DEAR ABBY: The letter about the ex-wife who removed property from the home of her former mother-in-law on the day of the woman's funeral prompts this letter. You were right when you advised that what the woman did qualifies as criminal activity. Entering a dwelling in order to remove property not your own is a felony called burglary.

I would not merely call my lawyer; I would immediately notify the police before the ex-wife disposes of the property.

Having knowledge of a crime and failing to report that crime is also a violation in some jurisdictions. The irony here is that the son of the deceased may be adding to the offense by failing to notify the police.

Also, the executor of the estate has an additional duty, enforced by the probate court, to secure and properly dispose of the deceased's assets. Failing to do so is also an offense.

You knew all of this, I'm sure. I am a retired law enforcement officer, but please just sign me ... NOT A LAWYER IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR NOT: I was not aware of much of the information in your letter, and I'm sure it will be of interest to many people.

I received another comment about that letter from an attorney in Louisiana, who informed me that asking one's lawyer to write a letter demanding the property be returned, and threatening to call the law if it's not, could be construed as extortion or coercion. So I'm revising my answer: Waste no time in informing the police about the theft.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have a dilemma over something that occurred at our wedding. We invited my mother's first cousin (whom I've only met twice) and his wife out of courtesy to my grandmother. (My mother is deceased.) The cousin called our home five days before the wedding and INFORMED us that he would be picking up his son from college and bringing him to the wedding, too, "since he's family and all." He said he'd be doing this because it would give the three of them time to spend together.

Given the late notice with which he called, we decided that it was simply too late to add another guest. I spoke with him the following day, and he agreed with us and said it was "no problem" to come without his son.

To our surprise, however, while dancing at our reception, my new bride and I noticed the cousin's wife and son dancing! We don't know when he arrived or if he was there for the ceremony, cocktail party and/or dinner (however, no dinner was ordered for him and no place seating reserved). They never came over to speak to us during the evening, and we decided not to address the issue on our wedding day.

Abby, we spent a year carefully planning our wedding, and as hosts, we felt it was presumptuous of them to make a decision about our guest list against our explicit request. Under the circumstances, we do not feel comfortable accepting their wedding gift. We appreciate the gift, but are too hurt by the disrespect and disregard we feel we were shown to accept it. Should we send a letter explaining our feelings and return the gift, or is there a more appropriate course of action? -- IGNORED IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR IGNORED: Although I don't blame you for being furious, to return their gift would mean the end of the relationship. Unless you're prepared for that, I wouldn't recommend it. Remember instead the happiness of the occasion, and don't dwell on the faults of these distant relatives.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I would like to direct my remarks to "Frustrated," the woman whose husband rated very high on a scale of 10 -- but who would never apologize. I had the same problem.

After 25 years of marriage, I have discovered that he knew very well when he did something wrong. It made him angry at himself, and to cover up his insecurity, he added insult to injury.

During the last year of his life, when he knew he could die any minute, he admitted his inability to apologize and thanked me for recognizing it at the beginning of our marriage. Instead of a smart-aleck remark, I would give him a loving smile or a little kiss as a sign of forgiveness, letting him keep his "macho man" dignity.

He took it to his grave six months ago.

"Frustrated," you are young. You can still learn. If your husband is as good as you stated in your letter, love him and let him believe that you think he is perfect. He knows he's not, but he doesn't like to admit it, so don't force him. You will be rewarded with a happy life. -- NORA BENE, PLEASANT HILL, CALIF.

DEAR NORA: Please accept my heartfelt sympathy for the loss of your beloved husband. With an attitude like yours, I'm sure the union was a happy one. You are a wise woman.

The letter from "Frustrated" motivated other women who share your problem to write. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Please tell "Frustrated," whose husband is never wrong, that so many men suffer from this malady I have concluded it must be genetic.

Not only is my husband never wrong, my boss is never wrong either!

I used to try to prove them wrong by looking up items in almanacs, dictionaries and the Encyclopaedia Britannica. But of course, these reference books were also "wrong."

