DEAR ABBY: I'm writing concerning the letter from the woman who was hurt by the way her husband treated her 7-year-old son from a previous relationship. She said the boy's father had no part in her son's life. Let me share my story.

I was a child in a home with a stepfather, stepsisters and stepbrothers. My sisters and I could do nothing right; the other kids could do no wrong. I got pregnant at 19, and my boyfriend said he would marry me, but he "might just leave" in a year or two. I chose to go it alone. During my pregnancy, I lived at home and endured more verbal abuse from my stepfather.

When my daughter was born, I went to work, paid my hospital and doctor bills and moved out. I resolved never to marry so my beautiful little girl would never endure what I had endured. And then along came "Jack."

He took us to movies, took us to play miniature golf; he took us fishing, and he won our hearts. When I agreed to marry him, his next words were, "Let's see what it would take for me to adopt 'Michele.'" A year later, our other daughter was born. At no time in the past 28 years has anyone who did not know that Michele was not Jack's child by birth, ever guessed it. She is his -- in his heart and soul.

We all like to think we would risk our lives to save a stranger from a burning building or a car accident, but most of us will never get the chance. That woman's husband has the chance to be a hero to her young son. It will not happen in one day or in one event. It will take EVERY day for the rest of their lives. Her husband can be a mentor, a teacher, a friend and a daddy -- or he can be a jerk.

When the world talks about heroes, no one from my house needs to look beyond my husband. Will the woman who wrote to you be able to say the same thing? -- PROUD TO BE JACK'S WIFE

DEAR PROUD: You certainly picked a winner when you married Jack. I congratulate you both for having your priorities in order when it came to Michele. You're a lucky family to have each other.

Whether or not the woman who wrote the sad letter that prompted yours will be able to call her husband a "hero" remains to be seen. They had been married for six years before she asked for my advice. I told her to no longer tolerate the situation and to ask her physician for a referral to a family counselor who could not only help straighten out her husband's thinking -- but also help the son rebuild his damaged self-esteem. I hope she took my advice.

DEAR ABBY: Help! I am getting divorced. How do I tell everyone in the office? There are 18 women here and I get along with all of them.

Should I approach them individually? How can I keep it short and sweet? What if someone asks, "What happened?" It's none of their business, but we're a close office. Any suggestions would be appreciated. -- CLAIRE IN FAIRFIELD, N.J.

DEAR CLAIRE: Tell one or two of your co-workers. Believe me, the word will spread like wildfire. If anyone asks for details, just say that you do not want to discuss them because it's too painful. If they're your friends, they will respect your wishes.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets I and II, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 18 years old, married and seven months pregnant with our first child.

Recently, my husband and I got into a fight about my 3-year-old son. He was the result of a rape. I put him up for adoption, and I keep in contact with his parents through the agency.

The first Christmas after my son's birth, his parents sent me a locket and a picture to put in it. Since then, I have never taken this locket off, because it is the only thing I have with his picture that I can keep close to my heart.

My husband thinks I shouldn't wear the locket because he feels that when our daughter gets older, she may resent my wearing it. He also thinks I will be unable to love our child as much as I love my son. I fear that I may fail to be a good mother to our daughter because I couldn't be to my son.

I also worry about the future. How will my daughter react when she learns I gave her half-brother up for adoption three years before she was born?

Abby, how can I make my husband understand about the locket? Also, how can I overcome my fears? -- TOO YOUNG TO BE THIS OLD IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR TOO YOUNG: Your husband is being unreasonable. If I had to hazard a guess, I would say it's because the necklace is a constant reminder that he wasn't the first man in your life.

You are a sensitive and loving young woman, and I'm sure you will be a terrific mother. If your daughter questions you about why you had to give up her half-brother, tell her that when the child was born, you were too young to keep him and raise him properly -- so you saw to it that the baby would have two loving parents who could. No one can fault you for that. It was the courageous, selfless and right thing to do.

Rape crisis counseling may help you and your husband deal with this in a healthy way. I urge you both to make an appointment -- just pick up the phone and ask the operator for the rape hotline.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 17 and have just ended a relationship that lasted seven months. I was a virgin until this relationship. When we began dating, I told "Todd" I wanted to wait for sex until I trusted him and felt I loved him.

The time did come when I trusted him and felt I loved him, so I decided to sleep with him. That's when things started going downhill. A month later, he told me he was sick of me.

Abby, I feel so hurt and used. Now I'm starting to view sex negatively. I know I'm young and have years of relationships ahead of me, but now I wonder if all men are only after sex. If so, it wouldn't be worth it. -- YOUNG, HURT AND CONFUSED

DEAR YOUNG: Many young men -- and some older men -- are more interested in the challenge than in a lasting relationship. However, not all males are alike.

Don't give up on men because of one bad experience. Give yourself and the young men you date time to mature before making a decision to have sex again. Love takes time to grow and it also takes time to discern whether the commitment is likely to be long-lasting. Once you are certain about that, you can begin giving careful consideration to whether a sexual relationship is what you want.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Last October, a quarter of a million families took time out of their busy schedules to plan and practice how they would get out if their homes caught fire. They did this during The Great Escape, the unified North American fire drill held in communities large and small in conjunction with Fire Prevention Week.

Planning ahead can make the difference in surviving a fire. The National Fire Protection Association (NFPA) has been tracking the number of families participating in The Great Escape and the number of lives saved because of their participation. Today, 40 people are alive because they knew what to do when fire broke out. The few minutes these families spent on the Great Escape home fire drill saved their lives.

I wish every family who experienced a home fire was fortunate. Sadly, every year more than 4,000 people die in fires in the United States, and eight out of 10 die in the home -- the place most feel safest. Home fire deaths are overwhelmingly preventable. The keys to survival are early warning, and planning and practice for how to escape.

Abby, please remind your readers that a successful home fire escape plan must include working smoke detectors on every level of the home, knowing two ways out from each room, having a meeting place outside where the family will gather, and practicing the plan at least twice a year. Your readers can join in the fun on Wednesday, Oct. 6, when communities across the United States and Canada participate in The Great Escape unified fire drill. -- GEORGE D. MILLER, PRESIDENT, NATIONAL FIRE PROTECTION ASSOCIATION

DEAR MR. MILLER: This week is Fire Prevention Week, and I hope my readers will use this week as a reminder to plan and practice their home fire drills. It takes only a few minutes and it could save lives.

Readers, tomorrow is The Great Escape, a unified fire drill in which you should participate. Please make a commitment to find out about it today from notices in your newspaper or radio, or by calling your local fire department for information, and tomorrow take part in the drill. It may save your life or that of someone you love.

DEAR ABBY: Please help settle a family dispute. Recently my brother and his wife visited my family at our summer home in New York state. They presented us with a gift of wine upon their arrival. I selected a favorite bottle of wine from my own small collection and offered it to my guests.

The next afternoon my brother's family departed as scheduled. The following week, I was informed by another family member that my brother had been insulted by my "greed and inconsideration" for not opening his gift bottle and offering it around. Abby, what's the rule here? Was I a poor host? -- UNCORKED IN HUDSON, OHIO

DEAR UNCORKED: No, you were not a poor host. When a house gift is received, whether or not to open it and use it immediately is at the host's discretion. Your brother was ungracious to bad-mouth your hospitality.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)