DEAR ABBY: This letter is intended for mothers and fathers who make beautiful children but don't spend quality time with them. You will never know what your child could become if you don't play an active role in his or her life.

When my wife and I married eight years ago, I said that when we had children, I would spend more time with them than my father spent with me. Judging from the events over the last seven years, I know I could have achieved much more had my father spent a little more time with me.

My son, who is now 7 years old, is academically excellent in school, talented in karate and basketball, gifted in art and has a CD on the market. At 7, he's already building for his future. All of this, and he still has time to play Pokemon and Digimon with his brother and sister, both of whom have received similar accolades.

Kids have so much potential. Parents, please spend time with you children. -- SOMEWHERE IN VIRGINIA

DEAR SOMEWHERE: Your plea touched my heart, and I'm printing it for parents who may need such a wake-up call. One of the unexpected benefits of women's liberation has been that recent generations of fathers have taken a greater role in child rearing. I, for one, think that's terrific.

DEAR ABBY: I have enjoyed reading about the random acts of kindness you have printed. I have a tremendous one to share with you that meant the world to me.

Four years ago, my husband, Roy, had a massive stroke. We had been married only 12 years when this happened. He is right-side paralyzed, has some speech impairment and is in a wheelchair. He does not like going out in public and usually refuses to do so. We were always "card givers," and I missed his cards so much after he got sick.

Our wedding anniversary is Valentine's Day. As Valentine's Day approached, I was quite depressed because I knew I would not receive my usual cards from my precious husband. One of our neighbors, Susan, knew how I felt. She went to a card shop and spent hours selecting Valentine and anniversary cards. She found the perfect cards and brought them to our house. Then she asked me to go out for a little while, saying she needed to talk to Roy. After I left, she read the cards to him, helped him sign them, and told him to wait until the next morning to give them to me.

The next morning when I got Roy up and fixed our breakfast, I gave him the cards I had for him. You cannot imagine the smile on his face when he presented me with the cards that Susan had brought for him to give to me. They were absolutely beautiful, exactly the kind of cards Roy had given me over the years. It was as if he had gone and picked them out himself.

Susan has done this every year since Roy had his stroke. I always express my gratitude to her, but there are no words to tell her exactly how much this means to me. Thank you, Susan, and God bless you. -- BRENDA GAY, EASLEY, S.C.

DEAR BRENDA: Everyone should be so fortunate as to have a neighbor as caring and sensitive as Susan. I'm sure your letter will be a day-brightener for everyone who reads it, and plant the seed of an idea for readers who may know someone in a similar situation. Thank you for writing.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have noticed that the majority of automobile commercials on TV today show speeding cars. One in particular shows two ladies in sport utility vehicles racing over curbs and bumps to win a race to a parking place. This is portrayed as something good and fun you can do when you drive a brand-new SUV. Another commercial portrays someone leaving his workplace and racing down a twisting road to unwind. On and on it goes with advertised cars speeding across the screen.

These commercials, and many others like them, imply that the better car is the "faster" car, and that it's cool and enjoyable to drive in this manner.

Abby, what is this teaching new drivers? Don't these commercials promote reckless driving? -- VALERIE S. RIVARD, MANCELONA, MICH.

DEAR VALERIE: Mature drivers (of any age) realize that obeying the speed limit is the best way to promote wreck-less driving. While it's obvious the advertisers are implying that speed is desirable and thrilling, I agree that an unintended subliminal message is that reckless driving is acceptable. That's dangerous and irresponsible.

DEAR ABBY: On June 1, 1999, my son died of an overdose. We went to visit relatives over Memorial Day weekend. He found a box of outdated prescription drugs while we were there.

Abby, he was only 18 years old. I hope you will share my letter with the public. He had made three suicide attempts prior. People told me it was all for attention.

Parents, take your sad teen-ager seriously or you'll end up like me ... A BROKENHEARTED MOTHER IN S.F.

DEAR BROKENHEARTED MOTHER: Please accept my condolences for the loss of your son. If there is one lesson to be learned from your letter, it's that a suicide attempt is NOT a bid for attention -- it's a cry for help. And that means professional help. In most communities it's as near as the telephone, in the form of a suicide or crisis hotline.

DEAR ABBY: Thank you for printing the letter from "Happy Again in San Diego," the woman who told you about writing a list of qualities she loved about her husband and how it helped her marriage.

My husband and I rarely celebrate anything but Christmas, but this year I decided to follow "Happy's" example and write a list of my own for Valentine's Day. In addition to the characteristics I find appealing about him, I included things that I appreciated -- for example, the fact that he has stopped smoking inside the house (I am a nonsmoker), and that he always remembers to pick up certain items that I like when he goes to the grocery store.

He was obviously touched by my efforts -- I thought he was going to burst into tears! We have been together for 26 years, and you know the old story -- "The spark had gone out of our marriage." Well, thanks to "Happy's" suggestion and a little time on my part, things have never been better.

So, Abby, a thousand thanks. You've really put a lift in my love life! -- DAWN IN PHOENIX

DEAR DAWN: And you put a lift in my spirits. Thanks for an upper of a letter. Others can learn from it. It takes only a second to jot down a kind word, and the result can be enjoyed for many years.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: We would like to add to the discussion about unwashed hands being a hazard for patients. We are certified infection-control practitioners in a large medical center. The Association for Professionals in Infection Control and Epidemiology is a well-established organization with more than 3,000 professionals, whose goal is to promote excellence in infection control and prevention.

Hand-washing is the No. 1 prevention against spread of infection, inside and outside the hospital setting. It is important in the home, in schools and in every workplace. It is the cornerstone of infection-control practice and education for everyone who works in health care.

Proper hand-washing is taught during orientation for new employees and daily by most practitioners whenever the need arises. Soap, running water, friction and 10 to 15 seconds covering all surfaces of the hands are necessary to loosen dirt and wash the germs down the drain. It is the responsibility of all health-care employees to practice proper techniques to protect patients -- as well as ourselves.

At our facility, hand-washing is considered serious business and proper practice is enforced. Alcohol foam or gels for hand antisepsis are recommended for those "difficult times" when an employee is unable to get to a sink.

We agree with your statement, "Proper hygiene practices are an essential part of high-quality medical care." And we want Dear Abby to continue to be part of our team, promoting good infection-control practices, hand-washing and good health. Thank you, Abby. -- JAN WROBEL, RN, AND BARBARA WIXSON, RN, SUMMIT MEDICAL CENTER, OAKLAND, CALIF.

DEAR JAN AND BARBARA: I'm sure many readers will be as surprised as I was to learn that most hospitals have a full-time infection-control team or nurse whose job it is to do surveillance, prevention and control of hospital-acquired infections.

A patient, relative or friend of a patient who witnesses a breach of proper hygiene practices should report it to the charge nurse, the administrator of the facility and the infection-control coordinator. Speaking up will not jeopardize the comfort of the patient; however, failing to speak up could endanger the health, or even the life, of the patient.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I adopted a newborn girl three years ago. We knew the birth mother three months before delivery. She is a wonderful young woman. We keep in touch four or five times a year.

She is now 21 and is being married to a very nice young man. He knows about our daughter, but his parents do not. Because our child's skin color is darker than ours, they would surely realize that her birth mother is the bride.

We have been asked to attend the wedding but not to bring our daughter. I say no -- but my wife wants to go. Help! -- OPENLY ADOPTING IN CANADA

DEAR OPENLY ADOPTING: Resist the temptation to show off your daughter at the wedding. Do as the bride wishes and give her a loving send-off as she enters her new life.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)