DEAR ABBY: My co-workers are so nosy they're driving me crazy. When I go into my boss's office to talk to him, my co-workers pump me with remarks like, "Oh, you had to talk with the boss," in an effort to get me to disclose the reason for the conference. When I am at the copier, these busybodies pop over to the copier to see what I am copying. If they don't get what they came for, they'll follow me into my office.

If I stay in my office to complete a project by the deadline, they come in and ask things like, "Are you hiding?" or, "Why are you so quiet today?"

Abby, do you know what it's like to constantly be asked what you are doing? How can I get my co-workers out of my hair? -- FRUSTRATED IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Rather than taking it personally and allowing yourself to be put on the defensive, try to be more tolerant. Coming into your office to see why you are so quiet could be considered a friendly gesture.

Your co-workers could be motivated by curiosity or nosiness, have too much time on their hands, or be nursing a guilt complex that makes them fearful of any private conversation between the boss and a co-worker. You'd be ahead to just laugh it off rather than take it seriously -- because they probably do it to each other, too.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing in response to your advice for the woman in Sacramento, Calif., whose husband of four years spends hours with, and buys gifts for, his former wife. She stated that she is unhappy, fearful of him, and is nothing more than his housekeeper.

Please tell this woman about an organization in Sacramento called WEAVE (Women Escaping A Violent Environment). They will assist her with shelter, care, legal issues and support.

This woman needs to get out now, and present that worthless, selfish husband of hers a bill for the years of maid service she has provided him. This is not a normal marriage. She deserves to be happy with someone who appreciates her. -- BEEN THERE, DONE THAT IN SANTA ANA, CALIF.

DEAR B.T.D.T.: I agree this is not a normal marriage and the woman deserves a mate who will appreciate her. I was not aware there was an organization that would help women who have been threatened by their spouses -- but who had not yet been battered.

When I spoke to a staff member at WEAVE, she informed me that they do help women who are suffering from emotional and verbal abuse -- and that all domestic abuse organizations will help victims of ANY type of abuse. The National Domestic Violence Hotline, (800) 799-7233, will refer callers to an organization in their local area.

DEAR ABBY: Thank you for pointing out to "My Kid's Mom" that "bigotry is alive and well in every community because it seems that some people have a need to feel superior."

No man should have a "need to feel superior," Abby. The words of the late Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. come to mind and are worth repeating:

"Every man is somebody because he is a child of God." -- ARTHUR H. PRINCE, Ph.D., MEMPHIS, TENN.

DEAR DR. PRINCE: And so is every woman. Thanks for a terrific quote.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: After I read the letter from the young woman who had been date-raped at 21, I felt compelled to write. She was wondering if she should tell her boyfriend about it.

When I was 16 and a virgin, I was date-raped. For many years, I didn't know why it had happened. It took a long time to slowly heal from the incident.

Finally, I met a wonderful man with whom I started to cultivate a relationship -- first on the telephone, even though we both lived in the same small town. On our first date, I told him about what had happened to me 10 years earlier. I cried and he held me, letting me know that he was sorry that it had happened.

That wonderful man and I have been happily married for more than a year. He's my best friend, and I don't regret telling him. In fact, he helped me to let go of so many bad memories and to focus on our future. A truly understanding man will be your comfort if you are truthful. -- NO PRISONER TO THE PAST

DEAR N.P.: Your supportive letter is well worth space in this column. I'm pleased your story has such a happy ending.

One of the main reasons why the vast majority of rapes are never reported is the feeling of shame on the part of the victim. Rape is never the victim's fault.

Crisis counseling is enormously helpful for victims of sexual assault, and it's as easy to find as picking up the telephone and asking information for the number of the local rape hotline. It can help to heal psychological wounds even years after the assault, and that's why I recommend it so strongly.

