DEAR ABBY: I was stationed at Al Karj Air Base in Saudi Arabia during the holiday season last year. I would like to say thank you to you and all your readers who participated in Operation Dear Abby and sent mail to service members overseas.

We don't always get the chance to answer all of the cards and letters, but they are dear to us. We are grateful to everyone, from the third-grader who prints better than I do, to the 9-year-old whose brother beats up on him (he wins sometimes, though), to the veterans who remember what it was like to be far from loved ones during the holidays.

Abby, please print the military addresses again this year. Our military personnel need those morale-boosters. -- ROGER SURRATT, WHEATLAND, CALIF.

DEAR ROGER: I'm delighted to oblige, and thank you for providing me this opportunity to announce to readers that it's time to launch Operation Dear Abby XV.

My thanks to each and every one of you who has worked to make Operation Dear Abby so successful every year. Your outpouring of cards and letters lifts the spirits of our servicemen and women who are far from home and family, to remind them they are in our hearts.

Many schools and clubs make this a group project, and in years past have sent cookies and packages to the troops. This year, however, in order to ensure that the mail is received within the required time frame and that it falls within the Department of Defense security guidelines, mail will be limited to ONLY first-class letters and cards, 13 ounces or less.

Operation Dear Abby has been assigned four addresses for use during the 1999 holiday season. Specific units and countries are not being targeted, only major U.S. military Aerial Mail Terminals and Fleet Mail Centers overseas. Once mail is received, these mail hubs will distribute it on a fair-share basis to all branches of the armed forces. This means a letter addressed to a "soldier" may be distributed to an airman, sailor or Marine, allowing for wider distribution. This should also prevent the transportation system or specific units from being inundated.

To send mail to a specific area, address it to the closest geographic hub.

FOR EUROPE AND SOUTHWEST ASIA:

Any Service Member

OPERATION DEAR ABBY

APO AE 09135

FOR THE MEDITERRANEAN BASIN:

Any Service Member

OPERATION DEAR ABBY

FPO AE 09646

FOR THE FAR EAST:

Any Service Member

OPERATION DEAR ABBY

APO AP 96285

FOR THE PACIFIC BASIN:

Any Service Member

OPERATION DEAR ABBY

FPO AP 96385

The U.S. Postal Service will begin accepting this mail on Nov. 15, 1999. After Jan. 15, 2000, mail will no longer be accepted for these addresses.

P.S. Readers, if you have difficulty at your local post office, ask the clerk to check recent postal bulletins. OPERATION DEAR ABBY addresses are not always entered into postal computers, and clerks may not be aware that they are valid.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm being married soon, and as a bride-to-be, I have been very laid-back and agreeable to all of the arrangements my mother has made. At first, I asked if we could have just a small, informal barbecue. She said no -- so now we're having an all-out affair. My sister will be my maid of honor. I'm letting her wear whatever she wants. Even though my colors are blue, she is wearing a plum-colored dress. As long as she's happy, fine.

I have argued with my mother about only one thing: I have a beautiful, simple wedding dress. I want to wear a pair of sneakers with lace shoestrings because I will be on my feet all day. I don't want to wear heels because those shoes are not made for comfort. I think the sneakers with the lace "accents" will be very cute and nice.

Although this is really the only thing I am asking for myself, my mother is acting like I'll shame the family. (I am not doing the "garter" thing, so no one will even see the shoes.) I did agree with my mother that I'd wear proper wedding shoes for the ceremony and formal reception, but that wasn't good enough. I do not want to wear those ceremony shoes from 2:30 p.m. until 12:30 a.m.

Abby, my mother will not compromise. Why shouldn't I be comfortable at my own wedding? She's acting like I'm committing some horrible sin, and threatening I'll forever be the laughingstock of New Jersey. All I want is to be comfortable at my own wedding. Please help me put this into perspective. -- WISHING FOR COMFORTABLE SHOES, PARSIPPANY, N.J.

