someone to tell her if her clothing was inappropriate.

Have we gotten to the point with sexual harassment that we can't help another person who is being ogled in public? What would you have done in this situation? -- SORRY I NOTICED THE NEW SWIMSUIT, WISCONSIN DAD

DEAR SORRY: Interesting question. For a 17-year-old girl to be told by the father of one of her students that her swimsuit looked like it had been designed by the creator of the emperor's new clothes was extremely embarrassing.

I would have been less direct than you in dealing with it. First, I would have told my wife about it. My wife would have been only too happy to telephone the supervisor and give her chapter and verse. A swimming class is not Anatomy 101. From then on, I'd bet the girl would have been teaching her classes in something less revealing.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing regarding the letter from "Tired of Being Taken for Granted," whose fiance is out socializing and leaving her at home. This lady may be in a committed relationship, but her fiance, Ric, is not committed to anything but HIMSELF.

I write from experience. I have been married for 40 years to a Ric. I've sat at home, been excluded and treated with disrespect by my Ric.

It's not the friends who cause the problem -- it's Ric. All the excuses he gives about why he must be without her are purely selfish, insensitive reasons to stay noncommitted.

He has a cook, cleaning lady and a bed partner without a commitment to a relationship. Do you honestly think it will get better? No way!

My message for this woman is: Run while you can. You deserve better. -- BEEN THERE AND STILL THERE IN ILLINOIS

DEAR BEEN THERE: After 40 years of the kind of married life you described, I understand why this letter struck a nerve. You echoed my original reply by stating that it's not the friends who are the cause of the problem -- it's Ric. And if he's unwilling to change, she would be better off without him.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets I and II, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)