DEAR ABBY: I'm writing this a few days before I go into surgery for something I never thought was a big deal. Melanoma.

I had a flat "unthreatening" mole on my arm -- sort of a large freckle -- that had been there for as long as I could remember. Not too long ago, it started growing quickly enough that I began to notice the difference from one week to another. I didn't worry about it because I have freckles all over. Fortunately, a friend of mine who is a dermatologist said, "You ought to have that looked at."

My doctor biopsied the freckle and said he was 90 percent certain it was nothing to worry about. A few days later he called me himself and informed me I would need a complete body exam, my lymph nodes examined, and further surgery to take more skin off that arm.

I quickly learned that unlike less serious skin cancers, melanoma has a very high rate of metastasis. It can quickly spread to the lymph nodes, the eyes, the stomach, even to the brain. It is one of the fastest-growing cancers in the United States as far as numbers of people affected. It can kill you, and once you've had it, you are at risk for the rest of your life. It is so serious that I will have trouble getting life insurance and will no longer be allowed to give blood.

Sun exposure is one of the risk factors for melanoma. I grew up in the sun -- sailing, swimming, on the beach. I've even occasionally used tanning beds. I won't be doing that anymore.

Please, Abby, tell your readers how serious melanoma is. They should watch for any changes in moles and have them checked immediately.

I'm 41, and my doctor tells me he's seen it in people as young as 20. It tends to strike younger people than other cancers do. When I think of the tans I worked so hard to get, and the sunburns I shrugged off and slathered with aloe, I cringe. If I could turn back the clock I would, and stay lily-white. -- LAURA H. MARSHALL, WALNUT CREEK, CALIF.

DEAR LAURA: Thank you for your important warning. Everyone is at risk for skin cancer, regardless of his or her skin color. Summer is just around the corner, and I pray that my sun-worshipping readers will remember a few tips to protect themselves from ultraviolet (UV) rays.

About 80 percent of skin cancers could be prevented by protecting ourselves from the sun's rays. Limit direct sun exposure, especially during midday. Cover up -- wear long sleeves and a hat. Use a sunscreen with a sun protection factor (SPF) of 15 or higher. Be sure to wear sunglasses that block UV rays. Avoid sunlamps and tanning booths, and check your skin regularly for any changes in freckles or moles.

Some medications, such as antibiotics, can increase the skin's sensitivity to the sun, so ask your physician or pharmacist about the drugs you are taking and take extra precautions.

And remember: Babies and small children are subject to the same eye and skin problems that adults are when exposed to the sun. So, parents, make sure your youngsters' eyes and skin are protected, too, when you take them for a stroll, out to play or shopping. Their safety depends on you.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: My friend is planning a wedding for next May. Under any other circumstances I would be happy for her, but she isn't engaged and has not yet been proposed to by her boyfriend!

Apparently, she has simply decided that now would be a good time to get married. She has always thought that 26 to 28 is a good age to marry, and she's not considering any other factors. She and her boyfriend are both 26, but he's not at all responsible. He tried college several times without success, then worked for a while to pay off his student loans, and is now enrolled in a technical college. He does not seem mature enough for marriage, and frankly, neither does she.

Abby, I don't know what to do. My friend has gone as far as talking to a priest about the wedding (without her boyfriend present), and is about to put money down on a hall. I feel like I can't just stand back and let all this happen. Should I say something? Please don't use my name. Just sign me ... WORRIED ABOUT THE WEDDING

DEAR WORRIED: Someone must inject a note of reality in this fantasy. Tell your friend that tradition dictates that it is necessary to have a fiance and set the date together before you plan a wedding, and that you don't want her to get hurt and lose deposit money she can't afford.

She may not follow your advice, but at least your conscience will be clear.

DEAR ABBY: I work in a small office, and every two weeks an e-mail is sent to solicit money to buy cards and gifts for fellow employees for birthdays, new babies, funerals, etc.

Recently, we were asked to contribute to a get-well card and gift for an employee who had elective cosmetic surgery.

Abby, is there a limit to what is appropriate to solicit for office contributions? For those of us on a tight budget, it is embarrassing and uncomfortable to be put on the spot this way. How should I handle this? -- PENNY-WISE IN JACKSONVILLE, FLA.

DEAR PENNY-WISE: You should discuss this problem with your supervisor and suggest changing the card and gift policy. This is a delicate situation. The directive should come from management -– otherwise, it could create resentment.

P.S. The get-well gift for the employee who had elective cosmetic surgery is truly a "new wrinkle" in gift giving!

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship for two years. My boyfriend makes nearly twice my salary, yet I often find that I am paying for myself when we go out. We currently live together, and he pays $720 to my $505.

I have always been accustomed to the man paying for the majority of our times together, and therefore I'm taken aback at being expected to shell out any money. Would you consider me a gold digger, or have times changed that much? -- SECOND THOUGHTS IN VIRGINIA BEACH, VA.

DEAR SECOND THOUGHTS: You are not a gold digger, just a bit behind the times. Times have changed since the days when men paid for everything, and many women today do pay their own way.

Since this has become a problem between you, you are overdue for a serious discussion to clear the air about the division of financial responsibilities. Unless you can come to a comfortable agreement, he is not the man for you.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am asking that you get the word out to veterans across the country and encourage them to start a Veterans in the Classroom program in their local schools. We started the program described below after a history teacher called for help in teaching her students what the war was really like. These are stories that cannot be found in history books.

One veteran from each branch of service, and from both the European and Pacific theaters, make up the program panel. Before the presentation, we ask that students submit five questions that interest them most. During our presentation, we try to address as many of those questions as possible. Each vet covers the following topics:

1. A brief personal history from enlistment to overseas departure.

2. Arrival overseas -- where, when, major battles, etc.

3. A close-call story.

4. A funny-experience story.

5. Time for questions and answers.

6. Display of memorabilia that students can view and discuss with the vets, one-on-one.

The program is videotaped so that the true stories, told firsthand by the vets who experienced them, can be shown to future generations of students. Local press and TV are invited. Presentations by veterans from Korea, Vietnam and the Gulf War could follow.

Our Veterans in the Classrooms program has been well received, and our wish is that other veterans will put on programs such as this in their local schools. We would be happy to serve as a resource for other veterans groups.

Thank you, Abby, for helping us encourage other vets to keep this important part of America's history alive. -- RALPH H. GEORGE, FOUNTAIN HILLS, ARIZ.

DEAR RALPH: What a terrific idea, and what a precious resource for students in the classroom. I'm sure other veterans will agree that your concept has merit and will be willing to step forward and volunteer their stories.

Not all students grasp the concepts of history by reading and memorizing dates in textbooks. History teachers who would like to give their students a more immediate sense of these events could contact their local VFW posts and request speakers from each branch of the service.

Veterans who are interested in setting up programs like this one can contact Ralph George by writing to him at 14425 San Carlos Drive, Fountain Hills, AZ 85268. By sharing your stories you'll walk into the classroom as strangers and walk out as heroes.

DEAR ABBY: Is it wrong to blow your nose at the table when dining out, or for that matter, anytime at the table? -- SNEEZING IN NORTH JERSEY

DEAR SNEEZING: Much would depend upon how it's done.

Dabbing a leaky nose is acceptable if it's done discreetly and is certainly better than suffocating. However, if the nose blower sounds like the first blast of Gideon's trumpet, it should be done away from the table and in private.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)