DEAR ABBY: "Still Dating," the woman and her husband who have incorporated good manners into their marriage, have my support. I encourage them to continue, regardless of what their daughters think.

My wife and I have been married almost 42 years. We still hold hands in public and exchange brief smooches. I open doors for her -- both to buildings and cars -- and I also help her out of the car. I do little things "just because," like bringing her flowers or small pieces of costume jewelry. It gives me great pleasure.

Let their children learn by observation a good lesson in chivalry, gallantry, and just plain good manners. They'll see, in about 10 years, how fortunate they are to have such loving, devoted parents. -- TWO-IN-LOVE IN ILLINOIS

DEAR TWO-IN-LOVE: You're right. And I hope those young women find spouses as caring as you are. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: This is my first letter to you, but I had to write after reading the letter from "Still Dating." Let's hope her daughters eventually learn to accept and value the old-fashioned courtesies. The parents are setting an excellent example for them.

As a 61-year-old widow, I can't begin to tell you how much I miss those "old-fashioned" courtesies from my husband, Richard. For most of a long, debilitating illness, he continued to do those little things for me. And when he grew too ill to do them, I turned the tables and opened doors for him and assisted him up the stairs or from the car.

Nearly five years ago, my darling went to a better place. He's free of pain.

Occasionally I have had the pleasure of having a gentleman hold a door for me. I always accept the courtesy and smile and thank him. Thank heavens some members of the younger generation have learned to value manners and courtesy to and from others. -- STILL MISSING HIM, TARPON SPRINGS, FLA.

DEAR STILL MISSING HIM: I offer my sympathy for the loss of your loving mate. It's clear that yours was a very caring union. Although chivalry may no longer be universally practiced, it isn't dead yet. And it should be nurtured wherever it appears. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: So many women today say, "I can open my own doors. I don't need a man." Well, let me tell you something: When a man opens a door, holds a chair or a coat, he's telling you he feels you are a woman worth the effort. The least you can do is to smile and say "Thank you."

I am 88 years old and enjoy every courtesy a man pays me. Some time ago, I entered an elevator, and a gentleman took off his hat and asked if I wanted the main floor. I said, "Yes, thank you." When we left the elevator and approached the heavy front door, he hurried to hold it for me. I thanked him again, and then I heard him say, "Well! It's been a long time since a woman thanked me." I said, "How kind of you. These doors are so heavy." He smiled from ear to ear. He felt good and so did I.

One day at the mall, a boy about 7 was opening a large, heavy door as a woman got there. As he held it, she sailed right through without even looking at him. When he held it for me, I said, "Thank you so much. These doors are heavy." His face lit up and he said, "Yes." I added, "Oh, you are the dear man today." He stretched up about 3 inches with his chest out. Even little guys like to be thanked.

A woman who learns to be gracious will be surprised at the perks. -- HELEN IN SACRAMENTO

DEAR HELEN: You said a mouthful, Sister!

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets I and II, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 12 years has just informed me that he has invited his former girlfriend to our home for an upcoming weekend. He wants her to see our home and city. He says he just wants to talk with an old friend with whom he has a lot in common and has not seen for 15 years.

Abby, over the last two years, he has talked with this woman about once a month or so. It never occurred to me to be jealous or concerned because I trusted him and he's never given me any reason not to. He would tell me about their conversations if I wasn't in when she called. It was never an issue for me until he invited her to spend the weekend without consulting me.

When I told him I would feel uncomfortable having "Rene" stay with us, especially since she's not a mutual friend of ours, he accused me of being insecure, became extremely angry and was silent for several days. He also told me that if I don't agree to it, then he will see her in secret.

I was shocked and assumed he spoke out of anger. Now I'm not so sure. Have you any thoughts on this? -- ERODED TRUST IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ERODED TRUST: Many. If the situation were reversed and you informed your husband that an old boyfriend he had never met was coming to spend a weekend in your home, I'm sure he would have been shocked and angered that you had acted without first consulting him.

Ordinarly, I wouldn't advise giving in to blackmail. However, since he's threatening to "see her in secret" if you don't agree to accommodate her, put on your most charming face and play hostess of the year. And if you or any of your friends know an attractive, unattached bachelor, invite him over for a lovely family dinner.