After several years of banging my head against these walls, I decided to simply agree with anything and everything they said. I just respond, "Yes, whatever you say," in a pleasant voice and walk away. This aggravates them more than their stubbornness ever aggravated me, and my blood pressure has never been lower. -- CALM AND SERENE IN DALLAS

DEAR CALM AND SERENE: Your medicine sounds better than a tranquilizer, but it takes a strong woman to apply it. My hat is off to you. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I, too, am married to a husband who will never admit he is wrong. The marriage has lasted 50 years. This message is for "Frustrated":

Face reality. This man will never change. That is the way he is, and nothing you can do or say will cause him to behave any differently. He doesn't really think your feelings are not important, or he wouldn't work two jobs, keep himself clean for you and help with child care.

When he's wrong, he may possibly realize it without your telling him. If you do tell him, he'll definitely know it. So you BOTH know it, even if he refuses to admit it.

Quit being frustrated. When he makes his cute remark, shrug your shoulders, cast your eyes heavenward, smile and say to yourself, "There he is, being that way again," and then FORGET it. If he won't or can't change -- then you must, or you will continue to be unhappy. -- EXPERIENCED IN HENDERSONVILLE, N.C.

DEAR EXPERIENCED: I think you have discovered a vital ingredient for achieving serenity.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: In a recent letter, a young woman said she didn't need a man to open the door for her. I just had to respond to that statement. After 14 years of marriage, my husband and I agreed he would go back to that old-fashioned courtesy of opening the car door for me. (He has always opened doors for me at buildings.) We thought this would remind us that we are still "dating" and to treat each other in a special way. I wait, he opens my door, I smile and thank him, he smiles back and holds my hand as we walk along. At first I thought this little ritual seemed forced; now it feels natural and we like the results. I think it has made us more aware and more considerate of each other.

Our daughters, ages 14 and 10, cannot say enough about how stupid they think this courtesy is. They think I'm the one insisting my husband do this. They can't believe I would put him through it -- let alone be willing to wait the few extra seconds it takes for him to walk around the car to open my door. They don't realize they are taking for granted their parents acting in a loving way toward each other! I feel cherished and connected to my husband all the time, and these little outward acts of courtesy have a remarkable effect on our relationship.

Last night at a parents' meeting at school, my husband sweetly held my hand the entire time. I noticed other parents not doing the same.

We have been at this little experiment in "old-fashioned" manners for more than a year now, and neither of us would ever go back. I realize that the married generations before me understood the value of seemingly meaningless outward gestures. Of course, I am strong enough to open my own doors, but it's not an insult that my husband wants to do it for me. Small gestures go a long way toward reminding us of our constant courtship. -- STILL DATING, KELLER, TEXAS

DEAR STILL DATING: You'll get no argument from me. At the risk of irritating some feminists, I must say that I've never been offended when a gentleman opened a door for me, helped me with my chair or stood when I entered a room. I have always regarded it as a gesture of respect. When a man acknowledges my femininity with an act of chivalry, I always thank him for it.

DEAR ABBY: My parents were married nearly 40 years when my father passed away. About a year later, my mother remarried. A year after she remarried, my father's mother passed away.

At my grandmother's funeral, my uncle referred to my mother as my grandmother's "former daughter-in-law." The same term was used in the obituary submitted by the family.

My mother was hurt by this characterization, as she feels that she was always a good daughter-in-law, and always maintained the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship even after my father passed away. She feels that despite the passing of my father and her subsequent remarriage, she should have nevertheless been referred to as my grandmother's daughter-in-law and NOT "former" daughter-in-law. -- THE FORMER GRANDCHILD

DEAR GRANDCHILD: I'm sure your uncle meant no offense. His reasoning may have been that regardless of how loving your mother's relationship was with her mother-in-law, her remarriage made her a "former" daughter-in-law. From his point of view, it seems perfectly logical.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets I and II, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)