DEAR ABBY: I have a college friend who visits annually with her family. They've been coming in November, but we live in a small town and find it difficult to entertain them in the fall. So last November we suggested that, since there is a campground with a beautiful lake nearby, they camp here during the summer. They came this July, but were tired of camping after a two-week vacation, so they asked if they could stay at our home.

There are six people in my family. My husband is a schoolteacher and I am unemployed. My friend has a family of four. Both she and her husband have good jobs, and their annual income must be roughly twice what ours is.

They don't offer to help pay for groceries, even though we always run out of milk or bread while they're here and they often go to the grocery store with us. We have gone out to eat with them, just so we won't have to buy groceries for them. They always pay for their own meals, but never offer to treat us.

Last month, my family stayed with my sister for four days. We bought $50 worth of groceries, treated their family to pizza, bought them a videotape and gave them $15 in cash. We weren't being generous; we just felt we were being fair.

Would it be wrong, the next time these friends tell us they are coming, to bill them $10 per day for meals? We've dropped so many hints we're almost rude, but we feel, after 15 years, it's time they stopped taking advantage of us. We've stopped enjoying their visits and are afraid, now that they've come in the summer, they'll begin visiting us twice a year. I'd like to tell them how I feel but have never had the nerve. Am I being petty? -- USED IN THE NORTHWEST

DEAR USED: Petty? You have been tolerant beyond belief to have allowed these freeloaders to take advantage of you for 15 years. It should be clear to you by now that if you don't put your foot down, they will continue to take advantage of you.

The next time your college chum calls to arrange a visit, tell her that you'll be charging them $60 a day, to cover the costs of feeding them, and the additional water, electricity and telephone charges you have assumed during their past visits.

Something tells me that once you stand up for yourself, your problem -- and your annual houseguests -- will vanish.

DEAR ABBY: The letters in your column concerning baldness prompt this letter.

Did you know there is a support group called "Bald-Headed Men of America" that instills pride in being bald? They hold an annual conference every September, and exchange feelings and experiences through group discussions that further the acceptance of being bald. It is their conviction that the best "cure" for baldness is to promote a positive mental attitude -- with humor. -- PAT BECKER, SCOTTSDALE, ARIZ.

DEAR PAT: Thank you for the "heads up." A positive mental attitude and a sense of humor are seductive qualities, regardless of the state of one's hairline.

Those interested in learning more about Bald-Headed Men of America may write: 102 Bald Drive, Morehead City, N.C. 28557. The telephone number is 1-252-726-1855 and the e-mail address is: jcapps4102@aol.com.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Many years ago, when I was a volunteer at a Veterans Hospital, I went into a room to visit a World War II veteran. His wife and grown children were arguing loudly and trying to get him involved. He looked at them for a while, and silently turned over. The visitors didn't notice me or the doctor who came in behind me; they just kept blaming each other about something. We both walked out and I noticed the doctor shaking his head in disbelief.

Not long ago when I was recovering from a five-way bypass and a stroke on the operating table, my roommate's wife and daughter came in to tell him about all the troubles they were having at home. The poor man had enough troubles of his own. I later mentioned it to a nurse. She told me that all the hospital patients have the same problem.

Hospitals should have a sign at the entrance that reads: "Leave your troubles at home while visiting patients." -- ERNEST A. SCHICHLER SR., COLUMBIA, S.C.

DEAR ERNEST: I agree. Subjecting patients who are sick enough to be hospitalized to additional stress is hardly therapeutic. Tranquility should be the order of the day.

And while I'm at it, visiting hours should be respected because patients need their rest.

DEAR ABBY: I'm so angry I'm seeing red! When my nephew recently married, relatives gave his future bride and him a shower. We live 1,100 miles away, so I assumed the invitation we received had been sent as a polite gesture. We can't afford to travel that distance for either the wedding or the shower.

My husband and I decided to send an expensive gift for the wedding instead of two smaller gifts for each occasion. We explained this to our sister-in-law. She was so offended that she dug out two unused gifts she had received, wrapped them, signed our names, and presented them to the bridal couple at the shower!

When I learned of this, I was livid. I felt like a fool being thanked for the gifts. Abby, don't you think I have the right to determine which gifts I give and to whom? Was that tacky? We're not kids -- my husband and I are both in our 40s. -- DUMBFOUNDED IN TEXAS

DEAR DUMBFOUNDED: Yes, it was tacky and I don't blame you for being peeved. Since you were unable to attend either the wedding or the shower, you were very generous to have sent a wedding gift. Your sister-in-law's gesture may have been well-meant, but it was out of line.

DEAR ABBY: A lot has been said about the health benefits from quitting smoking. I have an extra benefit I'd like to mention.

I was a smoker for more than 50 years. During the last 20 years, I smoked three packs a day.

When I finally decided to quit in 1997, I began putting aside the money I would have spent on cigarettes. In November of '98 I took my wife and two young grandchildren from Oregon to Disneyworld in Florida for eight days.

I'm still not smoking, still saving and plan to take my wife and oldest granddaughter to Hawaii in April of 2000.

Abby, my health is better now and I'm really enjoying retirement. Sign me ... HAPPY TRAVELER, TIGARD, ORE.

DEAR HAPPY TRAVELER: Congratulations -- and aloha!

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: As a devoted Muslim reader, I support Mavis Leno's efforts for the women of Afghanistan.

The purpose of my letter is to inform your readers that the suppression of women in Afghanistan or any other Muslim country is falsely attributed to the teachings of Islam. In fact, the acts of emancipation promoted by the Prophet gave women a place of honor and respect in seventh-century Arabia. For instance, during the battles that were fought in the beginning of Islam, women worked in the field, nursing and comforting the wounded. They were neither sheltered nor shunned.

In my readings of the Holy Koran and Hadith, I have not seen any edict that would justify the treatment meted out to these hapless women in these so-called Islamic regimes. -- NO NAME IN N.J.

DEAR NO NAME: Since most of my readers are unfamiliar with the teachings of the Koran, thank you for making it clear that the plight of the Afghan women originated in the hearts of fanatics, and not in the Koran.

DEAR ABBY: You were right when you said that the doggerel written in response to the poem honoring mothers-in-law would raise eyebrows -- but not the way you expected it to.

I'm not a mother-in-law objecting to this doggerel as poking fun at all good mother-in-laws around the world. I am a man. I'm not here to rush to the defense of the decent men who don't behave in ways the doggerel described. However, my eyebrow arched at the implied message that his behavior might be suitable grounds for divorce. While the daughter-in-law's outlook may be tongue-in-cheek, I think you'll like the way this poem states my point in the same spirit. -- ROBERT FERDINAND JR., FRIDLEY, MINN.

DEAR ROBERT: You are a talented as well as sensible man. You're right; I do like the way you make a point. Read on:

CAN WE TALK, HONEY?

(A Mother-in-Law Responds)

You told him "I do," and I once gave you credit

For thinking it through, Dear --

BEFORE you had said it.

You judge him as shiftless and lazy,

So be it!

Yet he lived his life out

Where the whole world could see it!

So how did he fool you?

I'd like to know why

You could give every foible

Of his the blind eye.

Was that any way to go choosing a mate,

With your hormones so raging

You couldn't think straight?

Or was it the lure of his six-digit pay

That convinced you to take him,

And change him someday?

But it hasn't worked out

In the way you had planned.

Now you're hoping to dump him

And see him unmanned.

Yes, you sound quite dramatic

But I won't lose heart!

'Cause the problem is YOURS, Dear --

'Til death do you part!

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)