DEAR ABBY: I hope you can help me, although it's my husband who needs help. "John" is a wonderful husband and father. I love him dearly. When he was in high school, he was always picked on by the jocks. (We all know that story.) Well, John carried this on into his adult life and his business.

My husband has two partners. "Gene" is a "nerd" like John. The other one, "Don," is the "jock." The company is 10 years old. They made about $5 million last year. All three have equal shares of this company.

Don handles all of the accounting. He keeps his door locked at all times when he's not there, as he should because of all the checks, etc. But does he leave an extra key for Gene or John? No! He leaves it with the secretary, and she takes it home with her. Don gets very upset if John or Gene goes into his office without his permission.

The way Don has his accounting program set up, John and Gene cannot access any financial information on the company. They have to go through him first. I strongly suspect Don is embezzling.

They have never had an audit done. John and Gene wouldn't dare insist on one, because Don would get furious if they did. Don gets upset over the most minor things. Gene and my husband are afraid of Don. They've caught him in several lies. He treats everybody like dirt. They fight and argue on a daily basis. It's a terrible atmosphere. Yet they won't do anything about it.

Any suggestions? -- DEPRESSED IN TEXAS

DEAR DEPRESSED: The three partners should get together and agree to have an independent C.P.A. (selected by all three) set up their accounting system so that all three partners can understand what's happening financially, and the necessary security is preserved. If Don refuses to agree to it, then Gene and John should consult a lawyer.

DEAR ABBY: Today, 14 days short of his 56th birthday, we buried my beloved younger brother. He died by his own hand two days before his first scheduled appointment with a psychiatrist. He had been referred by the general practitioners who had been treating him for the past two months.

Bipolar or manic depressive disorder has ravaged my family for many generations. It is, indeed, an inherited genetic disorder. But there is a wonderful treatment for it -- in the form of lithium carbonate. I can attest to this. I am a diagnosed manic depressive and, thanks to lithium, I have led a normal, productive life for the past 12 years.

If only I had realized how ill my brother was, perhaps I could have gotten him to treatment in time. If only the GPs had realized this was beyond their expertise, perhaps they could have referred him to a psychiatrist earlier and this tragedy could have been averted. If only, if only.

Nothing will bring back my younger brother, but maybe our experience can help someone else. Thank you for letting me vent, Abby. -- GRIEVING BROTHER, TAYLORS, S.C.

DEAR GRIEVING: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the tragic loss of your beloved brother, but take heart in the thought that your letter may save the lives of countless others. People who know there is a history of bipolar disorder in the family should alert their doctors to it. Also, those who are experiencing mood swings should seek a referral to a psychiatrist who can help them restore the balance in their brain chemistry.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing concerning the letter from the woman who was hurt by the way her husband treated her 7-year-old son from a previous relationship. She said the boy's father had no part in her son's life. Let me share my story.

I was a child in a home with a stepfather, stepsisters and stepbrothers. My sisters and I could do nothing right; the other kids could do no wrong. I got pregnant at 19, and my boyfriend said he would marry me, but he "might just leave" in a year or two. I chose to go it alone. During my pregnancy, I lived at home and endured more verbal abuse from my stepfather.

When my daughter was born, I went to work, paid my hospital and doctor bills and moved out. I resolved never to marry so my beautiful little girl would never endure what I had endured. And then along came "Jack."

He took us to movies, took us to play miniature golf; he took us fishing, and he won our hearts. When I agreed to marry him, his next words were, "Let's see what it would take for me to adopt 'Michele.'" A year later, our other daughter was born. At no time in the past 28 years has anyone who did not know that Michele was not Jack's child by birth, ever guessed it. She is his -- in his heart and soul.

We all like to think we would risk our lives to save a stranger from a burning building or a car accident, but most of us will never get the chance. That woman's husband has the chance to be a hero to her young son. It will not happen in one day or in one event. It will take EVERY day for the rest of their lives. Her husband can be a mentor, a teacher, a friend and a daddy -- or he can be a jerk.

When the world talks about heroes, no one from my house needs to look beyond my husband. Will the woman who wrote to you be able to say the same thing? -- PROUD TO BE JACK'S WIFE

DEAR PROUD: You certainly picked a winner when you married Jack. I congratulate you both for having your priorities in order when it came to Michele. You're a lucky family to have each other.

Whether or not the woman who wrote the sad letter that prompted yours will be able to call her husband a "hero" remains to be seen. They had been married for six years before she asked for my advice. I told her to no longer tolerate the situation and to ask her physician for a referral to a family counselor who could not only help straighten out her husband's thinking -- but also help the son rebuild his damaged self-esteem. I hope she took my advice.

DEAR ABBY: Help! I am getting divorced. How do I tell everyone in the office? There are 18 women here and I get along with all of them.

Should I approach them individually? How can I keep it short and sweet? What if someone asks, "What happened?" It's none of their business, but we're a close office. Any suggestions would be appreciated. -- CLAIRE IN FAIRFIELD, N.J.

DEAR CLAIRE: Tell one or two of your co-workers. Believe me, the word will spread like wildfire. If anyone asks for details, just say that you do not want to discuss them because it's too painful. If they're your friends, they will respect your wishes.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets I and II, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 18 years old, married and seven months pregnant with our first child.

Recently, my husband and I got into a fight about my 3-year-old son. He was the result of a rape. I put him up for adoption, and I keep in contact with his parents through the agency.

The first Christmas after my son's birth, his parents sent me a locket and a picture to put in it. Since then, I have never taken this locket off, because it is the only thing I have with his picture that I can keep close to my heart.

My husband thinks I shouldn't wear the locket because he feels that when our daughter gets older, she may resent my wearing it. He also thinks I will be unable to love our child as much as I love my son. I fear that I may fail to be a good mother to our daughter because I couldn't be to my son.

I also worry about the future. How will my daughter react when she learns I gave her half-brother up for adoption three years before she was born?

Abby, how can I make my husband understand about the locket? Also, how can I overcome my fears? -- TOO YOUNG TO BE THIS OLD IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR TOO YOUNG: Your husband is being unreasonable. If I had to hazard a guess, I would say it's because the necklace is a constant reminder that he wasn't the first man in your life.

You are a sensitive and loving young woman, and I'm sure you will be a terrific mother. If your daughter questions you about why you had to give up her half-brother, tell her that when the child was born, you were too young to keep him and raise him properly -- so you saw to it that the baby would have two loving parents who could. No one can fault you for that. It was the courageous, selfless and right thing to do.

Rape crisis counseling may help you and your husband deal with this in a healthy way. I urge you both to make an appointment -- just pick up the phone and ask the operator for the rape hotline.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 17 and have just ended a relationship that lasted seven months. I was a virgin until this relationship. When we began dating, I told "Todd" I wanted to wait for sex until I trusted him and felt I loved him.

The time did come when I trusted him and felt I loved him, so I decided to sleep with him. That's when things started going downhill. A month later, he told me he was sick of me.

Abby, I feel so hurt and used. Now I'm starting to view sex negatively. I know I'm young and have years of relationships ahead of me, but now I wonder if all men are only after sex. If so, it wouldn't be worth it. -- YOUNG, HURT AND CONFUSED

DEAR YOUNG: Many young men -- and some older men -- are more interested in the challenge than in a lasting relationship. However, not all males are alike.

Don't give up on men because of one bad experience. Give yourself and the young men you date time to mature before making a decision to have sex again. Love takes time to grow and it also takes time to discern whether the commitment is likely to be long-lasting. Once you are certain about that, you can begin giving careful consideration to whether a sexual relationship is what you want.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)