DEAR ABBY: I am 19 and work two jobs. One of them is with a small title company. When I started, I was promised a raise after a few weeks of training. I have not seen that raise. I am considering asking for it, but I'm shy when it comes to this sort of thing.

Abby, what would be the easiest and most effective way to ask without losing my job? -- SHY AND BROKE IN LOUISIANA

DEAR SHY: Compile a list of the reasons you feel you deserve a raise, then ask your boss or supervisor for an appointment to talk. People who ask for what they deserve are respected, so do not be shy about asking for the raise you were promised.

The list will enable you to show your boss or supervisor why you think your salary should be increased. It will open the door for a discussion about your performance, and allow both of you to evaluate your strengths and any areas in which you need to improve.

Consider this another step on the road to maturity. If you are an asset to the company, you should be treated like one.

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to a recent letter regarding the need to carry identification in case of an emergency.

My husband is an avid runner. He never used to carry ID because he said it was inconvenient. I felt that it was an unsafe practice, and finally came up with a solution he could live with. Whenever I order ID tags for our dogs, I order one for my husband. I put as much pertinent information on it as possible, including his name, phone number and an emergency number at work.

He jokes that I put "property of" on the tag, too, but he does agree that it's a good idea. He laces the tag into his shoelaces. It's lightweight, soundless and reflective. He never forgets it because it's a permanent part of his shoe from the very first run. It's an inexpensive way to protect him in the event of an injury. Perhaps others might benefit from our idea. -- KATIE SPICER, CHALFONT, PA.

DEAR KATIE: You have hit upon a clever solution to a common problem, and I congratulate you on your ingenuity. I'm sure your idea of adapting dog tags will appeal to runners and walkers who are reluctant to carry any "excess baggage" with them.

DEAR ABBY: I want to divorce my husband but I don't know how to tell him. We have been arguing too much, and it's affecting my studies in college. I strongly suspect that he's having an affair and feeling guilty about it because he stays out late. How late? you might ask. Try 4 o'clock in the morning! Also, our sex life has decreased to only two or three times a month.

We have been married for three years, and in the first three months of our marriage, he had an affair with the woman he left for me. Like an idiot, I took him back, thinking I could trust him. Now I have my doubts. I don't know what to do. Please help me, Abby. -- UNCOUPLING IN OREGON

DEAR UNCOUPLING: Tell your husband exactly what you have told me. Offer him the option of marriage counseling. If he refuses -- since there are no children to complicate matters -- I suggest you talk to a lawyer.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets I and II, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL. 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I worked for civil rights in the '60s. My 10-year-old daughter grew up in a racially mixed church, a racially mixed neighborhood and a racially mixed school. She has studied the history of slavery, Hitler, and other examples of what bigotry can do to a society, a country and the world. I have taught her from a very young age that bigotry is wrong, period. At the tender age of 10, she has already lost friends because she will not tolerate racist remarks. I have patiently tried to explain why racism was tolerated in the past in various societies.

A few days ago my daughter asked me a question I could not answer. "Mom, why is it OK to be a racist if you're black?" She went on to cite examples of racist remarks at her school, in the media, by politicians and on TV.

As I thought about it, she is correct. Today's America does tolerate, and in a few cases, even encourages blacks to be racist against whites. We wonder why there is violence in our schools. We despair over the white supremacist movement. We call for closer family support and guidance. Why do we not cry out against racism wherever it may be found? How can we move forward as a country, as a world, if we have not learned by our mistakes?

Please, Abby, help me out here! What can I tell her? -- MY KID'S MOM

DEAR MOM: Let's not point the finger only at black Americans. Bigotry is alive and well in EVERY community because it seems that some people have a need to feel "superior."

Explain to your daughter that racism cannot be wiped out by decree. Its demise must come from the realization that we have more things in common than we do superficial differences such as skin color or a foreign-sounding accent.

DEAR ABBY: "Glad I Tried, Joliet, Ill." wondered if her dying mother heard her say "I love you" during the last stages of life.

Abby, she should be consoled by something all hospice volunteers learn during their excellent and professional training: Hearing is the last sense to fade. It is very likely that her mother heard her last message although her mother was unable to acknowledge it. -- JOHN R. BUTLER, ROGERS, ARK.

DEAR JOHN: Thank you for your comforting words to "Glad I Tried." Within the last year or so, I read an account of a woman who was in a coma for many years. She testified that although she could not communicate, she heard everything that was said to her during those years.

I believe that a number of studies have revealed that patients hear far more in an unconscious state than most of us ever suspected they could. That's why physicians encourage the families of trauma patients to read to them, play music for them and, above all, to talk to them.

CONFIDENTIAL TO "CAN'T FORGIVE HER IN IDAHO": Perhaps these words will help you begin to rebuild your friendship. "He that cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself; for every man has need to be forgiven." -- Thomas Fuller.

Give it a try -- you'll be glad you did.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Thanks for printing the letter reminding us of the importance of Flag Day and for urging Americans to fly Old Glory. As I read it, I wondered if your readers knew that by contacting their senator or congressman, they can get a flag for as little as $7.50 -- the actual cost of the flag -- plus $4 for shipping. They can even have it flown over the U.S. Capitol and have that event commemorated with a personalized certificate.

Regardless of where they get their flag, however, I wanted to join with your patriotic correspondent in urging Americans to take pride in our nation by displaying an American flag. Yours respectfully, U.S. SEN. PHIL GRAMM, WASHINGTON, D.C.

DEAR SENATOR GRAMM: The fact that people can purchase flags at cost (plus shipping charges) from their legislators in Washington was news to me. Batten down the hatches -- because I'm sure that offer will interest a lot of people.

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to the bald man from Fort Lauderdale who sweeps his hair over his bald spot and bugs his wife with the foot-long flag of hair streaming in the breeze when they go boating.

I have barbered for 49 years and don't claim to be an expert, but have learned a little along the way. We all have customers with special requests and try to honor them. That head of hair could and should be cut so that no matter which way it is combed or not combed -- or windblown -- it would not be a problem.

I produce some haircuts just like that one, because that is what the customer asks for and he is paying the bill, but don't ask me to autograph the work as an artist who is proud.

"Baldy" has one good thing going for him. His wife is sick of his denial, and he should take her advice. His problem is in his head and not ON it. Winding a flag of hair over your head is like wearing a sign telling the world you are bald. -- WILLARD M. KERK, CHAPPELL, NEB.

DEAR WILLARD: I'm printing your letter because there's no denying that when it comes to hair, you are an expert. But if I see one more letter about baldness, I'll curl up and dye. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: In response to your recent column about a husband who attempts to cover his baldness with a comb-over:

Perhaps we could form a support group for balding men and call it "United Hairlines." -- WADE KNIGHT, JUNCTION CITY, KAN.

DEAR ABBY: I've had a best friend for nine years. (I'll call her Christy.) She's always been there when I needed her, but here's the problem: She flirts with most of the guys I'm interested in.

Last month I found a guy that I really like. We hang out all the time. I've come to find out that Christy's also interested in him. She never even told me! I had to find out from someone else. He also has the same feelings toward her. He and I are still friends, but I really don't want to have anything to do with Christy anymore. She knew for about a month that I liked him a lot, but she went after him anyway! What do you think about this best friend's behavior? -- MELLISA IN THE SUNSHINE STATE

DEAR MELLISA: With friends like Christy, you don't need any enemies! But it may not be HER fault that he's more attracted to her than he is to you, and one person does not "own" another person. "All is fair in love and war" -- and this is a combination of both.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)