DEAR ABBY: Basketball season is over, and I am appalled at some of the things that have happened to our team. Because of one family, our team has been torn apart. The coach did nothing to deserve this attack and has always acted in the most professional way. He has never embarrassed one child or our school in any way. I hope you will print my letter because there is a good lesson in it for all of us.

Abby, please share with your readers the following 10 guidelines given in the journal The Physician and Sportsmedicine for parents, to assure that blessings -- rather than curses -- come from their children's involvement in sports.

1. Make sure your children understand that win or lose, you love them.

2. Be realistic about your child's physical ability.

3. Help your child set realistic goals.

4. Emphasize "improved" performance, not winning.

5. Don't relive your own athletic past through your child.

6. Provide a safe environment for training and competition.

7. Control your emotions at games and events.

8. Be a "cheerleader" for your child AND other children on the team.

9. Respect your child's coaches. Communicate with them in a positive way.

10. Be a positive role model.

Parents: Be sensible and responsible, and keep your priorities in order! There is a lot more at stake than a win/loss record.

Abby, I cannot sign my name to this letter. It's not because I'm ashamed; it's because of fear of more controversy. -- AN INTERESTED FAN IN THE U.S.A.

DEAR INTERESTED FAN: Every year I hear about parents who behave irrationally and emotionally at their children's sporting events. Parents who cannot control their behavior, or who lose their perspective and project their own frustrated ambitions onto their children, should not attend sporting events.

I urge all parents to review the guidelines you have submitted, and consider the messages they are giving to their children -- intentionally or unintentionally.

DEAR ABBY: Morse code is NOT dead! I am president of the Lone Star Chapter of the Morse Telegraph Club. We have chapters in many cities in the United States and Canada. On May 28, our chapter will have a table at a train show in Fort Worth, Texas, and will demonstrate Morse code sending and receiving. Other chapters also do demonstrations.

We are mostly retired railroad and Western Union telegraphers, but also have members who are ham radio operators. We welcome new members. -- EUGENE WOOD, MADILL, OKLA.

DEAR EUGENE: Oops! I'm pleased to know that the announcement of the demise of Morse code was premature, that some people still use it and there is still an interest in it.

P.S. How do you say "sorry" in Morse code?

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: Easter will soon be here, and many people regard it as an occasion to give pets to small children. A word of caution: If you plan to surprise a child with a live baby rabbit, duckling or chick, please consider that living creatures need proper care. Unless you are ABSOLUTELY certain that the little pet will receive the care it needs to survive, please give a stuffed bird or rabbit instead. Regardless of how cute baby birds and animals are, they should not be given to children on impulse.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: April is Autism Awareness Month. I'm hoping that with the number of people your column reaches, you will help us in the autism community spread the word about the need for research and education about this childhood disorder.

Autism is a neurological disorder that severely affects a child's ability to develop communication skills and social interactions. The child lives in a world of his or her own. Its rate of occurrence has increased to about one in 400 children. Autism shows up around 18 months of age or older. It mostly affects boys, at a ratio of 4-to-1. No one knows what causes autism, and as yet there is no cure.

I have a granddaughter who has this disorder. The need for research is great because, with proper education, these children can improve and lead much better lives than they did 20 years ago. My granddaughter has improved a great deal in the 18 months she has been going to school. There, she is trained by teachers with special education skills to help these kids along.

Please help our growing community of autistic children by letting people know that if they need any additional information, they can contact the Autism Society. Thank you, Abby. -- ANDREA RUSSELL, NEW CASTLE, DEL.

DEAR ANDREA: I am pleased to help spread the message. Since I received your letter, I have learned that through hard work and intensive education, people with autism can hold jobs, make friends and lead fuller lives. Autism is the third most common developmental disability, and more common than Down syndrome.

People who would like to learn more about autism should contact the Autism Society of America, 7910 Woodmont Ave., Suite 300, Bethesda, MD 20814. The toll-free number is (800) 328-8476, extension 150; the Web address is: www.autism-society.org.

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Grateful Survivor," who felt she was in love with a man who had rescued her from drowning, instantly reminded me of an essay, "The Chemistry of Love" by Diane Ackerman, that I use in one of my writing classes at California State University.

The essay explains the chemical underpinnings of such human experiences as falling in love, giving birth, responding to danger, and finding security in long-term relationships. Ackerman points out that the human body economically reuses some chemicals for many purposes. Such is the case with PEA (phenylethylamine), which gives an amphetamine-like "high" to new lovers and also surges during dangerous or thrill-seeking behavior.

According to Ackerman, the body's use of PEA "may help explain a fascinating phenomenon: People are more likely to fall in love when they're in danger. ... Danger makes one receptive to romance."

I'm no chemist, but it may relieve the happily married "Grateful" to know that what seemed like a puzzling and excessive response was caused by a chemical process over which she had no control. -- JOAN SPANGLER, ENGLISH DEPARTMENT

DEAR JOAN: That's fascinating. I have always wondered why couples found it "romantic" to be married while skydiving, bungee jumping or diving 20,000 leagues under the sea. Ackerman's theory provides a clue.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I are being married next year, and we have decided to start a new wedding tradition. Along with registering for housewares, china and place settings, we are requesting something straight from the heart of each of our guests.

We are asking our friends and families to donate blood in honor of our marriage! We want our guests to have the opportunity to give a gift that will truly last forever in someone's life. We have been donating blood together for several years, and it makes us feel great.

Our local blood center will set up a group number especially for our guests to use when they come in to give blood. They'll also keep track of the donations so we'll be able to personally thank each donor for his or her special gift.

Knowing that we have helped to save lives will add to the joy we will experience on our wedding day. -- BLEEDING HEARTS IN DENVER

DEAR BLEEDING HEARTS: I commend you and your fiance for your ingenuity and generosity. You've come up with a bloody good idea, and I hope it inspires others.

DEAR ABBY: I hope that 27-year-old married woman who told you she fantasized about kissing her "friend" will listen to what I have to say on the subject. I was the same age she is when I headed down that path, and I have a few tips I'd like to pass on:

Not only is that man not her friend, he's her enemy, her husband's enemy, and an enemy to her marriage. Long before she has ceased obsessing over that scoundrel, he will have forgotten her and moved on to his next victim. He will pull her down to his level until she has rationalized away her illicit behavior and no longer cares what it does to her marriage.

That little "adventure" will create in her a wandering spirit that no number of liaisons with him -- or the next suitor -- will satisfy. Her acquaintances will consider her loose and easy whether she consummates the flirtation or just plays around.

Full-blown affairs always begin with "harmless" little flirtations -- which are neither harmless nor little. While she's enjoying her trysts, she is robbing her husband of the mental, emotional and physical affection that is due him alone. The affair will leave permanent scars on her and her marriage that time will not erase.

How I wish someone had taken me aside and shared these facts with me. I was selfish and foolish, and have nothing to show for it but a divided and sorrowful heart. Abby, I hope she realizes before it's too late that it's up to her to direct her energies toward keeping her marriage alive and well, and that her husband needs her full attention. -- VOICE OF EXPERIENCE, PORTSMOUTH, N.H.

DEAR VOICE: I agree. The young woman who was tempted to act on her strong attraction to her "friend" is playing with fire. I hope she'll listen to you, if she wasn't inclined to listen to me.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)