DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 18 years, and we've been through thick and thin. My husband knows all my fears, weaknesses and strengths. So why can't I get advice from him when I need him the most? I'm afraid he will think I am weak, stupid and careless. I'm afraid he will not love me anymore and will leave me.

We have two boys, and it costs a lot to raise a family these days, what with groceries, personal items and clothing. I try to make everyone happy, and it's killing me. What's ironic is that my husband thinks I'm a good money manager. I shop with coupons, etc., and tell him how much I've saved. He thinks it's great. I hate deceiving him.

My problem: We are approximately $17,000 in credit card debt. My husband is unaware of our financial situation. There is also a $3,000 loan that he does know about. He thinks $50 is a lot of money, so how do I begin to tell him we owe $17,000?

Hiding payments to the credit card companies is so stressful. The funny thing is, I didn't spend any of the money on stupid stuff. The gas cards are used because once everything else is paid, there's no money left for gas for the vehicles. Then there are family birthdays, special occasions, etc. -- and no cash for that -- so I use the store credit cards. The Visa is mostly for cash advances to pay for groceries or to supplement a checking account that has gotten too low. I think, "I'll pay this all off soon and he'll never know." But it doesn't happen, and I'm caught in this mad cycle that never ends.

Abby, I'm going crazy. Please help me with some good, sound advice. I don't want to lose my husband. I love him. I help anyone who needs it and I'm good to my husband's mother and family. I have had to forgive him on many occasions for things he has done in the past. Can he possibly forgive me?

For many months I have gone to bed at night asking God for guidance. I think he told me to write to you. -- DROWNING IN DEBT IN LOUISIANA

DEAR DROWNING: Please stop flogging yourself. You haven't done anything that hasn't been done to a lesser -- or greater -- degree by thousands of other people. The Federal Reserve reports that credit card debt hit $566 billion in January 1999.

Your husband will be understandably upset that you have kept this information from him. However, viewed rationally, you and he have far more invested in your 18-year marriage and two children than money.

Stop stalling and tell your husband of your predicament. The secrecy and not reviewing your expenses together are what have allowed this problem to get out of hand in the first place.

You and he can regain control of your finances by contacting the National Foundation for Consumer Credit (NFCC), a non-profit organization that provides education and counseling services on budgeting and credit.

To contact the NFCC member office nearest you, call toll-free from a touch-tone phone: (800) 388-2227. You can also get information from the NFCC Web site: www.nfcc.org. Please don't put this off any longer, because the organization can provide you with a workable solution to your problem.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Last month I gave birth to a healthy baby girl. Unfortunately, after the delivery, I hemorrhaged so severely I needed an emergency hysterectomy.

I am alive today thanks to the quick action and skill of my physicians and nurses, and to the selfless gift of six units of blood from anonymous donors. My ability to hold and care for my beautiful daughter hinges on the fact that I received blood transfusions, a fact that makes me realize what a precious gift blood is.

When I finally regain my strength, I pledge to donate blood, and hope this letter will prompt others to follow my example.

Thank you, blood donors one and all, for a priceless gift. (By the way, my baby's name is Abby, and she is also a dear!) -- LITTLE ABBY'S MOM

DEAR MOM: I am pleased that you and your dear "little Abby" are doing well. Thank you for the reminder that lifesaving blood is in short supply and donations are needed across the country. Potential blood donors should contact their nearest Red Cross Center or hospital with a blood bank.

P.S. If you've never thought of being a blood donor, please consider this:

WHAT GOOD IS A BLOOD DONOR?

A blood donor is good for people who go through windshields and red lights. For somebody with leukemia. For people being operated on. For barefoot kids who aren't careful. For people who are into feudin' and fightin'. For hemophiliacs and daredevils. For people undergoing dialysis while waiting for a kidney transplant. For people who fool around with guns. For little kids who manage to uncap a bottle of something poisonous.

A blood donor is good for people who have been badly burned. For new mothers who need transfusions. For new babies who need a complete change of blood supply. For people having open-heart surgery. For cancer patients. For people with severe hepatitis and anemia. For kids who fall out of trees or whatever. For anybody at any age with bleeding ulcers. For people who were in the wrong place at the wrong time.

A blood donor is good for people who are in a lot worse shape than most people you know.

A blood donor is good for life!

DEAR ABBY: I have a pet peeve I have been intending to write you about for a long time. It's clothing manufacturers who put labels in clothing that are irritating to people with sensitive skin. Not only are they placed in the necklines of garments, but also in the waistband of panties and slacks. It wouldn't be so bad, but they sew them into the seam of the garment so if you want to rip them out you also rip the seam.

Henceforth, I'll check the label of every garment before I buy it to make sure the label can be easily removed. -- JEWELL IN FRESNO, CALIF.

DEAR JEWELL: Your pet peeve happens to be one of mine as well, and I've been "itching" to say something about it for a long time.

If manufacturers want their brand names remembered, it should be for positive reasons, not for constant irritation.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: This afternoon I read your column in which "Christine in Midlothian, Va." described an incident involving her drink being spiked with GHB at a neighborhood bar. She acknowledged her gratitude to Andrew and Chris for rescuing her from what could have been a possible date-rape situation.

In a different section of the same newspaper, I read a frightening article. Beside it was a photograph of a beautiful woman with a grief-stricken expression. She was the mother of a 15-year-old girl who died after her soft drink was spiked with GHB at a party. A soft drink, Abby!

The article stated that there have been at least 58 GHB-related deaths and 5,700 overdoses nationwide. While your answer seemed to focus more on not leaving a drink unattended at a bar, we also have to worry about soft drinks at private parties -- parties our teen-agers attend almost every weekend.

Please warn parents to talk to their daughters about this terrible act that could be perpetrated on them -- and how common it has become. It is also imperative for parents to talk to their SONS and let them know this kind of thing is serious and much more harmful than they realize. This is not a "boys will be boys" thing. This is rape; this is murder!

Andrew and Chris, the young men who saved Christine from possible rape, also saved her from possible death. Their parents obviously raised them to be men of character and taught them respect for others.

Thank you, Abby, for bringing this horrific matter to the attention of your readers. Too bad someone can't take these little ticks and throw them back on the mangy mutts they jumped off of. -- DISGUSTED IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR DISGUSTED: You have written an excellent letter. Parents should, indeed, warn their children of both sexes about the danger of GHB and the other date-rape drug, Rohypnol. It is tragic that someone cannot attend a party without concern about the safety of a soft drink or the punchbowl. It's sad to say, but unless a drink is offered in a sealed container and opened personally, it should not be consumed. And it should be kept with the person at all times.

A final thought: Anyone who sees someone attempting to doctor another person's drink should warn the potential victim immediately -- and should warn the perpetrator that it's against the law. Do not remain silent; silence indicates approval, and could make the witness an accessory to the crime.

DEAR ABBY: I've been a loyal reader for years, but I have never written to you before. Your response to the high school student who signed himself "Crazy for a Freshman" infuriated me. You said that the girl's father, who was the young man's chemistry teacher, might not be so "friendly" when it came to giving him a passing grade. Abby, as a teacher, I found that statement offensive.

We don't "give" grades -- our students earn them. To suggest that this father might alter a student's grade because of a romance with his daughter is insulting to teachers. Abby, you owe teachers everywhere an apology. -- TEACHER IN DUNKIRK, MD.

DEAR TEACHER: No offense was intended. Human nature being what it is, I wanted to warn the student not to sneak around with the girl because her father, his teacher, might not be able to separate his anger from grading for achievement. I know teachers are expected to be above that, but they are as susceptible to human frailties as everyone else.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)