DEAR READERS: Yesterday I printed a letter from an Ohio mother regarding a previously published letter from a "Snoopy Mom" who proudly described searching through her teen-agers' belongings.

Today I'll share a sample of the mail I received from teens. Hang onto your hats! Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am a teen-age male who was infuriated when I read the letter in your column from "Snoopy Mom." I'm willing to bet that if she caught her kids going through her personal belongings, she would lecture them until the sun went down. And you know what she'd be then? A hypocrite! As soon as her teen-agers left the room after telling them that snooping is wrong and that they should respect privacy, she'd start snooping again.

I hope God is on her side, because she is going to need His help if they catch her! –- JEFF IN CHICAGO

DEAR ABBY: There is a difference between invading your children's privacy and noticing if they spend their free time building bombs in the garage. Violating their trust by searching their rooms without justification while they are absent is reprehensible.

A child's diary is a child's diary. In it, a child records innermost feelings and what other kids share in confidence. I'll bet "Mom" wouldn't appreciate it if her kids went through her most private things.

I feel sorry for the children of "Snoopy Mom." They have to spend every day with this callous, irrational, distrusting and insensitive person. She never should have had children if this is how she treats them.

I now realize how fortunate I am that my parents are intelligent enough to respect my privacy and, at the same time, steer me in the right direction. –- RATIONAL 15-YEAR-OLD, BAYSIDE, N.Y.

DEAR RATIONAL: Many teens echoed your feelings. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Conspicuously absent from "Snoopy's" letter were comments on the result of her behavior -– the quality of her relationship with her children. It can't be very good, since her children are probably aware of her atrocious lack of trust, respect and common courtesy. I hope knowing every detail of her children's lives now will make up for this mother's being shut out of their lives when they're older –- JEANA L., AGE 19, IN OHIO

DEAR ABBY: I pity people who feel they must violate their children's trust in order to learn more about their lives. I hope parents understand that once your children learn you do not trust them, they in turn will not trust YOU -– and you'll never be able to rebuild what has been so carelessly destroyed.

Some people may call it "concern," but I call it lack of parenting skills. –- REBECCA (AGE 14) IN WASHINGTON

DEAR ABBY: I realize that parents should know what their children are doing. It's their right to make sure they're not getting into trouble with underage drinking, drugs, premarital sex, etc. But everyone is entitled to at least a little bit of privacy. "Snoopy Mom" gave her children none.

Do her children know she's doing this? Unless she spent a lot of time placing things EXACTLY where they were before, I'm sure they've figured it out! -– TRUSTED TEEN IN TACOMA

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DEAR ABBY: I have been married for four years, and I consider myself a good wife. I take extra care of my husband when he's sick or in pain. I cook for him and clean the house. I practically wait on him hand and foot.

But during the last two years, he has changed in ways that make me feel suspicious and angry. He spends a lot of time with his ex-wife. He buys her roses, chocolates, candy and jewelry. He's never bought me anything like that at all. He quit being intimate with me two years ago. That's when he started his five-hour visits with his ex-wife.

I have had this nagging suspicion that something more is going on between him and his ex. I can't ask him if he's cheating on me. He has a very short fuse. He yells, swears and threatens me. I lost my sense of being assertive after our first year of marriage.

If he doesn't love me, why won't he tell me? Whatever's going on with him has put a terrible strain on my heart. Abby, please help! -– CONFUSED IN SACRAMENTO

DEAR CONFUSED: The relationship you are describing between yourself and your husband is not a marriage; it's indentured servitude. You have been such a good cook, nurse and housekeeper -- and completely nonassertive since the first year of your marriage -- that he doesn't want to lose those services.

When a man sees a woman regularly, and buys her candy, flowers and jewelry, it's safe to assume that something is up. After two years, you have already tolerated more than many women would. Bite the bullet and ask him what's going on with his ex-wife. If he gets ugly again, be ready with an ultimatum, and have his bags packed when you do it.

DEAR ABBY: When I read the letter from "Snoopy Mom," who boasted about how she read her children's diaries, eavesdropped on their telephone calls and searched their belongings, I felt truly sorry for her.