DEAR WISHING: Please tell your mother I suggest that she loosen up a little. Since you're wearing a long dress, and will be wearing traditional "wedding slippers" during the ceremony, your mother should be willing to compromise and allow you to wear your sneakers at the reception. Many brides simply kick off their high-heeled pumps and go through their receptions in stocking feet. Your idea has merit.

DEAR ABBY: I have just returned from my mother's funeral in another state. Not only did I have to go through the trauma of my mother dying in my arms, and then the funeral, but also a terrible battle with my brother and his wife about the "things" Mother left behind.

My sister-in-law made all the decisions about who would get what. Every time I tried to say that my mother told me during many telephone conversations what she wanted me to have, I was told, "You don't know what you're talking about!" There was an old will that did not specify to whom her possessions should go.

Abby, it was a horrible experience. I will never forget or forgive. I not only lost my beautiful mother, but a brother as well.

Please, advise older people to update their wills and make clear what is to be divided among the children or grandchildren. My brother disobeyed my mother's last wishes, and he must live with that knowledge for the rest of his life. -- DIANE D., FORT PIERCE, FLA.

DEAR DIANE: This is a topic that has appeared in my column regularly. I hope it serves as a reminder to those who need it.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: "Still Dating," the woman and her husband who have incorporated good manners into their marriage, have my support. I encourage them to continue, regardless of what their daughters think.

My wife and I have been married almost 42 years. We still hold hands in public and exchange brief smooches. I open doors for her -- both to buildings and cars -- and I also help her out of the car. I do little things "just because," like bringing her flowers or small pieces of costume jewelry. It gives me great pleasure.

Let their children learn by observation a good lesson in chivalry, gallantry, and just plain good manners. They'll see, in about 10 years, how fortunate they are to have such loving, devoted parents. -- TWO-IN-LOVE IN ILLINOIS

DEAR TWO-IN-LOVE: You're right. And I hope those young women find spouses as caring as you are. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: This is my first letter to you, but I had to write after reading the letter from "Still Dating." Let's hope her daughters eventually learn to accept and value the old-fashioned courtesies. The parents are setting an excellent example for them.

As a 61-year-old widow, I can't begin to tell you how much I miss those "old-fashioned" courtesies from my husband, Richard. For most of a long, debilitating illness, he continued to do those little things for me. And when he grew too ill to do them, I turned the tables and opened doors for him and assisted him up the stairs or from the car.

Nearly five years ago, my darling went to a better place. He's free of pain.

Occasionally I have had the pleasure of having a gentleman hold a door for me. I always accept the courtesy and smile and thank him. Thank heavens some members of the younger generation have learned to value manners and courtesy to and from others. -- STILL MISSING HIM, TARPON SPRINGS, FLA.

DEAR STILL MISSING HIM: I offer my sympathy for the loss of your loving mate. It's clear that yours was a very caring union. Although chivalry may no longer be universally practiced, it isn't dead yet. And it should be nurtured wherever it appears. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: So many women today say, "I can open my own doors. I don't need a man." Well, let me tell you something: When a man opens a door, holds a chair or a coat, he's telling you he feels you are a woman worth the effort. The least you can do is to smile and say "Thank you."

I am 88 years old and enjoy every courtesy a man pays me. Some time ago, I entered an elevator, and a gentleman took off his hat and asked if I wanted the main floor. I said, "Yes, thank you." When we left the elevator and approached the heavy front door, he hurried to hold it for me. I thanked him again, and then I heard him say, "Well! It's been a long time since a woman thanked me." I said, "How kind of you. These doors are so heavy." He smiled from ear to ear. He felt good and so did I.

One day at the mall, a boy about 7 was opening a large, heavy door as a woman got there. As he held it, she sailed right through without even looking at him. When he held it for me, I said, "Thank you so much. These doors are heavy." His face lit up and he said, "Yes." I added, "Oh, you are the dear man today." He stretched up about 3 inches with his chest out. Even little guys like to be thanked.

A woman who learns to be gracious will be surprised at the perks. -- HELEN IN SACRAMENTO

DEAR HELEN: You said a mouthful, Sister!

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets I and II, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)