DEAR ABBY: I am a working mother who just had a baby last June. Fortunately, everything is going great. She is healthy and happy, my husband and I are doing well, and the proud grandparents baby-sit for our newborn.

I have gotten right back into shape. I swim 40 laps every day, eat very healthfully and happily fit into a size 4 again. (Actually, the pants I'm wearing right now are a size 2!)

My problem is this: Since my job is laid-back and does not require a dress code -- Web development, sitting behind a PC all day -- I seem to dress very poorly each day. Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and say, "For someone who takes such good care of her body, eats so well and stays in shape -- you look like a slob!"

Please, Abby, help me devote more time to myself. Although going to the gym during lunch is a priority and eating healthfully goes without saying, I let my hair look like a complete mess, my clothes never match, I wear old sneakers every day, and my shirts are wrinkled and three sizes too big. What can I do to look neater and actually make it a priority every day? -- "L" IN MIDDLE VILLAGE, N.Y.

DEAR "L": Everyone should have your problems! An effective way to make sure you look sharp at work each day would be to coordinate your outfit the night before so you'll have it ready to wear the next morning.

Talk to a hairstylist about creating a style you can manage in 10 minutes with a minimum of bother, and then determine how much (or little) makeup you need to look civilized. Many young women apply only mascara, a little rouge and lipstick, and look terrific.

Taking a few extra minutes to fix yourself up before leaving the house will ensure that you start the day feeling good about yourself. It's been my experience that every time I failed to do it, thinking I probably wouldn't meet anyone who knew me, I inevitably ran into someone I knew -- and was ashamed of myself because I didn't look my best. 'Nuff said?

DEAR ABBY: I am a family law specialist and feel compelled to add my 2 cents' worth regarding the action to be taken by "In Shock and Heartbroken," the dumped and virtually penniless wife of the surgeon. You said she should find an attorney on a contingency basis.

Although in some states attorneys may be able to accept family law cases on a contingency-fee basis, such an agreement in a dissolution action in California is generally thought to be "void against public policy" because, in the event of a reconciliation of the divorcing parties, such an agreement places a lawyer's financial interest in conflict with the client's interest.

However, "In Shock" should have no trouble obtaining counsel for little or no advance fee in California -- given that her husband is a surgeon (and presumably earns substantial amounts of money) -- because California Family Code 2030 provides that a court may make an award of attorney fees and costs to any party in an amount as may be reasonably necessary for attorneys' fees and the amount of maintaining or defending the proceedings. The purpose of this statute is to ensure equal access to legal representation to preserve litigants' rights. -- GEORGIA ANN MICHELL-LANGSAM, ATTORNEY- AT-LAW, ALAMO, CALIF.

DEAR GEORGIA ANN: I have heard from attorneys in at least six states saying exactly the same thing. Thank you for explaining that although "In Shock" may not be able to have an attorney take the case on a contingency basis, her ability to defend herself is still protected under the law.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Please help. I fell in love with a married man. He claimed he loved me. My husband caught us. He hates me now and has filed for divorce. My lover called it quits and ran back to his wife.

Can I sue my lover for breach of promise because he PROMISED to get a divorce and marry me? -- DESTROYED IN THE U.S.A.

DEAR DESTROYED: I recommend against initiating such a lawsuit. Instead, count your blessings that you haven't been sued for alienation of affection.

DEAR ABBY: I read your column often and have recently been especially interested in your letters concerning manners. I am a 22-year-old, old-fashioned man in Dallas. I enjoy opening doors, pulling out chairs, offering a hand in and out of cars, and all the other small but significant signs of respect.

My problem is, it's difficult to find women my age who are receptive to what I consider common courtesy. I can't tell you how many times I've been snapped at with, "I can open my own doors!" or, "I can get out of the car by myself!" My all-time favorite occurred recently in a nice restaurant as I stood up when my dinner partner would leave the table. With a bewildered and condescending look, she said, "Do you have to stand up EVERY time I do?"

It seems as though, in my generation at least, being considerate and showing respect for a woman is considered a sign of disrespect. I have read with interest how many of your readers appreciate well-mannered men; unfortunately, and I mean no disrespect to your readers, I haven't seen a single letter from someone close to my age.

I am beginning to believe that it's better to be rude and inconsiderate on dates. However, I have no intention of changing my ways. My standards are set and anything less would be embarrassing for me. Are there any young women who appreciate "old-fashioned" manners? -- DISILLUSIONED IN DALLAS

DEAR DISILLUSIONED: Any young woman who believes that someone who displays consideration and respect is disrespectful needs her priorities reorganized. Good manners are an instant tip-off that a young man is disciplined, thoughtful and well brought up in other areas of his life. Lack of good manners usually indicates a lack of education in that area, or complete self-centeredness.

Not all young women believe as the ones you have encountered do. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: As a feminist graduate engineer, I'd like to give a logical reason why women should appreciate having doors opened for them.

The amount of energy it takes to open a door is a smaller percentage of a man's available energy than it is of a woman's. Multiply this difference by the number of doors opened during the day, and the average woman will see that it's better to accept the courtesy and smile -- which also uses less energy than does a frown! -- FAITH LEE, HENDERSON, NEV.

DEAR FAITH: I hope your argument will prove persuasive. It's a basic law of physics.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: My New Year's column has become an annual tradition. These New Year's resolutions are based on the original credo of Al-Anon. I am using its theme with some variations of my own.

Just for today, I will live through this day only, and not set far-reaching goals to try to overcome all my problems at once. I know I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I thought I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

Just for today, I will be happy. Abraham Lincoln said, "Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." He was right. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. I will chase them out of my mind and replace them with happy thoughts.

Just for today, I will adjust myself to what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things that I can correct and accept those I cannot.

Just for today, I will improve my mind. I will not be a mental loafer. I will force myself to read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

Just for today, I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I'll make an honest effort to quit. If I'm overweight, I'll eat nothing I know to be fattening. And I will force myself to exercise -- even if it's only walking around the block or using the stairs instead of the elevator.

Just for today, I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will look as good as I can, dress becomingly, speak softly, act courteously, and not interrupt when someone else is talking. Just for today, I'll try not to improve anybody except myself.

We know so much more about nutrition and how much exercise and sensible living can extend life and make it more enjoyable; so just for today, I'll take good care of my body so I can celebrate many more happy new years.

Just for today, I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it, thereby saving myself from two pests: hurry and indecision.

Just for today, I will gather the courage to do what is right and take the responsibility for my own actions.

To one and all: A happy, healthy New Year! -- LOVE, ABBY

P.S. God bless our men and women in uniform in every corner of the world where our flag is flying. And let us not forget those patriotic Americans who are serving their country in the Peace Corps, as well as those who have served and are now in veterans hospitals and nursing homes.

And as we begin this bright, shiny new year, consider these "Thoughts for the Day" by Sri Sathya Sai Baba:

"If there is righteousness in the heart, there will be beauty in the character.

"If there be beauty in the character, there will be harmony in the home.

"If there is harmony in the home, there will be order in the nation.

"When there is order in the nation, there will be peace in the world."

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)