DEAR ABBY: Please help. I fell in love with a married man. He claimed he loved me. My husband caught us. He hates me now and has filed for divorce. My lover called it quits and ran back to his wife.

Can I sue my lover for breach of promise because he PROMISED to get a divorce and marry me? -- DESTROYED IN THE U.S.A.

DEAR DESTROYED: I recommend against initiating such a lawsuit. Instead, count your blessings that you haven't been sued for alienation of affection.

DEAR ABBY: I read your column often and have recently been especially interested in your letters concerning manners. I am a 22-year-old, old-fashioned man in Dallas. I enjoy opening doors, pulling out chairs, offering a hand in and out of cars, and all the other small but significant signs of respect.

My problem is, it's difficult to find women my age who are receptive to what I consider common courtesy. I can't tell you how many times I've been snapped at with, "I can open my own doors!" or, "I can get out of the car by myself!" My all-time favorite occurred recently in a nice restaurant as I stood up when my dinner partner would leave the table. With a bewildered and condescending look, she said, "Do you have to stand up EVERY time I do?"

It seems as though, in my generation at least, being considerate and showing respect for a woman is considered a sign of disrespect. I have read with interest how many of your readers appreciate well-mannered men; unfortunately, and I mean no disrespect to your readers, I haven't seen a single letter from someone close to my age.

I am beginning to believe that it's better to be rude and inconsiderate on dates. However, I have no intention of changing my ways. My standards are set and anything less would be embarrassing for me. Are there any young women who appreciate "old-fashioned" manners? -- DISILLUSIONED IN DALLAS

DEAR DISILLUSIONED: Any young woman who believes that someone who displays consideration and respect is disrespectful needs her priorities reorganized. Good manners are an instant tip-off that a young man is disciplined, thoughtful and well brought up in other areas of his life. Lack of good manners usually indicates a lack of education in that area, or complete self-centeredness.

Not all young women believe as the ones you have encountered do. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: As a feminist graduate engineer, I'd like to give a logical reason why women should appreciate having doors opened for them.

The amount of energy it takes to open a door is a smaller percentage of a man's available energy than it is of a woman's. Multiply this difference by the number of doors opened during the day, and the average woman will see that it's better to accept the courtesy and smile -- which also uses less energy than does a frown! -- FAITH LEE, HENDERSON, NEV.

DEAR FAITH: I hope your argument will prove persuasive. It's a basic law of physics.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: My New Year's column has become an annual tradition. These New Year's resolutions are based on the original credo of Al-Anon. I am using its theme with some variations of my own.

Just for today, I will live through this day only, and not set far-reaching goals to try to overcome all my problems at once. I know I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I thought I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

Just for today, I will be happy. Abraham Lincoln said, "Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." He was right. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. I will chase them out of my mind and replace them with happy thoughts.

Just for today, I will adjust myself to what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things that I can correct and accept those I cannot.

Just for today, I will improve my mind. I will not be a mental loafer. I will force myself to read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

Just for today, I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I'll make an honest effort to quit. If I'm overweight, I'll eat nothing I know to be fattening. And I will force myself to exercise -- even if it's only walking around the block or using the stairs instead of the elevator.

Just for today, I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will look as good as I can, dress becomingly, speak softly, act courteously, and not interrupt when someone else is talking. Just for today, I'll try not to improve anybody except myself.

We know so much more about nutrition and how much exercise and sensible living can extend life and make it more enjoyable; so just for today, I'll take good care of my body so I can celebrate many more happy new years.

Just for today, I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it, thereby saving myself from two pests: hurry and indecision.

Just for today, I will gather the courage to do what is right and take the responsibility for my own actions.

To one and all: A happy, healthy New Year! -- LOVE, ABBY

P.S. God bless our men and women in uniform in every corner of the world where our flag is flying. And let us not forget those patriotic Americans who are serving their country in the Peace Corps, as well as those who have served and are now in veterans hospitals and nursing homes.

And as we begin this bright, shiny new year, consider these "Thoughts for the Day" by Sri Sathya Sai Baba:

"If there is righteousness in the heart, there will be beauty in the character.

"If there be beauty in the character, there will be harmony in the home.

"If there is harmony in the home, there will be order in the nation.

"When there is order in the nation, there will be peace in the world."

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My good friend experienced a tragedy last night. Her ex-husband had their two little boys with him for a weekend visit. He got drunk, took them for a ride and got into a wreck.

The boys are 5 and 7, and the most precious, sweet and funny children. Now the youngest is paralyzed from the waist down, and there's a chance neither will make it.

It breaks my heart to see two such sweet little boys hooked up to machines, and not know if they'll be here for Santa to visit or not. We are praying for them.

Please, Abby, remind your readers that if they drive, they shouldn't drink -- and if they drink, to hand their keys to a sober friend or take a cab. -- DEVASTATED IN TRUSSVILLE, ALA.

DEAR DEVASTATED: Your letter is a chilling reminder of the innocent lives that can be snuffed out or irreversibly changed because of people driving under the influence. During this last holiday season of the century, let's all resolve to act maturely and responsibly while celebrating -- and maybe we'll all be here to welcome the year 2000.

DEAR ABBY: My husband dislikes my family and friends. He never wants to be around them for social gatherings -- and when he does go, he acts as if he's suffering. His attitude is starting to affect the relationship between our children and my parents. It's as if he doesn't want our kids to spend any time with them.

If I say something about his family or friends, he goes ballistic. If I don't want to be around them, I'm "stupid" and "anti-social." His family talks badly about me and treats me like dirt. When I say anything to my husband about it, he says I'm too sensitive or that I'm overreacting.

Abby, I'm tired of suffering, and my children deserve to spend as much time with my family as they do with his. Please help! -- FED UP IN PIEDMONT, S.C.

DEAR FED UP: Under normal circumstances, spouses are willing to extend themselves in the interest of family unity -- even if it means sometimes socializing with relatives they don't particularly enjoy. Had you given any indication why your husband dislikes your parents and friends, and why his family dislikes you, your question would have been easier to answer.

Name-calling and isolating someone from family and friends are considered abusive behaviors. If you and your husband cannot reach an agreement about this, enlist the assistance of a clergyperson or professional counselor.

DEAR ABBY: We get an awful lot of catalogs that we never requested. I don't know how we got on so many mailing lists. Is there a way to call or write someone to stop getting so many catalogs? -- ALAN W. IN TUCSON, ARIZ.

DEAR ALAN: There certainly is. To have your name deleted from these lists, write to: Mail Preference Service, Direct Marketing Association, P.O. Box 9008, Farmingdale, N.Y. 11735. The lists are purged only once every quarter, so it may take some time to notice a change in the volume of unsolicited mail you're receiving.

P.S. There is no charge for this service.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: HAPPY NEW YEAR! Many of you will participate in special celebrations as we enter the year 2000. While enjoying the festivities, please remember the first letter in my column today. The writer's plea -- one which I have been making for years -- bears repeating! If you drink, don't drive; if you drive, don't drink!

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)