DEAR ABBY: I have a son who met a girl at work. One thing led to another, and now she is pregnant. This relationship is about two months old.

He has told me on several occasions that he does not love her but wants to do the "right" thing. Should a man marry just to give the child a name when in reality he would rather not? -- SOON TO BE A GRANDPA

DEAR SOON: Doing the "right" thing does not necessarily mean marrying a girl he doesn't love and impregnated accidentally. There are other ways your son can fulfill his obligation. If your son is certain that he is the father, his name can be put on the baby's birth certificate -- which means he will be obligated to provide child support until the child reaches adulthood.

Perhaps when your son and this girl get to know each other better, they will decide they care enough about each other to make a lifetime commitment. But to marry in haste would, in my opinion, only compound their mistake.

DEAR ABBY: "Harriet From Tampa's" advice about having elderly relatives record their memories for future generations is wonderful. As the family historian and genealogist, I know how valuable these personal histories can be.

However, I'm asking you to remind your readers that magnetic media are surprisingly fragile. Recording artists and engineers have gone back to the studio only to discover that tapes made as recently as 30 years ago are flaking away and worthless. Cassette tapes that sit on a shelf untouched for decades develop "dropouts" for no reason. Media preferences change, too -- many children growing up today have no idea what to do with a vinyl phonograph record, and the same fate could befall today's audio- and videocassettes.

By all means, have Aunt Edna record her history. But if she gives you an audio recording, make sure you transcribe it right away as a backup. And if you use a word processor, print the file. A computer file will last only as long as today's word processor, and the hard drive is a magnetic medium as well, making it as vulnerable as audiotape. The paper might yellow, but it stands a better chance of surviving the centuries than tapes and computer disks.

And while you're printing the file, make several copies and send them to various relatives who might also be interested in saving them for posterity. Some will inevitably be destroyed, but the more copies that are made, the more likely one will be preserved. -- CHARLES O'REILLY, RUTHERFORD, N.J.

DEAR CHARLES: I hope families who are interested in preserving their family histories will take your advice. Technology has taken a giant leap in the last 100 years. It's ironic, however, that the most reliable way of preserving the information is still on paper -- a "technology" that was perfected 2,000 years ago.

DEAR ABBY: In a recent column, you had two quotations concerning "you know you are getting old when --." You might be interested in the one my brother uses:

"You know you're getting old when the policeman on the corner looks like a teen-ager." -- EDSON M. TENNANT, BYRON, CALIF.

DEAR EDSON: Right. And I have another one for you: "You know you're getting old when the derelicts look young."

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm at my wit's end. My cousin "Sheila" and I are very close. She lives around the corner and comes over almost daily to play with my 20-month-old daughter, "Megan." The problem is, Sheila says unkind things about Megan's behavior, such as, "Evidently those child-rearing books you read haven't worked," or, "If you can't control her at 20 months, how will you control her when she's a teen-ager?" The worst is, "You know, I have a love/hate relationship with Megan -- I really love her, but after a while I can't stand being around her."

Megan likes to squeal. She sometimes cries a little too loudly and doesn't always want to share her toys, but my husband and I try to discipline her. The rest of our friends and family members think she is well-behaved, and many of them think the problem is with Sheila. They say they've seen her encourage Megan to act wildly just to see what my husband and I would do.

I love my cousin, and Megan loves her, too. However, I'm not sure whether or not I should put some distance between us. Sheila is very sensitive, and the last time I spoke to her about this, she wouldn't talk to me for a week. Megan is attached to Sheila, and I am not sure I should jeopardize their relationship. Please help. -- MEGAN'S MOM IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR MOM: Something is wrong with an adult who derives pleasure from getting a child in trouble. If it continues, your daughter will never know where she stands with this immature and somewhat sadistic individual.

Tell Sheila to stop popping in and out of your home dispensing unkind and unasked-for observations about your child-rearing ability. If she wants to be part of your daughter's life, she should start giving Megan "unconditional love" -- or stay home.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 26-year-old former college soccer player, now coaching a girls' high school team in California. This is my first coaching job, and for some reason, some of the girls on the team are flirting with me and being very suggestive.

When a girl gives me "that look," I am both troubled and excited at the same time. I want to maintain my professional coaching relationship, but it's becoming very difficult. Do you or any of your readers have any suggestions? I have heard about coaches becoming involved with the athletes. -- TEMPTED

DEAR TEMPTED: If I were you, I'd keep one eye on the ball, the other on the scoreboard, and if one of these young women makes another pass, tell her she's out of bounds and if it happens again, she'll be benched and reported to the principal.

If the temptation is too much for you, I recommend a cold shower and reassignment to a boys' soccer team. These girls are minors, and you are in a position of trust and authority. Involvement with a student could destroy the rest of your professional life.

DEAR ABBY: What is the correct time limit to send out a thank-you note? Is a month sufficient? I am talking about holiday gifts. Thanks! -- RUNNING BEHIND IN ST. CHARLES, LA.

DEAR RUNNING BEHIND: The sooner the better! Certainly no later than a month. And that goes for all gifts -- so get moving!

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: In a recent column you discussed the subject of inhalant abuse. It incorrectly mentioned a 3M product, Scotchgard Fabric Protector, as one product that is commonly abused.

Prior to 1993, Scotchgard protector did contain solvents that were apparently attractive to "huffers." However, 3M responded to environmental and safety concerns and reformulated the product. Since that reformulation, we have not been made aware of any inhalant incidents related to this product. The current product is water-based. -- HARVEY BERWIN, PH.D., 3M HOME CARE DIVISION, ST. PAUL, MINN.

DEAR DR. BERWIN: That's a relief. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am the director of the National Inhalant Prevention Coalition. I recently read the follow-up letter in your column about inhalant-related death. Unfortunately, incidents like this occur all too frequently. More than 340 deaths have been reported to us since 1996. Education and awareness are the prime prevention tools in dealing with this problem.

I would like to share another issue that has recently arisen that a number of people have contacted me about. One of the major shoe manufacturers has a new product -- a basketball shoe filled with helium. Their promotion for the shoe includes basketball stars who talk as if they have just huffed helium.

Abby, these are role models for young people who look up to these athletes. Some might say that if it's OK for these people to huff helium, then it's only a short leap of the imagination to assume it's OK to try something that could be far more deadly. -- HARVEY WEISS, DIRECTOR, NATIONAL INHALANT PREVENTION COALITION

DEAR MR. WEISS: The people responsible for that ad must have helium in their heads instead of brains. "Huffing" is not cool; it can be deadly.

Readers: The National Inhalant Prevention Coalition has a Web site that provides information in both English and Spanish at www.inhalants.org. The coalition also has materials it sends at no cost if people contact it through its Web site or via the toll-free number: 1-800-269-4237.

DEAR ABBY: On Dec. 25, you printed an unattributed piece titled "Friendship" that was sent to you by a reader in St. Petersburg, Fla.

I thought you would like to know those words were written by Dinah Maria Mulock Craik in 1866, in a book titled, "A Life for a Life" (p.169). Here is the original in its entirety:

"But oh! the blessing it is to have a friend to whom one can speak fearless on any subject; with whom one's deepest as well as one's most foolish thoughts come out simply and safely. Oh, the comfort -- the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person -- having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away." -- ROSALIE MAGGIO, ST. PAUL, MINN.

DEAR ROSALIE: Thank you for the reliable input. Several readers mistakenly informed me that it had been written by T.S. Eliot. However, Warren Seid, my trusty secret weapon at the Hollywood Library, has confirmed that you are correct.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)