DEAR ABBY: I have just returned from a visit with my older brother. It was the first time we had seen each other in years. Thank God he had the integrity to call me as soon as he realized how much he had hurt and offended me during our last meeting. An aunt had told him how I felt after I cried on her shoulder.

He called, told me how sorry he was, and thanked me for taking the call. When we got together, I discovered that he, too, was angry about something I had completely forgotten. I didn't even remember what it was that he had said or done that angered me; I just knew I was angry. We lost many years because of our lack of communication.

Abby, please tell your readers to pick up the phone and call the one with whom they are angry and talk about it. Start with, "I am sorry and I miss you."

It doesn't matter who did or said what to whom. If you love the person with whom you are angry, make the call and work it out. -- CASSIDY IN VENTURA, CALIF.

DEAR CASSIDY: I agree. One should never hesitate to make the call to mend fences with a loved one. Communication, coupled with love, is the beginning of forgiveness.

This week is International Forgiveness Week, and I urge all my readers to be forgiving. It's not as hard as it seems if you're willing to put your pride aside and make that call.

Robert Muller said it very well. Read on:

DECIDE TO FORGIVE

Decide to forgive

For resentment is negative

Resentment is poisonous

Resentment diminishes

And devours the self.

Be the first to forgive,

To smile and to take the first step,

And you will see happiness bloom

On the face of your human brother or sister.

Be always the first.

Do not wait for others to forgive

For by forgiving

You become the master of fate

The fashioner of life

The doer of miracles.

To forgive is the highest,

Most beautiful form of love.

In return you will receive

Untold peace and happiness.

Readers, I offer a "schedule" for achieving a forgiving heart:

SUNDAY: Forgive yourself.

MONDAY: Forgive your family.

TUESDAY: Forgive your friends and associates.

WEDNESDAY: Forgive across economic lines within your own nation.

THURSDAY: Forgive across cultural lines within your own nation.

FRIDAY: Forgive across political lines within your own nation.

SATURDAY: Forgive other nations.

Only the brave know how to forgive. A coward never forgives. It is not his nature.

A final thought -- and a favorite quotation of mine. It's a line from George Roemisch's poem "Forgiveness": "Forgiveness is the fragrance of the violet which still clings fast to the heel that crushed it."

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a veteran of World War II. I have a bumper sticker on my vehicle announcing a past reunion of my Army unit. Recently, while shopping, I was approached by an employee of the firm I was in who asked me, "Did you serve, sir?" I replied that I had, indeed, served in WWII. The young man then said, "I would like to thank you, sir, for what you did for our country."

I was stunned. In 55 years, this is the first time I have ever been thanked by a fellow American.

I lost three friends at Normandy, one of whom died at my side. When I look back at the fulfilling life that I have enjoyed in this country that I love, I regard with lasting sorrow the memory of those friends who were denied that opportunity.

The considerate words uttered by that young man meant more to me than I could ever convey to him. In some manner, the pain of remembrance has been made less painful by his kindness.

I returned to visit that young man and gave him my combat medic's badge as a token of my gratitude. -- OSCAR ORTIZ, SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR OSCAR: Because you chose to write this letter, countless veterans will be able to read that young man's words. Memories fade, but the printed word often outlives the writer. Thank you for sharing that rewarding encounter.

DEAR ABBY: Please publish the following plea. It may well save lives. As a deputy sheriff in a small county, I am called to the home of a citizen in a remote area at least once each duty day. Very often, I have a difficult time finding the right house because there is no address on the mailbox, or if there is an address, it's only on the side from which the mail delivery comes.

Emergency vehicles will come in from the closest direction. If there is an address, and it's on the side opposite our approach, we can't see it until we pass it -- and then we must take our eyes off the road to read it. If it's the one we're looking for, we must then find a safe place to turn around, causing further delay in our arrival.

On behalf of all peace officers, firefighters and emergency medical personnel across the nation, I make the following suggestions:

1. Place your address in large numbers in a contrasting color on BOTH sides of your mailbox.

2. Place your address on the house in such a manner as to be easily readable in all light and weather conditions. This is even more important when there are several homes close together.

3. If at all possible, please have someone at the door or in the yard to guide us in.

4. Give the 911 operator a brief description of the house.

Remember, we're trained, equipped and eager to offer the best emergency service, but we can't do a blessed thing until we find you. -- PETER N. SPAGNOLO, DEPUTY SHERIFF, PAYETTE COUNTY, IDAHO

DEAR DEPUTY SPAGNOLO: Those are excellent suggestions, and I hope they'll be taken to heart. They may prevent a tragedy. Your plea is one I hear at least once a year from emergency personnel.

Readers, please take a moment to see whether your address can be easily read from the street. And if it can't -- make it a priority to remedy the problem.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets I and II, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: You receive many letters from people telling you they are taken advantage of -- by friends, relatives, neighbors, etc. Why don't these "victims" assert themselves and refuse to do that which makes them uncomfortable?

The people who drop in unannounced, or the out-of-towners who freeload, are not friends. They have their own agendas and don't stop for one second to consider the other person's feelings.

I used to have a close friend until she asked me if she could borrow $50,000. Her request occurred less than three months after my husband was downsized from a corporation after 19 years. The friendship was never the same after I had to refuse.

My formula is simple: Choose people who treat you the way you treat them -- with consideration and respect. Perhaps some people say yes too often because they want the whole world to love them, and that's why they end up frustrated and resentful. People need to be stronger and simply speak up and just say no. -- BARBARA IN THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST

DEAR BARBARA: I agree that if people were more assertive, fewer would be taken advantage of. It's impossible for anyone to be loved by everyone -- and giving beyond one's means does not guarantee that the giver will receive respect and affection in return.

Classes in assertiveness training are offered by community colleges, community centers and some seniors centers. Books on assertiveness are also available at public libraries and bookstores.

DEAR ABBY: Because of your well-known compassion for animals, I thought you might be interested in knowing what my twin daughters, Lindy and Barbara Wallace of Moscow, Idaho, did for their 50th birthday last year. They decided to make it a special occasion.

They held their party at a local church and had it catered. A small jazz group provided music.

At their age, they decided they didn't need any more "stuff," so the invitations requested donations to the local Humane Society instead of gifts. Friends brought a mountain of dog food, cat food, pet toys, collars, leashes, pet carriers, etc. And many contributed money for the Humane Society wish list.

The Humane Society, which has a no-kill policy, was delighted -- and everyone had a wonderful time. -- BILLYE WALLACE, BUTTE, MONT.

DEAR BILLYE: Although I have heard from readers describing how they turned their special occasions into benefits for food banks and homeless shelters, yours is the first I have received about a benefit for an animal shelter. It's a clever idea for a worthwhile cause. There's no telling how many imitators you have unleashed.

DEAR READERS: Today is the birthday of Martin Luther King Jr., whose words of wisdom ring as true today as when he uttered them during his acceptance speech for the Nobel Peace Prize in 1964:

"Nonviolence is the answer to the crucial political and moral questions of our time: the need for man to overcome oppression and violence without resorting to oppression and violence.

"Man must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love."

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)