DEAR ABBY: I have a 13-year-old granddaughter who has a mustache. More and more, kids tease her about it. She tried to remove it by using something a friend gave her, but it ended up irritating her upper lip.

Her mom told her to overlook it if kids tease her, and that when she's 18 she can have it "taken care of." Until then, what is my granddaughter supposed to do? She's a sweet, beautiful girl, and my heart aches for her.

Abby, can you offer some advice to her mom, and other moms out there, whose daughters face the same problem? -- INQUIRING GRANDPARENT

DEAR GRANDPARENT: Yes. It's a common problem, and there are many choices -- a selection of over-the-counter depilatory creams, waxes and bleaches are available.

If directions are carefully followed under her mother's supervision, your granddaughter should get good results. Waxing "smarts" a bit, but it's far less painful than the embarrassment of unwanted facial hair. There is also the option of laser hair removal.

When your granddaughter is older, she and her mother might discuss permanent hair removal with a dermatologist or licensed electrologist.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing in response to your letters regarding hospice care.

As an oncologist and a hospice physician, I have seen how our society's denial of death can unintentionally deny patients choice and dignity during the final stage of life.

Today less than a quarter of patients who could benefit from hospice ever experience its comfort. And those who do are often referred too late to benefit from excellent pain management, and psychosocial or spiritual care that can enrich the end of life. Moreover, most patients are unaware that there is a Medicare hospice benefit or that their health insurance provides coverage.

Fortunately, our society is starting to explore the possibility of dying well. The Foundation for End of Life Care recently helped found the nation's first interdisciplinary institute to research end-of-life care issues. Housed in Duke University's Divinity School, it will provide much-needed education for health-care professionals and the public.

End-of-life care choices, pain management, the effect of bereavement counseling on spouse survival, and how different ethnic groups or cultures treat death, dying and bereavement are some of the topics for research. The institute will also advocate for the terminally ill in the health-care policy arena.

Our goal as a foundation is to transform dying into the final act of living well. We urge individuals to do their part by learning and talking about end-of-life options today. -- J.R. WILLIAMS, M.D., CHAIRMAN AND PRESIDENT, FOUNDATION FOR END OF LIFE CARE

DEAR DR. WILLIAMS: I am pleased that hospice is finally being discussed more openly in institutions of higher learning. I have received hundreds of letters from readers relating their personal experiences with hospice -- 99 percent positive and incredibly touching. Hospice provides a great deal of comfort to patients and their families.

There is no reason why anyone with a terminal illness should feel he or she must endure pain -- or die frightened or alone.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem. I am 18 years old, and somehow got myself into the awkward situation of having two dates to the prom!

A few weeks ago, I was asked by a sophomore boy whom I am sort of friends with. I waited awhile before accepting because I really wanted to go with this cute guy who's in college, but I was too afraid to ask him.

Well, last night I got up the courage to talk to my college friend, and he said he would really like to go to the prom with me!

Now I am in a predicament. I would much rather go to the prom with the college guy, but I don't want to hurt the sophomore boy's feelings. What should I do? -- SENIOR IN A PANIC

DEAR SENIOR: If you break the prom date after having accepted the invitation, you will cause hurt feelings -- and it's very late for him to ask someone else.

Act like the adult you are. Honor your commitment to the young man whose invitation you accepted. It's the proper and considerate thing to do.

DEAR ABBY: "Hurting Heart" said she was upset that her husband told her he would evaluate the situation before committing to jump into the ocean to save her from drowning. Well, I agree with her husband.

I was trained as a lifeguard, and the husband's response made a great deal of sense to me. One of the key points stressed in lifesaving is the importance of evaluating the situation carefully before attempting a rescue.

A drowning person becomes a very different and dangerous individual. While in a state of panic and confusion, people have been known to drown the lifesaver! It is dangerous for even a well-trained lifeguard to attempt a rescue, which is why the training course is so rigorous.

Should the wife drown her rescuing husband, their four children would be orphaned -- which would truly be a senseless tragedy. That wife should borrow a little of her husband's common sense, instead of thinking only of herself. -- S.J.B. IN TORONTO

DEAR S.J.B.: The wife should have exercised some common sense and not asked the "what if" question -- and the husband should have used common sense by softening his honest, but tactless, answer. In the interest of water safety, whenever families are playing near water, there should always be a life preserver to toss for just such emergencies.

DEAR ABBY: If you are entertaining guests and the telephone rings, should you answer it, politely tell the caller that you have guests, and ask if you can call back at a more convenient time? -- WANT TO DO THE RIGHT THING

DEAR WANT: Yes. It is impolite to carry on a telephone conversation while guests are waiting. Some people resolve this question by letting their answering machine take calls while they're entertaining.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I agree with your answer to "Caught in the Middle," whose new girlfriend resents his ex-wife's being present for their 6-year-old son's special days. Throughout the many years that I have been married to my second husband, we have welcomed his two ex-wives, my three stepchildren and all their spouses to join us for special occasions as an all-inclusive extended family. There have been a few instances when none of the children were able to join us for a holiday celebration, but we were pleased that the ex-wives still attended. Our extended family has enriched our lives.

Divorce between parents needn't mean one of them must also separate from the children -- the parental relationship still remains.

Rather than disrupting an apparently cordial relationship that is being maintained for the benefit of a young boy, the new girlfriend should realize that the mother's interest in sharing time with her child for holiday events that include other family members isn't "weird." To deny the ex-wife access to her son's special activities would be detrimental to all concerned. -- MARY JANE SCHONEBERGER, PHOENIX

DEAR MARY JANE: Were it within my power to do so, I would nominate you for a Medal of Common Sense and Magnanimity. You are terrific, and your husband is a lucky man.

DEAR ABBY: I hope you will print this for the poor teen-age girl who was ridiculed for not wearing a bra. I suggest that she's simply more sophisticated than her ignorant classmates, and also the average 16-year-old.

I have been a fashion model for more than 20 years. Understanding the proper undergarments -- or an appropriate lack thereof -- is an elementary concept to anyone in the fashion industry or even a well-groomed person in general.

Although it would be inappropriate for a buxom woman to go braless, I occasionally teach modeling to teens, and it's like pulling teeth to get them to understand that while modesty should, of course, be preserved, sometimes ALL undergarments have to come off. Any lines under clothing or display of underwear that is not part of a "look" and clearly intended to show, is a no-no.

How sad that people persist in being unnecessarily unkind over insignificant matters when that energy could so easily be channeled to do good in the world. It's time for her "friends" to grow up. -- DEBBI IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR DEBBI: You're absolutely right. Her classmates' obsession with her underwear -- or lack of it -- shows a lack of more important things to think about. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I have a suggestion for the poor "braless" girl who is facing cruelty at school.

This may be a perfect opportunity to expose her ignorant classmates to the history of women's lib in America. Many of her classmates can look forward to career opportunities that may have remained inaccessible without the activism of braless, unshaven women in the late '60s.

You go, girl! -- LISA MELYAN, PORTLAND, ORE.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)