DEAR ABBY: Your readers have been wonderful in years past to rescue dogs from animal shelters during October, National Adopt-a-Dog Month, and we at North Shore Animal League would like to encourage them once again to visit their shelters and take home one or more of the thousands of homeless dogs and puppies. These animals have years of unconditional love to give to kind and caring animal lovers.

Abby, people can adopt from shelters any time, but October is dedicated to making it a better world for man's (and woman's) best friend -- a canine pet. This visit to a shelter during Adopt-a-Dog Month will not only save a life, but will also bring a lifetime of love and happiness to both the needy animal orphan and the kind individual who takes a pet home.

Thank you, Abby, for your compassion and love of animals. -- MARGE STEIN, NORTH SHORE ANIMAL LEAGUE

DEAR MARGE: Thank you for the timely reminder. For individuals and families interested in acquiring some canine companionship, I can't think of a more opportune time than National Adopt-a-Dog Month. Arf arf!

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 37 years. My wife likes to go out every day, seven days a week. I like to go out two to three days a week, and would to compromise and try the "middle" -- about four times a week.

My wife is very energetic and will not meet me in the middle. What do you recommend? -- BOB IN PLANTSVILLE, CONN.

DEAR BOB: How about this for a compromise: Tell your wife that she's welcome to go out by herself or with friends a few days a week, and that you will join her for the other three or four days. That way, she gets seven days out and you get three or four.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My friend "Natalie" recently called to ask me to be in her wedding. I agreed, of course.

Abby, Natalie is making a huge mistake. They have nothing in common. He drinks a lot and smokes. She doesn't. He puts her down about her weight. She loves children. He doesn't. I could go on and on. She's the nicest person I have ever met, and I think she deserves a lot better.

I think she feels that he's the only man who will marry her. I want her to open her eyes and see this jerk for who he really is, and I don't want her hurt any more, but I'm afraid that if I say anything, it will destroy our friendship.

Abby, Natalie's mother doesn't like her fiance either, but her mother hates Natalie, too. (Her mother has even threatened her life.)

I don't want to be in this wedding because I know the marriage will not last. What can be done to stop Natalie from making the biggest mistake of her life? -- WORRIED ABOUT MY FRIEND

DEAR WORRIED: If Natalie is making serious wedding plans, it's unlikely that she'll listen to what you have to say. Some people have to learn the hard way, and Natalie may be one of them. Be there for her on her big day -- and be around later in case you have to pick up the pieces of her broken heart. That's what friends are for.

DEAR ABBY: Speaking as a visually impaired employee of the LightHouse for the Blind in San Francisco, I was pleased to read the recent letter from the woman who offered helpful suggestions for how one should "behave normally around blind people." The gist of her letter was to treat blind people like everyone else.

I would like to add a simple guideline: If you meet a blind person and you are nervous, pretend you are speaking to him or her on the telephone. When you talk to someone by phone, you don't know if that person is sighted or blind -- green or purple, for that matter -- unless he or she tells you.

Abby, it is truly refreshing when people like you use mainstream media to dispel rather than perpetuate misleading stereotypes about blindness. Thank you. -- DAMIAN PICKERING, DIRECTOR OF COMMUNICATIONS

DEAR DAMIAN: Thank you for the helpful suggestion. It makes sense to me.

DEAR ABBY: I laughed about the woman who tweezed the hairs on her chin in a restaurant. However, I broke into hysterical laughter about the man who whipped out his dentures and swished them in his water goblet, while his companion watched the waves on the shore.

It reminded me of my late, great dad, who had poorly fitting dentures that hurt him when he ate. He finally became so desperate that he took them out in the middle of a meal, laid them on the table and told us, "YOU eat with them, if you can!"

Thanks, Abby, for publishing human stories. It's good to laugh when one is all alone. I appreciate it so much. -- EVELYNE IN HAZEL GREEN, ALA.

DEAR EVELYNE: Your letter reminds me of that old line, "He probably wanted to keep from biting off more than he could chew."

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)