DEAR ABBY: Your response to "Lucky in Connecticut," whose doctor failed to notify her of abnormal pap smears (for three years!) was inappropriate. You told her that in these days of managed care, doctors are seeing many more patients than they used to, and many of them expect their patients to be more sophisticated and responsible for their health than a generation ago. You further advised her to take the initiative and call the doctor for test results instead of waiting for notification.

Abby, it IS the physician's responsibility to notify the patient about an abnormal test result. I know some MDs who tell their patients to call for results, but I (and most other physicians) disagree. I tell my patients I'll call them about an ABNORMAL pap. If it's a normal report, they'll receive a card by mail -- and if they haven't heard anything by three weeks, they're to call me to find out why. You should not have made "Lucky" feel guilty that she didn't call for her report. She did not fail in her responsibility as a patient.

Thank you for letting me have my say. Your column is great! -- ANDREW JAMIESON, M.D., BUTTE, MONT.

DEAR DR. JAMIESON: My response to "Lucky" was meant to encourage women to take responsibility for calling their doctors if they had not received test results in a reasonable amount of time. I agree that when a doctor performs tests, it is the doctor's responsibility to inform the patient of the results -- and an irresponsible doctor should be held accountable. However, in today's chaotic health-care environment, we all need to be more aware of our personal medical needs and insist on good care. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I have a bit of advice I'd like to give to "Lucky in Connecticut." KEEP YOUR OWN HEALTH FILE. After every visit to the doctor for a complete physical, pap smear, mammogram, ultrasound, MRI, etc., ask -- no, TELL your doctor that you want a copy of the results. It is your right! You'll probably have to sign a waiver, that's all. Then compare your test results from visit to visit. It is amazing what you can learn from your blood panel results.

Abby, you were right when you said there is an overwhelming ratio of patients to doctors. Patients must ask questions. That is also their right. Of course, all of us want our doctors to treat us as though we are their one and only patient. Unfortunately, we must lower the pedestal we once had them on to a more realistic level. We cannot put all our faith in them -- we must help them out.

Oh, by the way, patients should make sure the names on the test result forms are THEIRS. Here's a little incident that happened to me: Last February, I was admitted for major surgery (a complete hysterectomy). I was next on the list, and a young woman called my last name. We sat at her desk and she said, "Have you ever been here before for this surgery?" "No," I replied, "if I had, I wouldn't be here now." She said, "Oh, you'd be surprised. Some people come back three or four times." I said, "You're kidding!" She said, "No."

We both looked at each other with that quizzical look and I said, "What's the first name on that form?" The first names were different, of course. The person whose file was in her hands was going to have FOOT surgery! Could you imagine? My middle name was about to become "Ooops!"

I have kept my own file now for about 15 years and only wish I had started sooner. I guess my middle name back then was "Naive." -- INFORMED NOW IN WEST BLOOMFIELD HILLS, MICH.

DEAR INFORMED: That's a valuable suggestion, and all that's required is taking the initiative.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR TEEN-AGERS -– AND IF YOU WHO ARE READING THIS ARE BEYOND YOUR TEENS, CLIP IT AND GIVE IT TO A YOUNG PERSON. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Yesterday, my family and I laid my father to rest. He was a mere 57 years old, but fell victim to lung and brain cancer because he was unable to overcome his addiction to cigarettes. Although not a heavy chain-smoker, he did smoke nearly every day for more than 40 years. It was not until a quadruple bypass in 1996 that my father quit smoking.

Unfortunately, by then the foundation had been laid for further complications. My father was diagnosed with lung cancer in 1998 and underwent successful, but complicated, lung surgery that July. He was steadily improving, even talking of returning to work, when it was revealed on Feb. 22, 1999, that the cancer had metastasized to his brain and left lung. Dad lived another 22 days.

I write this letter not from the perspective of a grieving son who will forever miss his father, but in response to an article I read in USA Today shortly after my father's funeral. The front-page article highlighted the increase in tobacco usage among college students across the country, with cigarette smoking at its highest for this age group in the last 20 years.

