DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Dick," has a best friend who is married to a woman I dislike more every time I see her. "Ruby" makes nasty remarks about Dick in front of me. Frankly, I don't understand why because Dick has made a wonderful life for me and my son. He has given us many things, including a beautiful home -- which Ruby doesn't have. Among other things, she calls him a "male chauvinist." It happens almost every time they talk. Dick doesn't seem to mind, but I do.

They bring their large family to stay with us once a year for a week without my permission, but with Dick's permission. He is only too happy to comply. Ruby says she "just loves our home," and assumes she's always welcome.

I'm sure it would be a rude awakening for Ruby to discover she isn't exactly my best friend. Why is it that people today think everyone is their friend, and they can just stay in your home because it's on the way to somewhere? Sometimes I think they stay here not so much because they like our home, but to avoid paying for a motel.

By the way, I haven't exactly made it pleasant for them. Sometimes I don't change the linen in their "guest room." I have talked to Dick about their staying for four days instead of a week, but he seems to think it's fun to have them stay the whole seven days. Your thoughts, please. -- HAD IT WITH RUBY

DEAR HAD IT: You are blaming the wrong person. Since you have told your husband how you feel about having this couple as houseguests, and he refuses to compromise by reducing the length of their visits, he is the one responsible for your discomfort.

Ruby may have a point. A man who disregards his wife's feelings in what should be a joint decision, could, indeed, be considered a "male chauvinist." However, if you resent hearing Ruby challenge your husband, take her aside and tell her privately how hurt and angry it makes you to hear it. In all probability, that will put an end to it.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 28-year-old divorcee. I have been divorced for three years and have found it very difficult to find "Mr. Right." About eight months ago, I was introduced to someone I thought was perfect. He is 30 years old, has never been married -- no children -- and is very set in his ways. He doesn't smoke, drink or do drugs.

However, he does keep me up all night. He snores, grinds his teeth and makes all kinds of funky noises in his sleep. Also, I find him very needy and clingy, and sometimes it gets on my nerves.

I want to try to make it work, but then again I don't. I like being with him; however, I would rather live alone and enjoy my life. I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I really don't see a long-term future with this man. Frankly, I am bored with the relationship. What should I do? -- CONFUSED IN GEORGIA

DEAR CONFUSED: What you are describing is ambivalence. Before you make any hard and fast decisions, you'd be wise to talk to a counselor to determine whether your feelings might be related to your divorce and/or a fear of commitment. If they're not, let this eligible man go so he can find a woman who appreciates him and can live with his imperfections -- and you can find a man who's closer to your ideal.

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DEAR ABBY: For more than a year, I have been troubled by my fiancee's drinking. (I'll call her Julia.) Last week, Julia admitted to me that she is addicted to alcohol.

She continues to push me to set a wedding date. It has become a major issue for her because most of her friends are married, and she feels humiliated about being single. We have set tentative wedding dates in the past, but then have scrubbed them.

I am less worried about the date of the wedding than I am about Julia's drinking problem. I love her dearly, and with my encouragement she has gone to counseling, but I believe she has a long way to go.

She pushed me for a date again tonight. When I told her I wanted to discuss it with her in person rather than over the phone, she hung up on me. I'm sure that she had been drinking. She gets a "buzz" two or three nights a week and is a different person under those circumstances.

This would be the second marriage for both of us. I am 53; Julia is 48. We both have grown children.

I don't think I've handled this very well, and I'm not sure what to do. However, I don't want to spend the rest of my life with a partner who abuses alcohol. -- CONFUSED IN SAVANNAH

DEAR CONFUSED: I would say you are wise to delay setting a wedding date until your fiancee has been sober for at least six months. Encourage Julia to continue counseling and to attend AA meetings. You can gain insight into the situation by contacting Al-Anon, a program for friends and family of alcoholics. Consult your phone book for the location of your nearest chapter.

Alcoholism is a sickness, and I hope Julia wins the battle, but if she doesn't, don't feel guilty if you decide to get on with your life without her.

DEAR ABBY: My ex-wife and I have been divorced for almost seven years. We have one daughter together. During our separation, my ex-wife became pregnant and gave birth to a girl. She told me the girl was mine; however, I didn't believe her. I was positive her new boyfriend was the father.

Recently our daughter went to visit my ex-wife's family. She brought home a photograph of my ex-wife's second daughter. When I saw it, my heart started pounding. She bears a strong resemblance to me!

If she is my daughter, I want to be part of her life. At the same time, she seems to be happy with her family and I don't want to disrupt her life. Should I demand a paternity test to see if she's mine? -- FATHER OF TWO?

DEAR FATHER: Do not start out by "demanding" anything. Tell your ex-wife that you saw the child's picture and were struck by the child's resemblance to you, and you feel you may owe her an apology. Explain that you would like to be part of the little girl's life, but you do not want to disrupt the new family. Then listen to what your ex-wife has to say. It is important that after all these years, the subject be dealt with in a friendly manner.

If she refuses, there is plenty of time to pursue the matter legally if you must. However, I urge you to try diplomacy first.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: As I climbed the stairs to the front door one day, I got a funny feeling. When I opened the door, I knew that something had happened. I ran to the bedroom closet and jerked the door open. All of my father's shoes were gone, and so was he! No one had said anything to me about his leaving.

At school I was a dreamer, irritated with the boring trivia people demanded I learn. At home one parent ignored me, except when I made a mistake -- corrected at the loudest volume -- while the other spent every spare moment teaching and quizzing difficult subjects. No one listened or spoke to me. During the previous four years, I had lived in my own world: nightmares, sleepwalking -- once all the way down to the street -- planning my death and funeral, and wishing I was dead. I lived in profound depression. No one noticed. Discovering that my father was gone felt like falling off a cliff after thinking I was on solid ground.

As I walked slowly to the kitchen I decided that I'd had enough of everything. After my usual milk and cookies and the San Francisco Chronicle -- a new column had appeared a few days earlier (1956) -- I would decide how and when to do it. My parents were very busy people, and I knew they wouldn't want to bother with my pain. I decided to write to the author of the new column. I haven't the first clue why I chose that person, but at least the columnist would know why I was dead.

A few days later, I got another shock. Being the first one home every day, I brought the mail in. I was stunned to see a letter addressed to me. ME! Someone thought I mattered enough to write to me even though I was only 10 years old. It was a long, thoughtful, caring response that advised me to find someone to whom I could talk or write.

An aunt living in Arizona seemed a good choice. I didn't know her too well, but I liked her and began writing. She wrote back. When I became an adult, I told her how I came to write to her all my life.

I survived my childhood with a large unpaid debt. It is important to me that you publish this letter, Abby, so that it can be partially repaid by saying a public "thank you" for kindness to a child and for saving her life. That new columnist was you! Over the years I've thought of you often, always with amazement that you wrote to me. It was a very special thing that you did. Thank you.

With appreciation and thanks. -- D.L.G. IN BEVERLY HILLS

DEAR D.L.G.: I'm deeply touched by your letter and pleased that I was there for you when you needed someone.

The most profound way to repay your "debt" is to pass that good deed along to others who need to know that they are important and that somebody who has nothing to gain cares.

DEAR ABBY: My boss gave me diamond earrings for Christmas. I am a married woman and he is a married man.

I know his wife thinks this was an inappropriate present. I am torn. What should I do? -- WORKING WOMAN IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR WORKING WOMAN: Return the earrings, and tell your boss you are not comfortable accepting them knowing that his wife feels they were an inappropriate gift. The last thing you need is a boss whose wife resents you.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)