DEAR ABBY: My parents did not need more "stuff" to mark their 50th anniversary. So we, their eight children, decided to include the following on the party invitation:

"In lieu of gifts, donations to Our Daily Bread, a non-discriminatory soup kitchen, will be accepted at the door. All donations will be forwarded to Our Daily Bread in the names of Bob and Mary Lou."

Abby, the 60 or so guests responded with donations amounting to more than $1,500. Our parents were overwhelmed, as was the director of the soup kitchen, at the generosity of their friends and family. -- BOB AND MARY LOU FOLZENLOGEN'S CHILDREN, CINCINNATI

DEAR 'CHILDREN': My congratulations to your parents. They have a great deal of which to be proud, and the values of their children are only the beginning. Your idea is terrific.

DEAR ABBY: This may seem like a strange question, but I was trying to find out because this is kind of important. You see, I had my nipples pierced, and I am pregnant.

I was wondering if I took the rings out and they healed, would I be able to breast-feed? -- CRYSTAL IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR CRYSTAL: I see no reason why you should not be able to. I checked with the La Leche League, and their representative told me there are no known cases where piercing the nipple interfered with nursing a baby.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Since you didn't give marching orders to "In Shock and Heartbroken," whose surgeon-husband suddenly cleaned out the house and had his lawyer offer her $20,000 in exchange for custody of their children, may I offer some advice?

"In Shock," you deserve more than that jerk showed you. What kind of example is he setting for his children? More important, what kind of example will YOU set for them? I urge you to find the most aggressive, pit-bull lawyer in your area and tell him how you were cheated out of your marriage, belongings, means of support and children.

Many divorce lawyers will work for a percentage of the settlement rather than an up-front fee, especially in a case like yours. Your lawyer will file a motion to freeze hubby's accounts and hire a "forensic accountant" to track down what your husband must surely be hiding from you -- and possibly the IRS as well. This was obviously planned for a long time, and it will take professionals to unravel the deception.

Hold him responsible. Stay and fight the good fight, and you'll never have to look back and say, "I wish I had," while your children grow up to be as selfish and manipulative as he is. I wish you love, luck, peace and victory in court! -- STEAMING IN BOSTON

DEAR STEAMING: In fairness to me, the woman did not ask what steps she should take to proceed. She asked only if I thought she was right to stay and fight for her children.

An attorney who will take the matter on a contingency basis should be easy enough to find. Once she whispers the magic words, "surgeon" and "prominent family," the lawyer will know there is plenty of money and publicity to be had. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I read the letter about the surgeon who left his wife penniless and offered her $20,000 for custody of their children. I'm a family law attorney. You stated, "You have my respect for deciding to fight for your children against such odds, and I hope you prevail." While this is a sympathetic statement, I do not believe the woman is against such odds.

Depending on what state they live in and how long they've been married, she's probably entitled to at least one-half the community assets plus maintenance/alimony and child support, based on the parties' incomes. I would advise her to go to an attorney and file for temporary orders. Depending on the circumstances, the surgeon will be the one paying the attorney fees, plus maintenance and child support, until the court makes a final disposition of the property and a ruling on the parenting plan.

As he is a surgeon, I imagine he works long hours; and I imagine also that the wife has been the primary caretaker of the children. The odds are against him financially, and in her favor as the custodial or residential parent. -- JAN YVONNE RINKER, GIG HARBOR, WASH.

DEAR JAN: Since more people are ignorant about divorce law than are knowledgeable about it, I'm sure your letter will be an eye-opener for many.

Several readers asked me to tell "In Shock and Heartbroken" that they doubted her husband's sincerity in seeking custody of their children -- that he was either demanding them so he wouldn't have to pay child support, or using them as a bargaining chip. To quote "Dorothy in Maine":

"I wonder what he'd do if you said, 'Go ahead and take the kids.' His prospective new wife wouldn't be thrilled with that, I'll bet! Makes you want to spit, doesn't it? Hire a woman divorce lawyer ASAP. You'll prevail in the end."

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)