DEAR ABBY: Over the past few years, I have noticed more and more reports of young people -- some barely into high school -- who seem to have no higher goal in life than making babies of their own.

Those I've talked to don't seem to realize how much tougher it will be to go on to college and take up a career while also having to care for a child. They don't believe that life can bring them anything better than their current situation and think that having babies is their only option.

Abby, for all its faults, this is still a great country we live in, filled with opportunities for those able and willing to take advantage of them. Getting a good education and NOT having kids when you're young is a step in the right direction. Without the responsibilities of parenthood, young people have the freedom to travel, gain more life experience, and then are able to share these with their children as they grow up.

Please keep spreading the word, Abby. Having kids is a responsibility that should not be taken lightly. -- STEVE IN MINNESOTA

DEAR STEVE: That's true. Professionals who work with young adults have observed that those who start a family during their teen years tend to see no possibility of a brighter future ahead. Conversely, teens who understand that a higher education and a career that pays more than minimum wage are possible for themselves are more inclined to postpone childbearing.

So, you see -- hope is a most effective contraceptive!

DEAR ABBY: I read your column most every day and enjoy it very much. I must tell you about an obscene telephone call I received about 8 o'clock one morning. There was heavy breathing and then a deep voice said, "I want your body." To which I replied, "Have you seen it lately?" The caller hung up immediately, never to call again. -- GINGER IN VENTURA, CALIF.

DEAR GINGER: Your letter broke me up. However, in a more serious vein, my readers should take note of the following:

DEAR ABBY: I feel that your compliment to "Frankly Boring" on how she handled her obscene telephone caller warrants further examination.

First of all, she played right into the caller's hands by inviting conversation. Next she informed the caller that she was the only adult in the house. Then she implied that she was lonely, being "cooped up with two kids under the age of 4."

As a retired police officer and author of the "Domestic Violence Survival Guide" (Looseleaf Law Publications Inc., Flushing, N.Y.), I advise readers to HANG UP IMMEDIATELY and REPEATEDLY whenever they receive a bogus phone call.

Even with automatic redial, a caller will tire of trying to bait someone who refuses to be baited. Hope this helps. -- CLIFF MARIANI, HUDSON, FLA.

DEAR CLIFF: You're right. The woman did disclose too much personal information about herself and her circumstances, and it could have led to an escalation of her problem. Fortunately, however, her unorthodox solution worked because she never heard from the caller again. Victims of obscene callers should take note of your advice -- it was more carefully thought-out than mine.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Feb. 4 was a sad day. One less child is going to come back to school. He will never eat pizza, play games or laugh again. He passed away last night.

William Brown died on Feb. 3 in an icy pond in Chesapeake, Va. He and some other boys were playing on an iced-over pond when the ice broke. Two of the boys got out, and 911 people pulled one boy out of the pond. Sadly, William could not be revived. He died after 45 minutes in the freezing water. He wasn't even a teen-ager yet.

I had seen William in the halls at school, and he was probably in my class at one point or another. When I heard he had died, I started to cry. How could this happen to someone so young?

I want to make sure no more children die the way William did. Please, Abby, warn your readers about the danger of ice. Even if the ice looks thick, it often isn't. It may break, and you could drown. William learned the hard way.

No laughter was heard in school today. The flag will be raised only halfway. One less person will come back to school -- because of thin ice. -- KRISTEN MC CARTHY, AGE 12, CHESAPEAKE, VA.

DEAR KRISTEN: My deepest sympathy goes out to William Brown's family. Your heartfelt warning deserves space in my column. Thank you for writing.

DEAR ABBY: When I saw the letter from "Tempted," the girls' high school coach in California, I had to write. I would like to urge him to remain calm and cool.

He should take "that look" some of his students are giving him as a compliment -- and handle it gracefully. Girls that age quickly develop crushes, and sooner or later they get over them. I would not bench anybody or report her to the principal. To do so would be an overreaction and too harsh. I would let them flirt all they want (after a while they'll become bored) and continue to go about the business of coaching.

