DEAR ABBY: I was a mother of two young children and a happily married woman until I got involved with a married former flame. Years ago I was crazy about him, but he didn't feel the same about me so I went on with my life. When our paths crossed several months ago, neither one of us thought we'd be unfaithful to our spouses, but we couldn't stay away, and I fell totally in love with him again. We both agreed we are soul mates, but unfortunately it wasn't meant to be.

The affair has now ended, and I am having a hard time going on with my life. I don't feel the same about my husband -- who is a wonderful husband and father. I feel so lucky I didn't get caught and lose everything. I want my happiness with my life back. I know if I hadn't crossed that line I wouldn't be in this mess. I'm afraid to go to counseling, as it may draw attention from my husband -- but I don't know how to cope and let go of those feelings of love for the other man.

Can people really fall back in love after having an affair? What can I do to get on with my life? I am trying to be strong one day at a time. -- SORRY NOW IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR SORRY NOW: Take the chance and get counseling. It will help you assess what made you so vulnerable to the affair, and to take stock of what's important in your marriage. Yes, it is possible for couples to "fall in love again." And one of the strongest motivators is recognizing the reasons they needed each other in the first place.

DEAR ABBY: You advised a reader who signed herself "Stacking the Odds in Oregon" to contact Al-Anon and inquire about an intervention program for her mother. I have been an Al-Anon member for more than eight years and would like to set the record straight because Al-Anon has changed my life.

Al-Anon is NOT a referral program. Please do NOT call if you are looking for a rehabilitation center, intervention program or therapist. Al-Anon is not allied with any sect, denomination, political entity, organization or institution. Al-Anon does not engage in any controversy, and neither endorses nor opposes any cause. There are no dues for membership; Al-Anon is self-supporting through its own voluntary contributions.

Al-Anon is a fellowship of relatives and friends of alcoholics who share their experience, strength and hope in order to solve their common problems. Al-Anon has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics.

Because of Al-Anon, my life is filled with joy, friendship, hope and love, where once there was only sadness, loneliness, despair and anger. Please, Abby, let your readers know that if they are affected by another person's drinking, Al-Anon may help. We're in the phone book. -- AL-ANONYMOUS IN TARZANA, CALIF.

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Thank you for writing to remind me that if people need intervention for someone with an alcohol or drug problem, it must be arranged with the institution in which the patient will be detoxed or rehabilitated -- NOT Al-Anon! I needed the reminder, and I want only to steer my readers in the right direction.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I work in a small sales office. We are all women, and despite the potential for intense competition (we work on commission), everyone pretty much gets along.

One woman, however, is constantly challenging, questioning and putting me down personally and professionally. She ridicules my opinions in planning meetings, implies I'm making things up in all sorts of situations, and argues with everything I do and say, even if it is not her business. She spends large amounts of time on personal phone calls, which interrupt my concentration, and mocks me for not doing the same.

My manager, while sympathetic, tells me I'm a far more experienced "pro" and to ignore her. It's nice that management recognizes my experience and commitment, but I'm increasingly frustrated and angry with my co-worker. Her aggravating behavior needs to stop. Any efforts I've made to make her understand have been met with defensiveness or just plain name-calling (in a laughing way).

How do I put a stop to her behavior while continuing to be a team player? I'm ready to look for another job, but I love this one -- except for her. -- STYMIED IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR STYMIED: Name-calling, implying you are making things up and ridicule are not acceptable office behavior. Make notes of the date and time of each abusive incident. Then ask the office manager to insist on mutual respect in the work place. It is your employer's responsibility to provide a nonhostile working environment.

DEAR ABBY: If you have room for one more letter about "Disillusioned in Dallas," the gentleman whose manners were unappreciated, feel free to print mine. I am female, and I, too, live in Dallas -- and I'm wondering if this is indigenous to the women of our city.

I am happily married to a mannerly gentleman (one of the many traits that make him so desirable), and we have recently begun teaching our young son the social graces. He practices holding doors open for women while we're out shopping. He smiles as he props his 4-year-old body against the door to hold it open, and incredible as it sounds, not one woman under the age of 50 has ever thanked him.

When this occurs, I forgo my manners and say to my son (loudly enough for the offender to hear), "She should've thanked you, but her manners aren't as good as yours." I would have to say the same applies to "Disillusioned's" acquaintances.

If these rude, self-absorbed women aren't appreciative of, or touched by, the efforts of a young boy, it's no surprise that they're equally unappreciative of such courtesies extended by the gentleman they choose to date.

Abby, please tell "Disillusioned" to continue his courteous, respectful manners, and I will continue teaching them to my son. The women of Dallas have a legacy of being some of the most beautiful, successful women in the country. I'm hopeful that in the future, they'll also be known for their good manners. -- DETERMINED IN DALLAS

DEAR DETERMINED: Anyone who would ignore the efforts of a child to do the right thing must have a heart of stone. A stranger pausing to praise a child for being well-behaved or practicing good manners can leave an even more lasting impression than when a parent does it.

Stick to your guns, Mom, and continue to teach your son the social graces. They're still something that well-bred people need to know.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Dick," has a best friend who is married to a woman I dislike more every time I see her. "Ruby" makes nasty remarks about Dick in front of me. Frankly, I don't understand why because Dick has made a wonderful life for me and my son. He has given us many things, including a beautiful home -- which Ruby doesn't have. Among other things, she calls him a "male chauvinist." It happens almost every time they talk. Dick doesn't seem to mind, but I do.

They bring their large family to stay with us once a year for a week without my permission, but with Dick's permission. He is only too happy to comply. Ruby says she "just loves our home," and assumes she's always welcome.

I'm sure it would be a rude awakening for Ruby to discover she isn't exactly my best friend. Why is it that people today think everyone is their friend, and they can just stay in your home because it's on the way to somewhere? Sometimes I think they stay here not so much because they like our home, but to avoid paying for a motel.

By the way, I haven't exactly made it pleasant for them. Sometimes I don't change the linen in their "guest room." I have talked to Dick about their staying for four days instead of a week, but he seems to think it's fun to have them stay the whole seven days. Your thoughts, please. -- HAD IT WITH RUBY

DEAR HAD IT: You are blaming the wrong person. Since you have told your husband how you feel about having this couple as houseguests, and he refuses to compromise by reducing the length of their visits, he is the one responsible for your discomfort.

Ruby may have a point. A man who disregards his wife's feelings in what should be a joint decision, could, indeed, be considered a "male chauvinist." However, if you resent hearing Ruby challenge your husband, take her aside and tell her privately how hurt and angry it makes you to hear it. In all probability, that will put an end to it.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 28-year-old divorcee. I have been divorced for three years and have found it very difficult to find "Mr. Right." About eight months ago, I was introduced to someone I thought was perfect. He is 30 years old, has never been married -- no children -- and is very set in his ways. He doesn't smoke, drink or do drugs.

However, he does keep me up all night. He snores, grinds his teeth and makes all kinds of funky noises in his sleep. Also, I find him very needy and clingy, and sometimes it gets on my nerves.

I want to try to make it work, but then again I don't. I like being with him; however, I would rather live alone and enjoy my life. I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I really don't see a long-term future with this man. Frankly, I am bored with the relationship. What should I do? -- CONFUSED IN GEORGIA

DEAR CONFUSED: What you are describing is ambivalence. Before you make any hard and fast decisions, you'd be wise to talk to a counselor to determine whether your feelings might be related to your divorce and/or a fear of commitment. If they're not, let this eligible man go so he can find a woman who appreciates him and can live with his imperfections -- and you can find a man who's closer to your ideal.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)