DEAR ABBY: I am a 16-year-old girl with wonderful parents and a great little sister who is 13. My mom just had a third child. My brother's name is "Nathan." He is 6 months old now and I don't think any baby could be more loved.

Because my mother works part time, I take care of my brother for a few hours each day.

The problem is that when I take him for a walk or to the mall, I am faced with disapproving looks and rude comments from adults who obviously think he is my baby. I see people shake their heads when I walk by, and I hear them mutter about irresponsible teen-agers.

I don't know how to respond to people like that, but I do know that adults should stop seeing something wrong with every situation they encounter. They seem to think my entire generation is hopeless. This is far from the truth.

Abby, how should I deal with this situation when I next encounter it? -- SWEET 16, SEATTLE

DEAR SWEET 16: I know it's far from the truth, and you shouldn't be put in the position where you feel you "must respond" to disapproving looks and rude remarks from strangers. Have a T-shirt made for your little brother bearing the message: "She's My Sister!"

DEAR ABBY: After reading the letters in your column about children's behavior in restaurants, I had to write.

When my current husband and I began dating, we had three toddlers between us. Two were his, one was mine. The youngest, his 1-year-old, ran wild. I was ashamed and embarrassed. The two girls were fine. (His daughter was 3 and mine was 2.) But oh, that son! He threw temper tantrums, insisted on a particular cup or plate or he wouldn't eat, stood on chairs and benches, etc. He was spoiled rotten, and I told my husband so. I also told him it was wrong to allow such behavior. It didn't faze him.

One day we were in a restaurant, and a stranger came to our table and said, "You two have three beautiful children. What a shame that your son's behavior is all I'll remember when we leave."

What an impact that made! My husband began right then and there teaching his son acceptable behavior.

Three years ago, on an airplane flight, a flight attendant approached my husband and said, "Your three kids are so polite. They say please and thank you. Half the adults on this flight could learn from them!" The kids were 12, 13 and 14 at that time. We were, and still are, so proud. And the son, who is now 15, is a very well-mannered gentleman.

So obviously, children will do what the parent allows. -- STEPMOM IN TAMPA

DEAR STEPMOM: Absolutely! And that's why it's important for parents to set limits for their children. How else are they going to learn what is acceptable and what is not?

YOUR CHUCKLE FOR THE DAY: A woman came home from work and found a note from her husband. It said: "Your doctor's office called. Your Pabst beer is normal!" -- ANNE B. WARZYN, KANSAS CITY, MO.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My family attends a local church, and we have made many friends within this congregation. However, there is one family in this congregation who wears out the welcome mat at our home, and I don't know how to handle it without making enemies.

For Memorial Day, we were having a picnic in our back yard with some friends. "Mr. Uninvited" drove by and, seeing that we had guests, "stopped in" and invited himself for dinner after asking, "What do you have for me to drink?" When a beer was offered, he responded, "Oh, this cheap brand -- don't you have anything else?"

It upsets me that he has the nerve to invite himself when it is obvious that we're having company and he was not invited. I would never do that to him. Then, the insults we hear if we're serving only hamburgers and hot dogs and not having surf and turf, really put the icing on the cake. He always comes "empty-handed," which does not improve the situation.

This is a family of four. The father and son are the worst offenders. They are a middle-class family, like us, so it's not a case of "he won't eat tonight if I don't feed him." In addition, they have never once invited us to their home.

I have on several occasions made remarks, trying to drop the hint that they are not welcome to barge into my home on all occasions, but he just doesn't "get it." I don't want to make an enemy, but I cannot tolerate his rudeness anymore. Any suggestions? -- NEEDS HELP WITH THE VISITORS

DEAR NEEDS HELP: I've often said, "If people take advantage of you once, shame on them -- if it happens more than once, shame on YOU."

You are being imposed upon, and it will continue until you take a firm stand. The next time the freeloader drops by when you are entertaining, say: "It's not convenient to have you visit us now. We'll see you another time."

If it costs you a friendship, you haven't lost much.

DEAR ABBY: I was very disappointed in the advice you gave "Brokenhearted in Lake Forest, Ill." You advised her to put a rubber band around her wrist and snap it each time she thought about her ex-boyfriend because the pain inflicted on her wrist would distract her from the pain in her heart.

Abby, I work with a population of people who use this approach to the pain in their lives. They cut on themselves to take away their mental pain. It becomes very addictive and they cannot stop doing it.

A snap of a rubber band to remove the other pain is alarmingly close. It can lead to further self-abuse or mutilation.

Please offer the woman better advice: to take a long walk, deep breaths, hot baths, or to count the many things she has to be thankful for! -- BRENDA HENDERSON, CORVALLIS, ORE., MENTAL HEALTH ASSOCIATION

DEAR BRENDA: Although the rubber band technique is a very old one for behavior modification, the letters I have received from you and several people who identified themselves as "cutters" were eye-openers. While the majority of people are not masochistic, in the future I'll recommend positive, rather than negative, reinforcement.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I recently watched a country music award given to two men. The first to speak hogged the mike, gabbed about his sick child at home, thanked everyone in the music business and then invited his partner to speak. As the other man approached the mike, the first remembered he hadn't thanked his wife, shouldered his way back in and droned on about how many years they had been together, yadda-yadda-yadda.

The partner looked sad as the music came up and they went to commercial. I felt angry that he wasn't acknowledged and didn't get to say a word or two. It happens so often, I wanted to comment.

At every Oscar, Emmy, Grammy, etc., award ceremony, every double or group award has one windbag who grabs the mike, tells his kids to go to bed and thanks everyone from his kindergarten teacher to his mailman while the others wait patiently until the allotted time runs out. It hurts to see the pained expressions on the faces of the partners whose finest hour is ruined by a selfish, egotistical microphone hog.

Since we know we can't teach them to be considerate and to share, maybe the awards committee could make new rules that would stifle the selfish windbags and eliminate those endlessly long programs. What do you think? -- RUTH W., VIRGINIA BEACH, VA.

DEAR RUTH: Take a bow. You deserve a standing ovation for saying what a great many members of a captive audience have long been thinking. In the days of vaudeville, a long-handled hook was used to remove lingering performers from the stage.

DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from "Frustrated," who was looking for an alternative to a religious wedding ceremony, may I suggest secular Humanist clergy?

I am a Humanist minister from the Humanist Society of Friends whose celebrants, ministers, chaplains, counselors and pastors are all secular Humanists. You can find us throughout the United States and Canada. For details, your readers can call the American Humanist Association toll-free number: (800) 743-6646, or e-mail them at humanism@juno.com.

I have performed nonreligious weddings, funerals and naming ceremonies since 1963, when I first obtained my license from the state of Ohio to solemnize marriages. My state license is identical to that of any other clergy. -- DR. RICK RICKARDS, CLEVELAND

DEAR DR. RICKARDS: Thank you for pointing this out. After I printed that letter, I was flooded with letters from readers telling me that Humanist celebrants function the same way members of traditional clergy do -- with one exception: They are nontheists.

Many people also wrote to remind me that Unitarian Universalist ministers are also willing to perform ceremonies without reference to God. The telephone number of the Unitarian Universalist Association is (617) 742-2100. Their Web address is: www.uua.org/main.html.

To all of you who took the time to write, thank you for the input.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)