While Title IX has given young women the opportunity to be strong and confident and learn teamwork, it seems to have given some of them license to be as aggressive, profane, vulgar and obscene as men can be -- which is unfortunate.

I have also noticed that some girls without fathers, be it through desertion, divorce or death, especially crave older male attention, and they don't care where they get it. Girls learn to relate to and love men through their fathers. Dad is "safe" and should be a role model. Teachers and coaches are handy substitutes.

So, "Tempted," be patient, kind and keep it friendly -- and keep your wits about you. -- 60-YEAR-OLD RETIRED COACH IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR COACH: You have made some valid points, and I agree with your conclusion. However, the 26-year-old coach signed his letter "Tempted." If he gives in to that temptation, he could not only ruin his budding career, but the life of the student with whom he became involved as well. If there's a question, it's better to err on the side of caution.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY MUSLIM READERS: Happy Eid Al-Adha!

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have read your column since I was in high school but never dreamed that one day I would be writing to you.

My 21-year-old son and his 23-year-old girlfriend have been living together for nearly a year. They recently became engaged. My husband and I were delighted, because we were never happy about their living arrangement.

They have decided to be married on the beach in Hawaii. Her family owns a condo there. This presents a problem. My husband was recently laid off from his job, and money is tight. I explained to my son that my husband and I will be unable to attend the wedding. I asked them to please reconsider the ceremony in Hawaii, and to take their vows here. The trip to Hawaii could be their honeymoon.

He is my only son, and I have always dreamed of the day I would attend his wedding. However, after many lengthy discussions with him -- some not so nice -- it appears that I will not fulfill my dream. They told us that they have no intention of changing their plans. Of course, her parents will be at the wedding. They have much more money than we will ever have, and they planned on going anyway.

I feel betrayed and hurt by my son and his fiancee. I thought we had a good relationship. Am I right to feel this way? I have told my husband that if you say I should get over it, I will try. My daughter, who is 17, also feels that her brother is abandoning us for the new, wealthier family. Abby, perhaps I should mention that the future in-laws are planning on buying a house for the newlyweds.

I am heartbroken because of my son's disregard for my feelings. Every day that goes by drives a bigger wedge in my relationship with him. Please hurry your answer. -- MOTHER OF THE GROOM

DEAR MOTHER: I understand how hurt and saddened you are by the wedding plans. However, since the bride's family traditionally plans and pays for the wedding, it is up to them to decide where the ceremony will take place. The bride may have always dreamed of being married on the beach, and her dream must come before yours.

Your son is caught in the middle. He is trying to make his bride happy, form a good relationship with his new in-laws, and take your feelings and financial circumstances into account.

Perhaps your budget could be stretched to allow one of you to travel to Hawaii for the wedding, or you can host a small reception for the honeymooners when they return to the mainland. But please, do not make your son feel guilty.

DEAR ABBY: For the most part, the letter you printed from "No Name, No City, No Church" expressed some understandable sentiments. However, there was one statement made by "Ms. No" that caused me to take umbrage. She said, "If they (the men at church) were still unmarried in their 40s, there was usually a very good reason for it."

I am in my 40s. I am unmarried, and I often remark to friends that I love being single. There are many of us 40-ish men who are unmarried because we want to be -- not because we are warped, psychotic, too attached to our mothers, immature, have smelly feet, or for any other reason. It's because we like it that way.

"Ms. No's" statement would seem to imply that there is some defect in us, and I just don't think that's true. -- MIDDLE-AGED, SINGLE AND CONTENT IN ANDERSON, S.C.

DEAR MIDDLE-AGED: You'll get no argument from me. Men like you are called confirmed bachelors. Your female counterparts are equally committed to singlehood. Since you are happy, and your social lives give you all the satisfaction you desire, enjoy!

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)