DEAR ABBY: My husband is national sales manager for a company that participates in frequent out-of-town trade shows. These events are held in luxurious hotels and involve entertaining clients in posh restaurants.

Lately, he has been inviting his secretary, who is half his age (and mine), to these shows -- even though she is not in sales and has no role there other than being agreeable to customers. That was formerly my role, but I seem to have been replaced.

Although she has women friends in the company, she regularly has lunch with my husband unless he is otherwise engaged. They share a small office where they chat about much besides business, including our personal life. Opinions I have confided in him get back to me through her other acquaintances.

I think that the relationship has passed from professional into intimate, but my husband says I'm crazy. He thinks only a sexual relationship is "intimate," but I think emotional intimacy often evolves into a sexual relationship, and an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Do you think I'm wrong? -- FEELING REPLACED IN ATLANTA

DEAR FEELING REPLACED: I think you are 100 percent right, and if your husband's secretary is accompanying him on business trips and assuming the role you once played, it may already have crossed the line. I have often said that the most erotic organ in the human body is the human ear -- and if he's filling hers with intimate details about your marriage, that in itself is a betrayal.

DEAR ABBY: Thank you for printing my letter about having been thanked for my service in the war, and for your supportive comments. It was reassuring to read them, for I was a bit concerned after writing to you -- it was such an impulsive act.

I had intended to send the letter to my local newspaper, but then I thought that if this gesture of thanks meant so much to me, it might be of comfort to veterans nationwide. The same day that the letter appeared in your column, I received two telephone calls from the East Coast!

Several letters and calls of thanks have been received since. The thought that many other persons may have read the letter and then taken the time to thank a veteran has been most rewarding.

I intend to respond to everyone who has contacted me. Abby, I believe that you and I have touched the heart and conscience of this nation. On behalf of those veterans whose services have been recognized, I thank you again. -- OSCAR ORTIZ, SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR OSCAR: I, too, believe your letter touched the heart and conscience of this nation. Since your letter appeared in my column, I have received many dozens of letters from veterans who have been thanked for their service to our country -- and the letters are still pouring in. They touched MY heart, each and every one!

CONFIDENTIAL TO 'CUTTING A FEW CORNERS' IN COLUMBIA, MD.: I'd advise against it. The saddest day in the life of a man is when he's sure he's discovered a way to make money without working for it.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My family is having problems with my brother's wife. They have been married about eight years, and my brother seems like a different person today.

Before marrying, "Eric" was a nice and compliant person. When the family got together on something, he would always participate. Our mother was particularly fond of Eric, as he would accompany her to concerts or church since my father did not like to go to these events. Eric never argued or spoke up to any of us, but now he has an opinion on everything and lets it be known. He used to always put his family first, but now he favors his wife and children.

Eric has told us that he has been seeing a counselor for a long time. He has invited all of us to join him, but we don't believe in that sort of thing. We all know Eric would have never started seeing a counselor if it weren't for his wife. Our parents are especially devastated that Eric has changed so much.

What can we do to stop his wife and get our old Eric back? -- HANK IN TACOMA, WASH.

DEAR HANK: There is nothing you can do. And please don't blame Eric's wife for the change in his personality. She could only encourage her husband to seek counseling. The rest was up to him.

Face it, Eric has slipped his chain. Perhaps he has taken to heart what he learned in counseling and is, in fact, doing very well. Once passive "people pleasers" learn to assert themselves, it's unlikely that they will go back to being the way they were. The rest of you will have to adjust.

DEAR ABBY: We buried my uncle yesterday, and several people said to my aunt, "I'll stop by and see you soon." I know how easy it is to make such promises when caught up in the moment, and I hope at least a couple of those people follow through.

I live 75 miles away and can't spend as much time with my aunt as I'd like. They used to have a very active social life, but as dementia took the sparkle from their conversations, my aunt and uncle were relegated more and more to the company of the health aides who have cared for them around the clock. Few of their old friends drop in.

I know it is difficult for people to make time, especially for less pleasant things like a conversation with someone who isn't the same scintillating person they used to know. But it is so good for the person to continue to have interaction with others, and it's just plain cheering to see a different face for a few minutes.

I don't want to preach, but I hope my letter will inspire a few people to spend half an hour with friends or relatives who could use a bright spot in their day. Even if their minds don't remember it, their hearts will. -- NIECE IN TROY, N.Y.

DEAR NIECE: You have written an eloquent letter. When people age, their friends begin to die and their list of social contacts grows shorter. It then becomes the responsibility of nuclear and extended family to make sure older people don't become completely isolated.

There are many ways to entertain older people who suffer from age-related memory loss: preparing and bringing over a favorite meal or dish, a cassette of music from their generation that might lift the spirits and stimulate the memory, a short drive in a familiar neighborhood.

A companion pet can provide a special kind of love, not to mention entertainment. However, one should not be given unless the giver is absolutely sure it can be properly cared for and looked after.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a concerned parent. My daughter's best friend here in California has been writing and receiving mail from a prisoner in San Quentin. She is 14, and the young man she's corresponding with is 17. Worse yet, she wants to marry him. She had him living with her for two weeks last November when he got out of prison.

My husband learned the young man was breaking probation, and he was sent back to prison. How do you deal with teen-aged girls writing and visiting men in prison? -- CONCERNED PARENT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONCERNED: Were I the girl's parent, I would have notified the warden at San Quentin that one of his "guests" was corresponding with an underage girl and I wanted it stopped! Frankly, I am shocked that the parents of your daughter's friend would allow such a living arrangement. A 14-year-old girl is too easily manipulated. Read on for a letter from a woman who was older -- and should have been wiser:

DEAR ABBY: Not long ago I began seeing a man who seemed to be the most caring, generous person. The relationship moved quickly, and we began to discuss moving in together. Friends expressed concern about the speed of events, but I felt it was love at first sight. This in itself was exciting, as I have always been a bit overweight and this nice-looking man was showing a great deal of interest in me.

A few things kept this from being absolutely perfect: He owned few possessions other than clothes, he was living with a relative at no cost, he didn't own a vehicle, he was having to spend quite a bit of time in court, and he drank a bit more than I normally felt comfortable with. He attributed all of this to his ex-fiance, who, he explained, had set him up on false charges. (I had offered to accompany him to court for moral support, but he didn't want me exposed to this "vicious woman.")

I believed him because what would this sweet man possibly have done to deserve any of what he had gone through? It also would have meant that I wasn't as desirable as I had been feeling lately.

Had someone told me what I heard for myself, I would never have believed him capable of such ruthlessness. One evening, I overheard him tell a "bar buddy" that he was looking at some serious jail time, and he needed someone to make deposits into his jail account and to visit him. He also commented that he didn't have a lot of time and he couldn't be as selective as he would like. I was devastated -- for what did that say about me?

I have been blessed with some very understanding friends and a great counselor. Let me share with you what I have found:

1. It says NOTHING about me. It says HE was a creep, the kind few of us can relate to or comprehend.

2. Quick involvement is a red flag for potential problems -- possibly even abuse.

3. Anyone can file a complaint against someone, but the police have to have a good reason to arrest someone on that complaint. With the person's name and birthdate, you can get information concerning that person's arrest record and, in most non-felony cases, you may even be able to get a police report. (I discovered that two of the incidents occurred while we were seeing each other, and one he even admitted to the police.)

This man chose me because of my lack of self-esteem. The most important thing people -- especially women -- need to work toward is knowing what we are worth and not accepting less. It will make us far less vulnerable to con men such as the one with whom I was involved. -- NICK OF TIME IN DENVER

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)