DEAR ABBY: Regarding the discussion in your column about taking pictures at funerals: In 1986, my partner died of complications from AIDS. We were lucky that he was able to remain at home in comfortable surroundings. I am a floral designer and he loved my work, so I worked all day at my former place of employment to do his flowers.

Many friends sent sympathy tributes and wondered if I would photograph the flowers for them. I agreed. When I was alone in the funeral parlor, I took photographs of the flowers and of him lying in the casket. And yes, he did look better that day in the casket than while he was dying. AIDS is a horrible way to go, so don't condemn anyone for saying that the deceased looked better on the day of the funeral. In some cases it's true.

Abby, please remind people that the AIDS virus is still out of control. The drugs are not effective for everyone. This epidemic is still far from over. -- MIKE FROM ST. PETE

DEAR MIKE: You are absolutely right that the AIDS epidemic is still a threat here and around the world. However, a growing complacency is causing many people to let down their guard.

According to Dr. Mervyn Silverman, board member and former president of the American Foundation for AIDS Research (amFAR), new treatment combinations are helping many who have been infected. However, a growing number of people, sadly, do not benefit from the new drug therapies.

In addition, there are 40,000 new HIV infections in the United States alone each year. The infection rate is rising among our youth, women, and especially people of color. And AIDS is increasing among our senior citizens, who represent 10 percent of all cases nationwide! Unfortunately, many of those over the age of 50 don't think they are at risk for AIDS -- nor do their physicians -- which results in delayed treatment.

Young people, gay and straight, believe nothing bad can happen to them. This is especially dangerous for gay youth, who have a significantly increased chance of being exposed to HIV through unprotected sex.

In short, people who have lulled themselves into believing this epidemic is over could be dead wrong.

DEAR ABBY: I just finished listening to a waitress on a local radio talk show. The topic was the rudeness of some guests, and how some "cheapskates" leave horrible tips.

Well, Miss Abby, I am a chef in one of the top restaurants in Los Angeles. I have to deal with servers coming into my kitchen and at times berating my staff: "Can't you even cook a steak right?" "Can't you read?" etc. The difference here is that my staff do not receive tips. They earn from $7 to $10 an hour. On a long night, they'll be on their feet nine to 10 hours. They do not receive overtime.

So, to restaurant guests: The next time you receive terrible service in a restaurant and the food is good, call the manager over and tell the person that the food was great -- and give him a tip for the KITCHEN. Even a couple of dollars would mean all the world to us. -- HEAD CHEF IN L.A.

DEAR HEAD CHEF: After your staff works all night in a hot kitchen, I suspect some cold cash would be refreshing. I'm sure many readers have offered their compliments to the chef -- and crew -- but far fewer have shown their appreciation with a tip. Thank you for mentioning it.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: Yesterday I printed responses from male readers to the letter from "20-Something in L.A." listing her contemporary rules for dating. Today we'll sample some of the feedback I received from women. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I take exception to the dating guidelines offered by "20-Something in L.A." I see no reason why a gainfully employed adult should expect her date to pick up the tab for everything. Moreover, a young woman who lets her date pay for everything may well have a hard time refusing to "repay" her date with sex. Take it from a woman with a few more years of dating experience. Play fair and play safe. -- CARRYING MY OWN WEIGHT IN PORTLAND

DEAR ABBY: Here are a couple of additions to the dating guidelines for females:

Return his call even if you don't want to go out with him. It is rude and poor manners not to. If you don't want to go out with him, tell him so. Better to be honest than to get his hopes up and make him chase you.

If he breaks up with you for someone else, don't automatically blame her. It might be a blessing in disguise. There are lots of other fish in the sea, and hope the next one will realize what he has and hang on.

Be careful. Even though you may think you know someone, you might not. Respect yourself enough to insist he gets "tested" before you have sex. It could save your life. There are enough surprises in dating; eliminate at least one.

Also, my friends and I have discovered that the time when you are least likely to be looking for love is when it finds you. -- 20-SOMETHING IN KANSAS

DEAR ABBY: May I add my own 2 cents? Remember that men can smell desperation. If you are still reeling from a broken heart, take time off before re-entering the dating pool. Second, remember that sex does not equal love. Do not mistake one for the other. -- JENNIE G. IN MISSOURI

DEAR ABBY: I think the dating guidelines from "20-Something" are tacky and old-fashioned. I have never depended on a man for money, and it's worked out fine for me. When I date, we always split the costs. If I'm broke, I'll ask my date for a loan, and I always pay him back. If he offers to pay, I gently refuse. If he persists, I accept the offer as a gift.

