DEAR ABBY: I am a former hospice nurse, now completing my graduate training as a nurse-practitioner in oncology. I am dismayed by the frequency with which physicians and the media ignore or misrepresent hospice as an option for terminally ill people and their families.

Hospice is NOT "giving up." It is changing the focus of care to enhance quality of life. The hospice team of nurses, social workers, chaplains and physicians accompanies patients on a difficult journey with an eye to relieving physical, emotional and spiritual pain and suffering. Hospice care alleviates the fear of dying. Indeed, it allows patients to die with dignity and in a way that enhances the beauty and meaning of life and death for them and their families. -- ROSIE TOWNLEY BAKEWELL

DEAR ROSIE: I hope your letter generates the kind of response it deserves, because it's an important one as our population ages. I'm sad to say that even today, patients die protracted and painful deaths because some physicians and misguided but well-intentioned families seem unable or unwilling to admit that the person is terminal. Perhaps some of the fault lies with the medical schools, which have not given end-of-life issues enough attention in their curricula.

Since everyone has to die, a death with dignity seems like the way to make every minute of life one that's worth living.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing with a message of warning to newlywed wives.

When I first married "Jim," I used to spend hours after dinner every night on the phone with my mother talking about family news -- what was happening with my father, my sister, my sister's husband, etc. When Jim complained, my mother and I both felt he was being selfish and ignored him.

Soon Jim took up jogging, and as soon as I picked up the phone in the evening, he would leave the house to run his miles. Then Jim started traveling to races on the weekends, and eventually met "Peggy," a pretty schoolteacher from a neighboring town who also liked to jog.

My inability to "let go" and build my primary family ties with my new husband cost me a great guy. How do I know he's so great? Because he still waves to my mother and me when we see him in the park jogging with Peggy and their two beautiful daughters. -- OUT OF THE RACE IN N.J.

DEAR OUT: I'm printing your cautionary tale for all to see. How sad that your preoccupation with your family caused you to shut out the person with whom you vowed to build a life.

I find it interesting that when your ex-husband sees you in the park, you're still with your mother. Unless that's the way you want it to be for the rest of your life, I recommend some counseling.

CONFIDENTIAL TO "CALL ME LUCKY": You are right. As author J.G. Holland observed: "The most precious possession that ever comes to a man in this world is a woman's heart."

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a Planned Parenthood speaker with a serious problem. I am writing in the hope that you can help me dispel the myth that Mountain Dew soft drinks prevent pregnancy. I have been working to dispel this myth for about two years -- and it seems I'm paddling upstream.

When I first realized that many students from fifth grade through college fervently believe that drinking Mountain Dew reduces the sperm count, I prayed that this was a local issue. I now know that this myth has circulated and is believed nationwide.

During my years as a volunteer with Planned Parenthood, I have encountered several myths, but none as potentially dangerous or difficult to dispel as the myth associated with this popular soft drink. Young people continue to obtain information largely from their peers -- a very unreliable source.

You have often reminded your readers about birth-control education presented by Planned Parenthood. Please take this opportunity to issue that reminder again and to alert parents and teens that Mountain Dew, while tasty, does not prevent pregnancy. -- MARJORIE SALTZMAN, PORTLAND, ORE.

DEAR MARJORIE: Your letter is a first! Years ago a rumor circulated that douching with Coca-Cola after sex would prevent pregnancy. That, too, was a myth -- as many gullible "premature parents" discovered to their dismay.

Let me go on record as stating that Mountain Dew -- although a refreshing and enjoyable beverage -- is NOT A CONTRACEPTIVE. It may give the drinker a "buzz" because of its sugar and caffeine content, but it will do NOTHING to lower the sperm count. And to allege that it will is incorrect and irresponsible.

Young adults with computer access can find reliable information regarding reproductive health issues by visiting www.teenwire.com, a 24-hour, fully confidential Web site sponsored by Planned Parenthood. There they can find answers to questions they may feel uncomfortable asking parents, doctors -- or even their peers. It includes a FAQs (frequently asked questions) section and a "Yikes!" page for teens with urgent issues.

Now I have a riddle for you: What do you call young men who drink Mountain Dew because they think it's a contraceptive?

Answer: (All together now) FATHERS!

DEAR ABBY: In a reply to a recent letter about the devastating effects of smoking, you pledge to continue your campaign to discourage young people from starting to smoke.

Here's some help: Some 50 years ago, my scoutmaster demonstrated what happens when you blow smoke through a white handkerchief. I'll never forget the ugly brown stain from just one strong puff.

If everyone who comes in contact with young people performed this demonstration, perhaps some of them would think twice before beginning or continuing to smoke. -- JOHN F. GLASS, STUDIO CITY, CALIF.

DEAR JOHN: Thanks for the help. I remember seeing a similar demonstration many years ago. It was targeted at young people who had not yet started to smoke, and one look was a convincing deterrent because of the amount of tar that appeared on the handkerchief. It took no imagination to see what smoking does to the bronchial tubes and lungs.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: You gave incorrect information to your readers when you stated that oxygen was extremely flammable and the oxygen should be turned off whenever one smokes.

Oxygen does not burn, Abby. It supports combustion. Users of oxygen have their clothes saturated with oxygen, and this is the source of the danger. Their clothes can go up in flames because of it. That's why the rule is, "No smoking around an oxygen user." -- ERNEST R. SCHLACTER, M.D., WICHITA, KAN.

DEAR DR. SCHLACTER: Thank you for correcting my error. I have heard from several readers about it. I have seen signs that read "No smoking near oxygen" and assumed the reason was because it was flammable.

Now I would like to share some of the education I received about oxygen from John P. Skulavik, D.S., respiratory care practitioner and registered respiratory therapist. He is the regional director of environmental, health and safety for Airgas in Lakewood, Calif.:

"Oxygen is neither flammable nor combustible; however, it can make an existing fire burn faster. Therefore, it is important that there be at least a 25-foot distance between oxygen and any flames, sparks, heaters or other source of ignition. Oxygen should never be stored in a small closet or confined space as it could create a fire hazard.

"Smoking while using medical oxygen is a very dangerous practice and should never occur, unless one is anxious to be transported via ambulance to the burn unit, and/or checked into the inside of a refrigerator at the coroner's office."

He further explained that workers who use oxygen should never use pressurized oxygen to blow dust or debris off clothing or surfaces because items saturated with oxygen are a disaster waiting to happen.

You've heard the cliche, "If you play with fire, expect to get burned." Well, the same holds true for oxygen. While oxygen is necessary for life, used improperly it can become an instrument of death.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently remarried after 10 years apart. He is 70; I am 58. The subject is a delicate one.

During the last seven of our years apart, my husband was sexually inactive -- and unfortunately atrophy has set in. This is a generous and giving man, Abby, and we have a lot of physical love-sharing. The problem? He opposes Viagra. Not having "that" part of love-making available to us is an incredible loss for me. It is for him, too, I am certain. I pray about it and talk to friends, but nobody has offered us any help.

My questions for you are: Is it possible this male dysfunction thing will reverse itself? And are there other options besides Viagra? Given all the bad news, do you have any advice on how to cope with this? -- LOOKING FOR MIRACLES, MERIDIAN, MISS.

DEAR LOOKING: Male sexual dysfunction that persists for seven years rarely reverses itself without medical or psychological intervention. Your husband is long overdue for a complete physical examination, and if a cause isn't determined, he should ask for a referral to a urologist to determine the cause. And yes, there are other options besides Viagra. The doctor will be delighted to enlighten him.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)