DEAR ABBY: I'm writing on behalf of the residents in my development. We're middle-class citizens who take care of our homes. Our lawns are neat and trimmed and our flower beds are weeded. Our "stuff" is kept in garages, sheds or in our homes.

Last summer a new family moved into our neighborhood. They bought the first house you see when you enter our main street. Abby, the place is a mess! "Stuff" is all over the place (piles of junk left out over the winter). To their credit, a shed was started, but it was blown down after a few days and now the lumber just lies there.

Since their property backs up to the main road, they don't bother driving around the block to park –- they drive through the yard! The tire ruts are now evident, and it detracts from our well-kept lawns. We can only imagine what has happened to property values. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. –- DUMPED ON IN DELAWARE

DEAR DUMPED ON: I agree that if their property has become an eyesore, it could affect the value of other homes in the neighborhood. Inquire at City Hall whether or not there are codes or ordinances in place that restrict homeowners from leaving junk on their lawns. Then ask the offenders if they might like some help in cleaning up their yard, and offer to lend a hand. Perhaps some of the other neighbors would also like to help.

If that doesn't work, you and the rest of the property owners should consider starting a neighborhood association that will have some clout. And, of course, consult a lawyer who specializes in real estate law.

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Jewish in Cincinnati," who offered a litany of ways in which Christians broadcast their religious beliefs.

He or she should move to metropolitan New York where entire malls are closed every Sunday because of "blue laws," and stores are closed on Saturdays because of strict Jewish beliefs. I give all of the aforementioned credit for honoring God. However, when "Jewish in Cincinnati" complains about Christmas music blaring from October to January, let's not confuse Christianity with consumerism. Half those offending stores and malls may not even be owned by Christians.

I grew up in an inner-city neighborhood in a small stretch of houses situated between a synagogue and a Jewish school. Every one of our neighbors had a strong sense of tolerance and caring. My grandma traded her Italian pastries with our Jewish neighbor for her delicious cheesecake. We manned the candy store, without thought of repayment, on high holy days for our Jewish neighbor. On Friday nights, my dad always turned off the lights at the synagogue.

It seems to me that we were more understanding and tolerant in years past. What are we really learning from Kosovo, or even Littleton, Colo.? So a comedian or celebrity needs to tell people he's Jewish. So what? It's his shtick! In the meantime, if you're traveling through Hashbrouck Heights, N.J., at Christmastime, you'll see my Roman Catholic church decorated with a nativity scene and a menorah. I think that's what makes America great! – ROMAN CATHOLIC IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR ROMAN CATHOLIC: I agree, and it harkens back to a gentler time when America pictured itself more a melting pot and less a patchwork quilt. The world would be a more hospitable place if attitudes were more inclusive and less exclusive. I'm reminded of the song lyric, "What the world needs now is love." (End of sermon.)

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DEAR ABBY: After one miscarriage and three years of infertility treatments, my husband and I are expecting twins. While I should be excited about this news, I'm not -- for two reasons.

I have a great relationship with my mother, who has agreed to come and help when the babies are born in September. My husband's sister and family, who live out of town, are also thinking about coming to visit at that time. While I love my sister-in-law dearly, I don't know that I will feel up to entertaining her family while trying to adjust to being not only a new mom but a new mom of twins. My husband has asked that I not alienate his family, but all I can think about is how tired and stressed I will be trying to adjust to the new lifestyle.

My second dilemma is my mother-in-law. She's a very pessimistic and paranoid woman whose family has allowed her to control every family situation. She never smiles, can't find the joy in living, and tries to tell others how they should live their lives. I've asked my husband why he and his sister allow her to act this way. He says they've tried talking to her, but all she does is cry.

Abby, my mother-in-law is already providing me with unsolicited advice on how to take care of myself. I can just imagine what kind of unsolicited child-rearing advice I'll get when the children are born.

