DEAR ABBY: Regarding the letter you've printed concerning displaying the American flag, I bet no one can top this:

I live in a new duplex-condo community. Our association bylaws forbid any permanent structures of any kind on our front lawns. All the condos are exactly alike -- boring -- and this is meant to preserve uniformity.

An 80-year-old retired Army colonel, a veteran of World War II, who walks with a cane due to an injury sustained during the war, recently moved into our neighborhood. He and his seriously ill wife had always flown the flag -- so he promptly installed a flagpole of the proper size and proudly raised one.

He and his wife would sit in their front yard on summer evenings, and strollers would stop by to visit them and each other. It was a lovely time.

However, not everyone socialized or appreciated his patriotism. More than half the residents deemed the flag "tacky" or inappropriate. An association meeting was held at which the colonel's flag was discussed and voted on by the board. The colonel had prepared a stirring statement concerning what the flag meant to him, mentioning his war experiences. Would you believe the board voted 5-to-3 against him? The old guy was defeated!

The story has a semi-happy ending: The colonel agreed that whoever was willing to do it could come over and remove the flagpole, which had been set in concrete. Abby, no one had the nerve -- and his flag still flies year-round. He still sits and visits with his friends on summer evenings; his wife died three months ago. -- P.H. IN GODFREY, ILL.

DEAR P.H.: I salute the colonel and his devotion to the symbol of our nation. It is sad that more than half his neighbors are not similarly moved.

DEAR ABBY: I am a young widow in my mid-40s. I have a friend who is a widower almost the same age. We've both been alone for a few years. We have children. I live in a small town.

We've gone out a few times and have spent all day together. We talked, laughed, ate, walked side-by-side and listened to music without a spoken word. We've never even held hands, but have given each other playful pushes, nudges, etc., and have sat close together.

It's been months since we've been out, and I know he's not dating because he told me so. Neither am I. Abby, sometimes I'd like to call him up just to talk, or say, "Let's go out," but I don't want him to think I'm chasing him. I need him as a friend and I miss him.

When we run into each other, that connection is there with just a smile. It feels right. Is this all because we shared the same grief years back, or is there more to it?

A small town can be lonely and people talk. What should I do? -- MISSING HIM WITH A HEAVY HEART

DEAR MISSING HIM: Call him. You have nothing to lose but your loneliness.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I just finished reading the letter from "A Teacher Who Cares About the Future." I was saddened when I read your comment that "extremely bright children may act out because they are bored."

Our society has reached a sad state when it excuses unacceptable behavior on the premise that it's OK because of the so-called "brilliance" of the offending child. If a child is truly brilliant, he or she can learn to set limits, learn constructive things to do with his or her time, and continue to excel at his or her own rate without disturbing other children.

My children range in age from 15 to 26. All have been considered "extremely bright" by their teachers. One tested brighter than any child ever tested by our school psychologist during academically talented testing in our school district. Was she ever bored? Yes, often. Did she ever long for more challenges? I'm sure she did. Did she ever, ever once act out in school? Never!

Instead of acting out when she was little, she took extra books and projects to do in her spare time. A wise principal once told me to put her in dance and music classes -- and anything else in which she seemed interested. He said she needed to excel in many areas, or she could become bored in a few. I also volunteered regularly in her classrooms to give the teacher time to spend with other children on both ends of the academic spectrum.

Abby, limits need to be set and children need to be held to them. I am eternally grateful to the teachers who challenged each of my children to be the best that they could be. It has paid off handsomely.

Parents: Stop blaming the schools and look in the mirror! -- HAPPY MOM IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR HAPPY MOM: While I agree with much of your thinking, the statement that extremely bright children may act out because they are bored was made to me by an early childhood learning specialist whom I trust.

It is essential that physical problems be ruled out as a cause of misbehavior. Mature children have the ability to entertain themselves and to use their time constructively. Children with learning disabilities or ADHD may not. However, this does not relieve parents from the responsibility of teaching their children respect for authority and what is -- and is not -- appropriate behavior. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I applaud the advice from both you and the "Teacher Who Cares." I have been a schoolteacher and a principal. Children need to be taught respect for adults and authority. They need to accept the word "no." You would be shocked at how often students (even those in the primary levels) make disrespectful and rude remarks to teachers. You would also be surprised how these students -- and their parents -- react to discipline. They do not approve of it.

Yes, it is hard to say "no" to a child you love dearly. But not saying "no" creates a monster who ends up damaging him or herself and others. -- ANOTHER EDUCATOR WHO CARES ABOUT THE FUTURE

DEAR EDUCATOR: Failure to teach children limits and appropriate behavior is a form of neglect that can handicap their educational and social development. Furthermore, children cannot be expected to know what their parents haven't taught them, and they mirror the attitudes of the adults after whom they model themselves. The child of parents who feel that rules do not apply to them will, predictably, be disruptive in the classroom and disrespectful of the rights of others -- hardly a recipe for success.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: It's been more than 20 years since I sprawled on the grass, discussing dandelions with my daughter, who was not yet 10. Our headline news was filled with trouble in some Middle Eastern country.

As we lay together in the grass, my daughter asked, "What happens to dandelion seeds when they blow away?" I explained that they plant themselves and grow to make new dandelions. Before I could tell her that's why Daddy doesn't want them in our grass, she excitedly said, "Wouldn't it be great if we could put LOVE on the seeds and blow them to the people fighting with each other, so love could grow instead?"

Her innocent, loving thought inspired me to write the following:

"If I could blow my thoughts like dandelions to the wind,

"Thoughts of love, peace and hope I'd send

"To seed hearts and souls the world therein."

Twenty years later our moment shared and my little poem came to mind yet again. I still have a loving daughter and still have the same dream. Perhaps these loving thoughts of my little girl will seed and inspire yet other loving thoughts to grow in this complex world we share. I pray that God will give our love seeds to grow. -- ANN McCLAIN WASHINGTON, MISSOULA, MONT.

DEAR ANN: The sentiments of your inspirational poem are a heartwarming reminder that we reap what we sow. Thank you for sharing it.

DEAR ABBY: I have read with interest the letters you have printed from readers about the difficulties they encountered when trying to settle the family estate after the parents pass on.

Before Mom and Dad died, they let it be known they didn't want any arguments or hard feelings during or after we kids divided up their worldly possessions. As executor of the estate, I felt responsible but had not yet devised a method for dividing the estate.

The day we six brothers and sisters arrived at the homestead in Oconto, Wis., Mom and Dad must have been watching over us. During the preliminary discussion, one of my sisters suggested that we put our names in a bowl for anything we wanted in the house and simply draw for it with no limitations. The next two days we spent together turned out to be the most heartwarming, enjoyable experience for all of us. I still remember my sisters ORDERING me to put my name in the bowl for an antique dish that I wasn't interested in but they thought my wife might like.

I still have the small aluminum bowl with all our names engraved on it. I also still have the note my wife gave me as I left our house for Oconto: "Dear Bill, please remember that there is no material thing on this Earth more important than family." -- BILL HOPPE, WAUKESHA, WIS.

DEAR BILL: Regardless of the material possessions your parents may or may not have left behind, you come from a wealthy family. And your wife is a jewel.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)