DEAR ABBY: I have never written to you before, but I'd like to get this off my chest.

Two years ago, I moved 1,200 miles from the East Coast to my hometown in Colorado. I left all my friends behind, people I had known for at least five years -- and some for as long as 20 years. I have spent a bundle on cards, stamps and photos in an effort to keep in touch with those I love and miss. I want them to know "I care about you" and "You're worth the time and effort for me to stay in touch."

The problem, Abby, is that very few of these people have replied to my letters. I realize that people are busy, or they may not enjoy writing letters like I do. But even a postcard would make me happy. My feelings are hurt because of their lack of effort. I've tried telling myself, "So don't write them anymore," but that is just not me. I've always been the one who keeps people in contact with others. I like letting people know that they're not forgotten.

Abby, please remind people that spending maybe 10 minutes to write a letter may make a world of difference, especially to someone who lives far from friends. -- MISSING THEM IN COLORADO

DEAR MISSING THEM: The art of letter writing has changed with the times. E-mail, faxes, form letters and quick phone calls are time-savers for busy people. Consider making a game of it, by sending a short, humorous questionnaire asking your friends specific questions about their lives and loves. Be sure to include a stamped, self-addressed envelope. Or better yet, telephone or e-mail instead of writing a letter.

DEAR ABBY: I hope you can stand another "grandmother story." She's been gone for a few years, but we still get a laugh over this one:

I was married in 1976. I had a beautiful morning church Mass and afternoon reception. Gram selected a gorgeous dress for the reception. Because she had no time to change after Mass, she wore a lovely coat and hat -- hats were worn at that time -- for church.

Pictures were taken outside after Mass; then we were off to the reception. We had planned to take a four-generation (all female) photo at the reception. When the time came, Gram was still decked out in her hat and coat. Well, we asked her to remove the winter garb for the photo -- and she said she couldn't. It seems that while she was dressing, she decided to give her hair one last heavy coat of hair spray. When she tried to remove her hat, it was glued to her hair!

Now when I get lonely for Gram, I take out my album and look at that photo -- everyone in best dresses and my grandmother in her hat and coat. Twenty years later, it still makes me smile. -- STILL MISS GRAM, FORT WORTH, TEXAS

DEAR STILL: Hats off to you for sharing that smile.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: It has taken me years to write this letter.

My husband and I were married 35 years when he died suddenly. I adored him. He was my whole world.

A few years later I was putting my life back together when out of the blue, my "best friend" told me my husband had had an affair, and she could prove it. All his pallbearers knew about it. After much looking back, I knew it was true. I was devastated and have been in therapy for several years.

I would like to thank all of those who knew and kept silent. When a person dies, let all secrets be buried with him.

I cry as I write this, Abby. I loved him so much. Perhaps my letter will keep someone from hurting a person who is already hurting. -- WOUNDED IN MIDLAND, TEXAS

DEAR WOUNDED: A person who pours salt on the wound of someone who is already hurting is not a "friend"; she is a troublemaker. All you had left of your marriage were your memories, and I have to wonder why someone would want to destroy them. I hope that your years of therapy have helped you put your feelings of anger and betrayal into perspective, and to focus on the many wonderful years you had together -- because in the long run that is all that's important. You have years of life ahead of you, and it would be a tragedy if you spent them crying over something that no one can change and was better left unsaid.

DEAR ABBY: The recent letter in your column about jury duty prompts this letter. How do we ever get a jury of our peers when the selection process weeds out anyone who has read a newspaper or listened to the news in the last five years? They seem to want only brain-dead jurors. -- ARLEN B., HERCULES, CALIF.

DEAR ARLEN: During the last decade or so, the jury selection process has become very sophisticated -- and counsel for both sides usually have specific criteria in mind as they go through the process. If I had to name the No. 1 complaint I receive from readers about jury duty, it's that so little money is paid to jurors that they fear it would cause financial hardship to their families. Someone has to pay for the groceries while the jurors sit in judgment.

DEAR ABBY: I thought you'd be interested to know that the story of the wife and mother in a sinking boat was used for courses for Western men who would be doing business in the Far East to show contrasts in the way the two cultures differ.

When presented with the choice of saving the wife or the mother, most men brought up in a Western culture chose to save their wife. The men brought up in an Eastern culture would choose to save their mother -- the rationale being that it was possible to have another wife, but one could never have another mother. -- DIFFERENT STROKES, LAKELAND, FLA.

DEAR DIFFERENT: That's why it's so important for women to know how to paddle their own canoes.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I think you came up short in your reply to "Dreading September," the woman expecting twins. She is concerned about having to deal with both her controlling mother-in-law and a potential visit from her sister-in-law's family immediately after the children are born. You advised her to accept her mother-in-law's love, reassure her, and tune her out. As for her sister-in-law, you said she should have them put off the visit until she has a firmly established schedule. Good advice -- but it's directed at the wrong person.

As the father of triplets, I know this situation and can tell you that without her husband's close involvement, she will surely be jeopardizing her relationship with these people.

When my children were born, my parents also wanted to immediately come for a visit. I loved them, but they had always been "high maintenance" guests, and Mother had an opinion on everything. It was very difficult telling them they could not come see their grandchildren until we had established a routine, but it had to be done. Even when they came, six weeks after the kids were born, I insisted they stay in a motel. They didn't like it but accepted it because it came from me.

This woman's husband needs to get a spine and put his priorities in order. His wife and children come first. HE needs to be the one to gently but firmly, and repeatedly if necessary, tell his mother to back off. He should also tell his sister that they cannot come for a visit right away. If they hear it from him, they'll be mad, but they'll get over it. If they hear it from her, they'll hold it against her forever. -- BEEN THERE, DONE THAT IN N.Y.

DEAR BEEN THERE, DONE THAT: I was surprised by the amount of mail that was generated -- and several other parents of twins echoed your sentiments. Read on for more comments:

DEAR ABBY: Your advice to "Dreading September" was sound. When I became pregnant with twins, my husband was elated. In fact, he was so excited he invited a steady stream of family members to visit anytime. After three days of constant distractions, I was exhausted. Nights are very long with twins, and I needed every quiet daytime moment to care for myself, eat and rest.

My OB gave me some wise advice. She said that what my babies needed most was a healthy mother. And if I didn't focus on recovering from childbirth and adjusting to parenting twins, I'd wind up in the hospital myself.

The best I could offer was ONE HOUR in which everyone could visit together. Sound controlling? You bet. But the babies are the first priority -- and they need Mommy! -- LUCKY TO HAVE TWINS IN L.A.

DEAR LUCKY: Your twins are lucky to have a mother who has her head on straight. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I would like to tell "Dreading" that she's wise to plan ahead for her rest and well-being after giving birth. One way to defuse self-appointed advice-givers is to mention that she is interested only in receiving suggestions from mothers of twins!

Organizations such as La Leche League and the Mothers of Twins Clubs are good sources for parents. -- JUDY IN STOCKBRIDGE, GA.

DEAR JUDY: Thank you for the reminder. Several readers mentioned twins clubs, and there's even one for parents of triplets. Those who want to learn more about twins clubs should write: National Organization of Mothers of Twins Clubs, P.O. Box 23188, Albuquerque, N.M. 87192-1188, or visit the Web site: http://www.nomotc.org/.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)