I don't want to alienate my husband's family, but under the circumstances I find it hard not to. Any advice? -– DREADING SEPTEMBER

DEAR DREADING: Accept the fact that your mother-in-law is trying to show her love and concern for you, so smile, nod and tune her out. Once the twins arrive, assure her that they are under the care of an excellent pediatrician –- and you'll mention her suggestions to the doctor to be sure they don't conflict with the medical advice you are already receiving.

As for your sister-in-law, tell her sweetly that you would LOVE to see her –- perhaps during the holidays -– after you have regained your strength and you and the babies have a firmly established schedule. To do so is not "alienating her" –- it's asserting your right to recover from the delivery.

DEAR ABBY: I'd like to comment on the letter from the person who wrote that as a hostess she was taken aback, stunned and hurt when her intended guest asked her what foods she would be serving at dinner.

As a certified etiquette consultant for 10 years, let me say that it is actually the host's responsibility, when inviting first-time guests to dinner, to ask when issuing the invitation, "Is there anything you cannot eat?" The guest can then respond accordingly. It is not necessary for either one to mention allergies, foods restricted by culture or religions, dislikes for certain foods, dieting to lose weight, etc.

The hostess can then plan the menu by not using the foods mentioned. This eliminates any surprises or embarrassment when the guests are already seated at the dining table. –- MARGIT ERICKSON, PROTOCOL/ETIQUETTE CONSULTANTS, NORTHVILLE, MICH.

DEAR MARGIT: Your suggestion makes good sense, and I'm sure will be appreciated by more prospective hosts and hostesses than we can count.

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DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I eloped last January. We arranged for a minister, rented the tux, got the gown, printed 300 announcements, and told everyone we were going on "vacation." We planned it for months and told no one. I'm 31 years old and had never been married. After the ceremony, we mailed the announcements and went about enjoying our honeymoon.

We returned home to a house full of gifts and well wishes. Both sets of parents were very pleased, and everyone couldn't have been more supportive -- except for two people. Ironically, they are the twosome who introduced us, my husband's friend "Morris" and his live-in girlfriend, "Doris."

They are no longer speaking to my husband and me because they are hurt that they were excluded from our plans. They feel we betrayed them and claim we lied and deceived them.

A few nights before we left for Florida, my husband was out with the "guys." Morris pulled him aside and flat-out asked him if we were going away to get married. Because our plans were private and not meant to be shared until after we returned from our trip, my husband told him "no."

I hate to lose a friendship over something like this. Do you think we were obligated to tell them our plans? -- WONDERING IN WILMINGTON, DEL.

DEAR WONDERING: No, I do not. Just because Morris and Doris introduced you does not mean they own you as a couple. You were not obligated to reveal your plans to elope.

DEAR ABBY: I am an 81-year-old male senior citizen and would like to comment on the letter that mentioned nude beaches. I am very familiar with them and also with nudist camps.

Nudism must be good for the eyesight because I have never seen a blind nudist. A nudist camp is where married couples air their differences and, when they disagree, they barely speak. As a matter of fact, one married couple broke up because they were seeing too much of each other.

Did you know that nudists peel first and get sunburned afterward?

A lawyer joined a nudist colony, and he hasn't had a suit since. One nudist was picked up as a suspect, but the police had to let him go because they couldn't pin anything on him.

I visited a nudist colony one time and, as I drove in, I stripped my gears. The only other time I had anything to do with nudism was when I stayed at a nudist lodge. (I think it was called the Bareskin Lodge.) There were no clothes closets and all of the rooms had sudden exposure. It was a short vacation. I was soon asked to leave because my breath came in short pants. -- ED BENDER, ROCHESTER, PA.

DEAR ED: That's better than being asked to leave for displaying your shortcomings.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY: "A man who works with his hands is a laborer; a man who works with his hands and his brain is a craftsman; but a man who works with his hands and his brain and his heart is an artist." -- Louis Nizer, American lawyer (1902-1994).

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)