Abby, I do not need anyone to help me with my coat or open doors for me. At 24, I'm old enough to dress myself and strong enough to open doors. I do, however, agree with the sex guideline. If a man can't accept the fact that his date isn't interested in having sex, he should be mature enough to call it quits. -- 24 IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR ABBY: It annoys me that there are women in this world thinking up rules for how to relate to men. I would like to believe that I can think for myself and so can the man I'm dating. I'm an individual with individual ideas and desires. Will the men who read her list of rules conform? I HOPE NOT!

If "20-Something" doesn't want to pay, she should have enough guts to say so up front instead of making a list of rules and expressing her disappointment in men who don't follow them.

Abby, it horrifies me to imagine a world in which everyone acts the same and has the same ideas about how to live. Diversity is essential for human survival. -- 24 IN SAN FRANCISCO

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: As a man who has been dating for years, I'd like to respond to the "Rules for Dating" that you printed from "20-Something in L.A." and her girlfriends:

If "20-Something" and her friends think they're getting shabby treatment from men, maybe it's because they're treating men rather shabbily. Men aren't obligated to treat women like princesses, buy them dinner or take them to a movie. It's a gift a man chooses to give a woman, and she shouldn't take it for granted. -- TOM IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR TOM: That column on "dating rules" generated a barrage of responses (some not fit for a family newspaper) from both men and women of every age group. Today we'll hear from the male readers. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I agree it's a good idea to call days ahead and plan a date, and then call the day before to confirm it, but the woman shouldn't cancel at the last minute. Just because a guy is not an Adonis, Fabio or Donald Trump doesn't mean he's worthless. Once you get to know him, the ugly frog just might turn out to be Prince Charming after all. -- WISEGUY TURNED WISE IN ST. LOUIS

DEAR ABBY: Try not to be rude or cold when turning down a date. Remember, a man puts his self-respect on the line every time he approaches a lady. He's nervous -- just as you would be if you were approaching an attractive man for the first time. -- 30-YEAR-OLD ROMANTIC IN KANSAS CITY

DEAR ABBY: These are the '90s. Many women have excellent careers. Often a woman earns even more than a man does. You can't expect the guy to always be the one to pay. If the girl has not offered to pay for something in the first three dates, we regard that as a sign she is just "marking time" until someone she really likes comes along. -- TWO ANONYMOUS GUYS IN L.A.

DEAR ABBY: If you're asked, "What would you like to do?" the man is not being indecisive -- just courteous. Give honest suggestions. "Whatever you want to do is fine with me" gets old -- quick.

If you're going to dinner -- EAT. If you're not hungry, say so beforehand. What exactly are you trying to show your date by leaving nearly all of a $20-and-up dinner on your plate?

If you go dancing with your date and another man asks you to dance, decline -- even if the other man is better looking.

Men are not mind-readers. Speak up or they won't know. If you like them -- and want to continue dating, etc. -- SAY SO. Three words men really hate to hear: "Couldn't you tell ...?"

If you're going out simply because you don't want to go to dinner, a movie, a wedding, a party, etc. alone, do him a favor: Leave him alone. He's a person, not an escort service. -- OTHER SIDE OF L.A.

DEAR ABBY: Be happy with who you are and what you have. Don't expect a man to make you feel good about yourself. Accept the fact that not everybody is born looking like Cindy Crawford.

Don't play games -- be honest and up-front with us. We like that and deserve at least that much. -- MALE READER IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ABBY: The one-size-fits-all set of dating rules would be a problem for many people. Some men feel insulted when a woman offers to share expenses, while others appreciate it. Some women feel insulted when asked to share expenses, while others wouldn't dream of having men pay their way.

Rather than a fixed set of rules, I suggest a novel approach: TALK ABOUT IT! Communication is essential. Discussing dating etiquette provides a quick insight into the other person's values about money and relationships. It also provides an early test of how easily the two of you can discuss and resolve a difficult issue. -- PSYCHOLOGIST IN BERKELEY

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets I and II, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)