My children, now 27 and 24, never gave me a reason to doubt them. Their belongings, in my opinion, were theirs -– and not for my perusing. Both were very active from early childhood throughout college. Neither ever abused their curfews.

My son was a three-time college All-American -- the first in the history of his college. My daughter was president of her college class. Both graduated, and today enjoy successful careers.

I told them early on that they could enjoy life as long as they did it responsibly. The minute they demonstrated to me that they were not capable of that, their lives would have changed dramatically. I'm glad I never had to make that change! -– PROUD MOM IN OHIO

DEAR PROUD MOM: As I pointed out to "Snoopy Mom," if parents have a legitimate reason to question their child's honesty, it's only common sense to check. However, if teens have proven by their actions that they can be trusted, nosiness is not a legitimate reason to conduct a search.

Predictably, I received bushels of heartfelt letters from teens who were outraged by "Snoopy Mom's" letter. Tomorrow, we'll hear what they had to say.

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DEAR ABBY: I was appalled by the letter written by the retired therapist, "Dr. Howard Bott," who said that a victim of domestic abuse who confides in her friends is somehow responsible for the abuse. His suggestion that somehow the woman named "Sara" was playing a "game" for dramatic effect was unbelievable.

Women who are abused by spouses and significant others believe that they are powerless to stop the cycle of abuse. Friends and family need to show the victim that their love is unconditional, gather information about a "safe plan" from their local victim/witness or women's shelter, and assist her when she's ready to leave the relationship. They also need to be patient with the victim.

Ask any member of my family and they'll tell you it takes a long time for the victim to rebuild that self-esteem and to know she's capable of changing the situation. Our daughter was in a similar relationship for more than seven years. When she finally found the courage to leave, it was too late. He stalked and murdered her.

Please tell your readers that they should NEVER, EVER consider domestic abuse to be a "game." It's not. It has deadly consequences. -– BEEN THERE, SUPERIOR, WIS.

DEAR BEEN THERE: Please accept my sympathy for the tragic loss of your beloved daughter. In recent years, law enforcement and behavioral therapists have become more knowledgeable about the cycle of domestic violence -– and all agree that it is not to be taken lightly. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I was shocked and angered at how much blame "Dr. Bott" placed on "Sara," the victim of domestic abuse.

I dated a young man for more than five years before we finally married. "Mike" had never laid a hand on me. Three weeks into our marriage, he started shoving me into walls, slapping me, dragging me around the house and throwing me down stairs. I believed it was my fault. "If only I had not made him so mad," "maybe if I had a second job so we had more money," "if only I had cleaned the house better," etc. I was convinced that I was a horrible, ugly, stupid human being, and I was too embarrassed to tell family and friends.

The people at work saw through my lies and made me admit what Mike was doing. I cannot describe the relief I felt. These wonderful people never failed to tell me every day that it wasn't my fault, that I needed to leave Mike.

One day I had a terrible bruise on my arm. "Jake" walked over to me, took my hand and told me that of all the people in the world this happens to, it shouldn't be happening to me because I was smart and beautiful. He talked for 10 minutes about what a wonderful person I was. I couldn't stop crying. Abby, no one had ever said anything like that to me.

That night, I went home and suddenly saw Mike for who he really was -– a sorry excuse for a man without a job, who couldn't get his life together, who drank and smoked pot –- and when he became disillusioned with a world he couldn't control, he took it out on me with insults and violence. I left him that night.

This September, Jake and I will celebrate four happy years of marriage with our beautiful 3-year-old son. It took counseling, prayer and love, but I realize that Mike had problems, and what he did to me was inexcusable.

Today, I am the beautiful, smart, confident woman I had always wanted to be. I thank God daily for the angels he sent to help me. Blaming the victims of domestic violence only perpetuates the cycle. Only when we become outraged at the abuser, when we make hitting your partner and your kids inexcusable, will we have a chance to stop this horrible epidemic. -– TRULY BLESSED IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR TRULY BLESSED: Amen!

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