I address this letter to all those young men and women who will face the same challenge my father faced in trying to quit. Cigarettes cost him his life. I know the trauma; I've seen the scars, both physical and emotional, that cigarettes left on my father and on my family. I spent nearly every day with my dad during the last 22 days of his life. I watched his strength, balance, mental capacity, mobility and communication skills diminish before my eyes.

I will forever cherish the time I spent with my father throughout my life, and will be forever indebted to him for all he gave to me. I can only hope that one day I will be the kind of father that he was. He told me, just 10 days before he was taken into God's hands, that his only regret was that he started smoking as a teen-ager. He knew it had cost him his life.

I hope you'll print this, Abby, and that I'm able to convince just one person to take the necessary steps to "kick the habit." I do not wish upon any person the pain and suffering I saw my father endure and succumb to as a result of the cancer he developed from smoking. -– SEAN W. KING, PORTERVILLE, CALIF.

DEAR SEAN: Please accept my condolences for the loss of your father. I'm glad you wrote, because I'm sure your words of warning will make many people of all ages stop and think before lighting up. We all know that using tobacco in any form is hazardous to our health. It causes cancer of the mouth, tongue, throat, lung, pancreas and bladder, as well as heart disease and emphysema.

My male readers tell me that they started smoking as teen-agers to "prove" they were "a man." It's ironic that 30 years later they try to quit for the same reason! I hear from women that they smoke to control their weight. I recently attended the funeral of a lovely young woman who was a good friend. She lost weight, all right (by smoking) -– but she also lost her life.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: This is for "Pestered Wife in Phoenix," whose 68-year-old husband had a penile implant and now wants sex four or five times a week, when once a week is all she can handle.

I was a "pestered" wife for many years, until it occurred to me to turn my head around and temporarily become an insatiable sex kitten. I became the one to make the first move as soon as the lights went out. If I awoke in the middle of the night, I made a move that produced the desired effect while he slept -- and made insistent demands against his sleepy protests.

Please assure "Pestered" that it will take only about two weeks before her aging stud starts feigning sleep before the lights go out. It worked for me. -- ANOTHER WIFE IN PHOENIX

DEAR WIFE: I hope "Pestered" sees your remedy and finds it helpful. (It may require her to start napping in the afternoon, but she has nothing to lose.) It would be terrific if the couple could work out a compromise other than sending him to visit the widow next door, which I'm convinced would be the beginning of the end of her marriage. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: This letter is for "Pestered," who was willing to let her friend have sex with her husband because he wanted more than she wanted to give, and her friend was a widow in need. She said she wasn't afraid of losing her husband because her friend wasn't very good-looking and was a terrible cook.

You advised her that if she allowed her husband and friend to start "cooking in the bedroom," she might be surprised to find he'd be less preoccupied with what was coming out of the kitchen. You also reminded her that Benjamin Franklin said, "All cats are gray in the dark."

Your advice was right on the money. For a woman who has lived 65 years, "Pestered" is very naive. I'm finally divorcing my spouse after 25 years of marriage because of his countless affairs. Beauty was not a priority to him. His only criteria for cheating was a ready and willing partner. Their talent in the kitchen had nothing to do with it, and he was getting plenty of sex at home.

Sign me, soon to be ... FREE AT LAST

DEAR FREE AT LAST: It takes courage to end a marriage after 25 years, even if the spouse is a compulsive cheater or a sex addict, as your husband obviously was. Permit me to offer you my good wishes; I predict your self-esteem will skyrocket.

DEAR ABBY: I recently met the woman of my dreams. She replied to a personal ad that I placed on AOL. She's everything I ever wanted in a woman and more. We've been discussing marriage in the year 2000, and I am probably going to have my dad as my best man. He's been there for me when I needed him, and he's never really acted like a "dad."

Is it a good idea that I have my father as my best man at my wedding? -- CHAD IN LAKE ST. LOUIS, MO.

DEAR CHAD: I wouldn't call it a "good" idea -- I'd call it a GREAT idea. I'm sure he'll be thrilled when you ask him because it's high praise indeed.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)