DEAR ABBY: As a devoted Muslim reader, I support Mavis Leno's efforts for the women of Afghanistan.

The purpose of my letter is to inform your readers that the suppression of women in Afghanistan or any other Muslim country is falsely attributed to the teachings of Islam. In fact, the acts of emancipation promoted by the Prophet gave women a place of honor and respect in seventh-century Arabia. For instance, during the battles that were fought in the beginning of Islam, women worked in the field, nursing and comforting the wounded. They were neither sheltered nor shunned.

In my readings of the Holy Koran and Hadith, I have not seen any edict that would justify the treatment meted out to these hapless women in these so-called Islamic regimes. -- NO NAME IN N.J.

DEAR NO NAME: Since most of my readers are unfamiliar with the teachings of the Koran, thank you for making it clear that the plight of the Afghan women originated in the hearts of fanatics, and not in the Koran.

DEAR ABBY: You were right when you said that the doggerel written in response to the poem honoring mothers-in-law would raise eyebrows -- but not the way you expected it to.

I'm not a mother-in-law objecting to this doggerel as poking fun at all good mother-in-laws around the world. I am a man. I'm not here to rush to the defense of the decent men who don't behave in ways the doggerel described. However, my eyebrow arched at the implied message that his behavior might be suitable grounds for divorce. While the daughter-in-law's outlook may be tongue-in-cheek, I think you'll like the way this poem states my point in the same spirit. -- ROBERT FERDINAND JR., FRIDLEY, MINN.

DEAR ROBERT: You are a talented as well as sensible man. You're right; I do like the way you make a point. Read on:

CAN WE TALK, HONEY?

(A Mother-in-Law Responds)

You told him "I do," and I once gave you credit

For thinking it through, Dear --

BEFORE you had said it.

You judge him as shiftless and lazy,

So be it!

Yet he lived his life out

Where the whole world could see it!

So how did he fool you?

I'd like to know why

You could give every foible

Of his the blind eye.

Was that any way to go choosing a mate,

With your hormones so raging

You couldn't think straight?

Or was it the lure of his six-digit pay

That convinced you to take him,

And change him someday?

But it hasn't worked out

In the way you had planned.

Now you're hoping to dump him

And see him unmanned.

Yes, you sound quite dramatic

But I won't lose heart!

'Cause the problem is YOURS, Dear --

'Til death do you part!

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DEAR ABBY: I have a dear friend I look up to like an older sister. We enjoy visiting with her and her family, as well as vacationing with them. We sometimes camp out together, too.

The problem: She and her husband discipline our children right in front of us! I refuse to see our children humiliated, and when I try to defend them, it starts an argument among all of us. Now our children hesitate to do anything around them for fear of being disciplined.

Abby, my husband and I would never dream of disciplining another's child. We believe that parents should discipline their own children. How do we resolve this problem without alienating our friends? We don't want to sacrifice the friendship. -- MOTHER ON THE DEFENSIVE

DEAR MOTHER: Make it plain to your friends that should your children need discipline, you and your husband will administer it. If that doesn't solve the problem, then the only alternative is to curtail your visits with these friends. It's unfortunate, but your children's welfare must take first priority.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Nick," can't understand why our 10-year-old son, "Tony," is "hard of hearing" when he talks to him. Maybe it's because Nick talks so loud that our son tunes him out.

I suggested that Nick ask Tony why he doesn't listen to him, but Nick gets mad at me and insists that he MUST talk loud to get through to Tony.

Abby, our son is not hard of hearing, and I think Tony doesn't follow instructions because of the way his father talks to him. I also think the one who really isn't "listening" is my husband.

Any advice? -- TONY'S MOM

DEAR TONY'S MOM: There's a power struggle going on, and your husband thinks he can win it by shouting. Family counseling could help him gain some insight and communicate more effectively with Tony. If your husband refuses, I recommend earplugs for you until Tony leaves for college.

DEAR ABBY: You missed the boat in your response to "Furious in Spanish Port, Ala.," whose husband expected her to entertain his long-estranged father while he attended a social event.

You said, "It is important to your husband, so try to be gracious."

Abby, if Dad were so important to "Furious'" hubby, wouldn't you think hubby would decline the social event and tend to Dad himself? Even an important business-related social event can be declined or cut short due to a visit from a father one has only seen three times in the past 45 years. -- ALISON IN PIEDMONT, CALIF.

DEAR ALISON: I was not prepared for the amount of criticism I received for my response to "Furious," so I will try to explain it. Many couples have emotional "issues" regarding their parents because of the way they were (or weren't) raised, and if possible it's better to resolve them while the parents are still living. Her husband asked her to suspend her anger and judgmental attitude and help him out. As a loving wife and helpmate, if it's possible for her to do so, I think she should.

I am not saying the long-absent father should be allowed to move in or take liberties. I'm saying only that she should be as charming as possible and give the man a fair hearing until her husband arrives.

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DEAR ABBY: I am a 16-year-old girl with wonderful parents and a great little sister who is 13. My mom just had a third child. My brother's name is "Nathan." He is 6 months old now and I don't think any baby could be more loved.

Because my mother works part time, I take care of my brother for a few hours each day.

The problem is that when I take him for a walk or to the mall, I am faced with disapproving looks and rude comments from adults who obviously think he is my baby. I see people shake their heads when I walk by, and I hear them mutter about irresponsible teen-agers.

I don't know how to respond to people like that, but I do know that adults should stop seeing something wrong with every situation they encounter. They seem to think my entire generation is hopeless. This is far from the truth.

Abby, how should I deal with this situation when I next encounter it? -- SWEET 16, SEATTLE

DEAR SWEET 16: I know it's far from the truth, and you shouldn't be put in the position where you feel you "must respond" to disapproving looks and rude remarks from strangers. Have a T-shirt made for your little brother bearing the message: "She's My Sister!"

DEAR ABBY: After reading the letters in your column about children's behavior in restaurants, I had to write.

When my current husband and I began dating, we had three toddlers between us. Two were his, one was mine. The youngest, his 1-year-old, ran wild. I was ashamed and embarrassed. The two girls were fine. (His daughter was 3 and mine was 2.) But oh, that son! He threw temper tantrums, insisted on a particular cup or plate or he wouldn't eat, stood on chairs and benches, etc. He was spoiled rotten, and I told my husband so. I also told him it was wrong to allow such behavior. It didn't faze him.

One day we were in a restaurant, and a stranger came to our table and said, "You two have three beautiful children. What a shame that your son's behavior is all I'll remember when we leave."

What an impact that made! My husband began right then and there teaching his son acceptable behavior.

Three years ago, on an airplane flight, a flight attendant approached my husband and said, "Your three kids are so polite. They say please and thank you. Half the adults on this flight could learn from them!" The kids were 12, 13 and 14 at that time. We were, and still are, so proud. And the son, who is now 15, is a very well-mannered gentleman.

So obviously, children will do what the parent allows. -- STEPMOM IN TAMPA

DEAR STEPMOM: Absolutely! And that's why it's important for parents to set limits for their children. How else are they going to learn what is acceptable and what is not?

YOUR CHUCKLE FOR THE DAY: A woman came home from work and found a note from her husband. It said: "Your doctor's office called. Your Pabst beer is normal!" -- ANNE B. WARZYN, KANSAS CITY, MO.

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