DEAR ABBY: Thank you for reprinting "Let Me Go" and discussing the durable power of attorney for health care. The state of Ohio has recently enacted a do-not-resuscitate comfort-care law that further protects patients who wish to be "protected" from "heroic measures." I hope other states are doing the same. However, this still may not be enough.

When our elderly aunt was a patient in a local nursing home, she made her wishes clear -- no heroic measures. She had serious asthma and a failing heart. Even though she had a durable power of attorney for health care and a DNR order, the nursing home would ship her off to the hospital every time she had a problem breathing. She would then be subjected to tubes, needles and tests -- none of which she wanted.

Finally, we convinced her to contact hospice. The hospice staff was able to educate the nursing home staff on specific ways to ease her breathing and avoid emergency hospital trips. Hospice did nothing to hasten her death. They did supplement her nursing home care, kept her comfortable, and gave the family much peace of mind. To my thinking, hospice served as her line of defense against these well-intentioned but unwelcome measures. She recently died, at the nursing home, peacefully in her sleep. -- PEGGY IN OHIO

DEAR PEGGY: I'm pleased to say that as our population ages, end-of-life issues are being given increasing attention. After the poem "Let Me Go" appeared in my column, I received dozens of letters from families who had used hospice, praising the efforts of "their" hospice team, which comprises doctors, nurses, social workers, counselors, home health aides, clergy, therapists -- and loyal and devoted volunteers. Each provides assistance based on his or her area of expertise.

In addition, hospices help provide medications, supplies, equipment, hospital services and additional helpers in the home if and when needed.

I was pleased to learn that hospice coverage is widely available. It is provided by Medicare nationwide, by Medicaid in 33 states, and by most private health insurance policies. And if the patient is NOT covered by Medicare or other health insurance, hospice will assist families in finding out whether the patient is eligible for any coverage they might not be aware of. For anyone who cannot pay, many hospices will still make their services available using money raised from the community or from memorial or foundation gifts.

Most physicians know about hospice. For physicians who don't, information is available from the Academy of Hospice Physicians, state hospice organizations, medical societies or the National Hospice Helpline, 1-800-658-8898.

Readers who are interested in learning more about hospice may write: The National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization, 1700 Diagonal Road, Suite 300, Alexandria, VA 22314. The Web site is: www.nhpco.org.

DEAR READERS: From "Marketing Resources," Issue No. 8, 1995:

Sign in Acapulco, Mexico hotel lobby: "The manager has personally passed all the water served here."

Sign in religious artifacts stores: "If you're interested in life after death, try robbing this store."

Sign in Norwegian cocktail lounge: "Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar."

Sign in Bangkok dry cleaners: "Drop your pants here."

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 77 years old, and this is my first letter to you. After reading an obituary in our local newspaper, I decided to write and ask your opinion of it.

Abby, it listed the names of the man's survivors and then listed his three dogs by name. I consider this sacrilegious. It elevates animals to the level of human beings. Our values have been turned upside down. A criminal receives a longer sentence for abusing an animal than he or she does for abusing a human being! This is wrong.

I am a dog lover, but when I die, I certainly would not want my dog listed as a survivor along with my children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

You have my permission to print this, but please withhold my name. -- DISGUSTED IN INDIANA

DEAR DISGUSTED: Most pet owners cherish their animals, and these animals return that love unconditionally. They become part of the family, and many owners love them as they love family members.

It is a well-known fact that animals contribute to the health and happiness of their owners. This symbiotic relationship benefits both humans and animals. Although it is unusual, I see no harm in pets being listed in an obituary.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance moved from Idaho to be with me in Connecticut. We have been together for one year and we get along great, but he hates the East Coast and wants to move back to Idaho. He told me he is leaving in June -- with or without me!

The problem is I have two sons, ages 18 and 19. They are pretty independent and have lived on their own for the last year or so.

I am torn between moving to Idaho to be with the man I love, or remaining in Connecticut for the sake of my children. What do you think is best for everyone involved? -- CONFUSED IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR CONFUSED: Your sons have proven to be responsible young men living on their own. If you feel they have the emotional maturity and financial resources to continue, by al means go with your fiance to Idaho.

Talk candidly with them about your plans and assure them that you will always be available to them by telephone, and they are welcome to visit you.

A final word of advice: I am concerned that your fiance may have control issues. He presented his decision to leave Connecticut as an ultimatum. Before you marry him, make absolutely sure you are in a 50/50 partnership.

DEAR ABBY: You recently reran a letter in your column from the mother of a 13-year-old girl regarding the "frank talk" she had about sex with her daughter. Now that we've seen the letter about "female accountability," where is the letter that teaches male responsibility? This is the new millennium. That letter should be revised to make it gender-neutral. -- OLGA IN LAKE COUNTY, ILL.

DEAR OLGA: Perhaps. I agree that males are as responsible for contraception as females. However, in matters of contraception nothing should be left to chance. I tell women to assume that the responsibility is theirs -- because it usually is. These days a woman can't be too careful. And neither can a man.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: This letter is in response to the one written by "Determined in Dallas," who prides herself on courtesy and who is attempting to pass on similar traits to her 4-year-old son. When her son kindly holds the door open for a stranger, and that stranger neglects to say thank you, "Determined" feels it necessary to announce ("loud enough for the offender to hear"), "She should've thanked you, but her manners aren't as good as yours!"

The lesson that "Determined" is teaching her son is that it's OK to embarrass and correct total strangers when they don't follow your beliefs. This, in my opinion, is far more rude than not saying thank you. If "Determined" wants to reinforce the idea of thanking others, she'd do better to speak to her son privately and quietly. She could also teach him (and remind herself) that a truly kind person performs acts of kindness without expecting thank-yous and applause. -- NOT THANKED YET STILL COURTEOUS

DEAR NOT THANKED: You are not the only reader who took pen in hand to point out that the zealous mother might be sending her son the wrong message -- and displaying rudeness in the bargain. While it would have been more tactful of her to direct her comments quietly to her son, I still believe that small children need positive reinforcement. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Determined in Dallas," the mother of the 4-year-old boy, brought back memories of my dear grandmother, Alice. While reading that letter, I thought you might scold her a bit about her reply to thoughtless strangers "... loudly enough for the offender to hear."

Personally, I think she did the right thing. I recall how my Alice would hold the door for people, and when they "forgot" to say thank you, undaunted, she would call out one of her cheery "You're welcomes." -- ALEX KALINOWSKY, RIDGELAND, S.C.

DEAR ALEX: Your Grandmother Alice must have been quite a woman. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: The recent letters about courtesy miss the point, which is that human beings should be courteous to one another regardless of gender.

As my husband says, what works for one gender should work for the other as well. Good manners should mean being thoughtful and considerate of others and open to giving or receiving an act of courtesy depending on the situation -- not the gender. -- SALLY ROSLOFF, NORTHRIDGE, CALIF.

DEAR SALLY: Your husband is absolutely right. And his philosophy is similar to that of manners maven Tish Baldrige, who sagely points out: "Manners embrace socially acceptable behavior ... but also much more than that. They are an expression of how you treat others when you care about them, their self-esteem, and their feelings. ... In a chaotic world, they can make order out of disorder and give you the power to bring pleasure into other people's lives."

It's worth thinking about.

CONFIDENTIAL TO "HOW DO I KNOW IT'S LOVE?": "Love is that condition in which the happiness of someone else is essential to your own." -- Robert Heinlein (1907-1988)

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)