DEAR ABBY: This letter is for "Manny in Las Vegas," who wanted to buy a computer for his grandson but his wife argued against it. She felt he wouldn't need one until he was ready for college. She couldn't be more wrong.

I am the mother of three children, two of them in high school. Students today use computers to write papers, just like we used typewriters when we were in school. My two high schoolers use our computer two or three nights a week to complete their homework assignments. In fact, their high school requires that the students complete a keyboarding course as a requirement for graduation.

Computers are part of our children's future. The younger they learn how to use them, the easier it will be for them. -- SUSAN IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR SUSAN: I agree that young children are "wired" to learn more easily than adults. They are also less likely to be technophobic. (Ask anyone who has had to ask his or her children how to program the VCR!) Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am 12 years old. When I was 10, my parents bought the family a computer. I have loved every minute of it. I have my own Web page, but I also have time for school, family and friends. If Manny's wife thinks the computer is a bad idea for their grandson, she should look at me! -- MELISSA IN PHOENIX

DEAR MELISSA: You're right, and you're also an articulate young lady. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I read with interest the letter from the grandfather who wanted to buy his grandson a computer. I had the same idea, but I held off buying a computer until my son entered -- kindergarten!

When he was in first grade and needed reading assistance, I bought reading-oriented programs that he looked forward to using, then math, then science and also spelling. He was able to play educational games on the computer because we held out until last year to buy him video games (although all of his friends had a set). My son is in the third grade now, and our computer is, of course, outdated, but I am very happy with our decision.

It was not necessary for him to have a home computer, because his school has a computer class, and even at 6, my son would help his dad negotiate our computer. I hear from friends with older children that they do quite a bit of their homework assignments or research on their home computers.

In my opinion, computers would be an enhancement for a child of any age, and the grandfather should purchase one for his grandson. -- AMBER IN OVILLA, TEXAS

DEAR AMBER: I have a stack of letters on my desk from people of all ages who agree with you. Computer literacy has become a necessary survival skill -- although like any other technology, children's use of it should be supervised by the parents.

DEAR READERS: If I could give young people only one piece of advice, it would be: read, read, read!

In reading, you will open up new worlds, real and imagined. Read for information, read for pleasure. Our libraries are filled with knowledge and joy, and it's all there -- free for the taking.

The person who does not read is no better off than the person who CANNOT read.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a widow and the mother of 10 children. I live in an older house that occasionally needs repairs. My children refuse to do work around my house and suggest I sell it or hire a handyman. Handymen are not easy to find for small jobs, and I like where I live and do not want to move.

I was very good to my own mother and did her every bidding. My children say children don't do that anymore. All I ask is that each one give me one or two days a year. They are good to me in many other ways, but as long as I'm on a roll, I wish they'd ask me out to dinner more often.

Do children have any responsibility toward older parents? I promise to abide by your reply. If I am wrong, I'll never mention it again. -- "SIS" THE NAG, HICKORY HILLS, ILL.

DEAR "SIS": Of course children have a responsibility toward their parents. However, what that means may differ from family to family, and should be mutually agreed upon by everyone concerned. It appears that your children are living busy, complicated lives. If they won't listen to you, Sis, they're not likely to listen to me either. That means you may have to solve this problem without their help.

You would be wise to listen more closely to what your children are trying to say to you. Since you are unable to keep your house in good repair by yourself, perhaps it IS time to sell it and move to a condominium or an assisted-living facility for active seniors. It would solve BOTH of your problems because a staff maintains the premises, and there is also a pool of people with whom to socialize without having to depend on your children. Please don't nix it until you have thoroughly checked out what is available in your area.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 32-year-old mother of two, and yes, I am married. This is my second marriage, and we've been together for seven long years. My husband is a drunk. He does work two jobs, but when he's home on the weekends, he stays drunk.

At first, I didn't mind being the adult. (I thought it was my job.) But it has gotten really old, and I'm tired of it.

I know that if I leave, my husband will make it hard on me, and he'll tell the kids more than they should know. They are 11 and 5. The kids have seen and been through enough already. How can I leave if he's going to put the children through this? I'm not sure how this should be handled. -- STUCK IN THE SUNSHINE STATE

DEAR STUCK: Your husband appears to be what is called a "functional alcoholic." Before you do anything else, attend some meetings of Al-Anon. Al-Anon, an offshoot of Alcoholics Anonymous, assists spouses and families of alcoholics and is listed in the telephone book -- or you can call directory assistance for the number. There you will find people like yourself who may be able to help you change the way you react to your husband's problem. It could save your marriage.

If the marriage is really over, before you leave, explain to your children what is coming and the fact that their father is going to be angry about it and will say things that are untrue and that he doesn't really mean. Reinforce that message as necessary.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am an 18-year-old who has lived with a gay man ever since I was 6. I'll call him Harold. My mother got tangled up with drugs and practically abandoned me and my brother (who's now 22).

Abby, for the last 12 years of our lives we never saw Harold do anything but work hard and come home to us. If he has a companion, we've never seen him. My brother is married and has moved out with his wife and new son. I'm still living at home and am in my freshman year of college -- which Harold is paying for.

There's only one problem. Some of my friends from college come to my house to study. They have seen Harold and they ask questions about him. He has never been the flamboyant type or the proud, outgoing kind -- so I tell them he is not gay, even though I know he is.

Harold has never touched me or my brother in any kind of sexual manner. Abby, he has been my mother, father, aunt, uncle, counselor and, most of all, my best friend. I love him as though he were a blood relation and so does my brother. Should I keep lying to my friends about him when they ask questions, or should I move to protect my reputation? They think I should transfer to another college so people won't know about him raising me. I love him, and the last thing I want to do is hurt him. Please help. -- TORN AND CONFUSED BY LOVE AND FRIENDS

DEAR TORN: Harold's sexual preferences are personal, and none of your curious "friends'" business. Since you say he is not "out," I see no reason for you to reveal anything for him. Tell your friends exactly what you told me -- that he is your mother, father, aunt, uncle, counselor and -- most of all -- your best friend. Alternatively, you could call him a confirmed bachelor. (It's certainly the truth!)

Anyone who would imply that you should be ashamed of the way you were raised is speaking out of ignorance, is not your friend, and is not worthy of your time. You have a rare and beautiful relationship. Don't sacrifice it out of fear of what others might say. If you're happy living at home and attending college, you should remain there.

DEAR ABBY: "Ed in Long Island" sent you a list of reasons why gay people need to talk about being gay.

I would like to add some thoughts because people need to talk about problems if we are ever going to put an end to discrimination.

1. Women had to talk about their right to vote before it became a reality.

2. Black people had to talk about discrimination against them before they secured civil rights.

3. Workers had to talk about their problems before they secured decent pay and other benefits.

4. Jewish people had to keep talking about the terrible crimes of the Holocaust to make sure it never happens again (and don't forget, gay people were killed along with the Jews in the Holocaust).

I'm sure others can think of other examples of the need to talk to put a check on discrimination, prejudice, bigotry and hate. -- DORTHA HARNED, TERRE HAUTE, IND.

DEAR DORTHA: Indeed they can -- and I hope they do. Unless people talk about discrimination, there is a tendency to sweep it under the carpet and ignore its presence.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)