DEAR ABBY: Why do people assume that happiness comes only with a relationship or marriage? I am a 24-year-old, happy, successful mother who enjoys the single life. I loved my son's father very much but things did not work out for us, and he hasn't been around for three years. I work at least 50 hours a week at my dream job, and enjoy my evening and weekend time with my 5-year-old son.

However, everywhere I go I hear how I "need" someone, or people ask how I can stand to sleep alone every night. (I love it!) I have been told by men wanting a relationship that it is "unnatural" to prefer being single and that my son "needs" a father.

Abby, my son is well-adjusted and has a grandpa and two uncles he spends a lot of time with. My parents have a wonderful loving marriage after 34 years, and I think that's great, but it is also unusual in this day and age. I may marry someday, but right now I'm enjoying the time with my son and an occasional date. Why can't people understand that? -- ALONE AND LOVING IT IN MISSOURI

DEAR ALONE: Many people feel they need someone else to make them "complete." Obviously, you are a strong and fulfilled individual in your own right, and you should not have to explain or defend your choice to anyone.

DEAR ABBY: I am a clergyman, and over the course of my 32 years in ministry, I have officiated at hundreds of weddings. I can't tell you the number of times the bride has gotten tangled up in her wedding gown, or tripped up the aisle or lost her veil. Some of them appear so awkward, and it's sad to see them floundering around in billows of fabric.

As the wedding season is upon us, may I suggest that bridal shops give brides some pointers about the dress they will wear. There must be techniques they can learn for their important day so they don't end up looking so silly. And is it possible for brides to practice at home so that they learn how to maneuver the dress? -- REVEREND IN N.J.

DEAR REVEREND: Those are good suggestions. Brides should practice walking in their gowns and bridal slippers. It will give them confidence and possibly prevent embarrassment or an injury.

DEAR ABBY: My father died 20 years ago. During his final illness my mother purchased two side-by-side cemetery plots in the town in which I grew up. My mother still lives there, although some of us kids have moved out of state.

I am writing because after 20 years, my father still does not have a gravestone. As a veteran, he got a military marker, but that's not a gravestone, and it's sinking into the ground. Since Mom is still with us, is the gravestone any of my business? (She has not remarried.) I have kept my mouth shut for almost two decades now, but I feel this is disrespectful to my father. Money to buy a gravestone is not a problem for Mom or for us children. Any suggestions? -- R.I.P'D OFF IN WALLA WALLA, WASH.

DEAR R.I.P.'D: Since your mother is still with you, discuss your feelings with her. It may be the result of gross procrastination, or a grave oversight.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am having a struggle with my parents. I am 25 years old and still living at home.

I started seeing a man about a year ago. My parents objected to this for many reasons. He is 12 years older than I am, and they say his limited educational background could bring me down socially, which would lead to a thousand other problems. They seemed to be very concerned about how we would be perceived as a "couple." Neither of these things has been an issue for this man or for me.

Well, my father began placing restrictions on the amount of time I spent with this man. I had to be home by 12:30, and if I wasn't, my parents would track me down via cell phone. I could not go to this man's apartment because what would people say? I finally got fed up and reminded my parents that I'm an adult, capable of making my own decisions.

Abby, I have always been there for my family, always sacrificed my time for all of them. I went to college to uphold the family name and made something of myself so the family would be proud of me. Now I don't know what to do.

I love this man and want to see if we have a future. I see no harm in testing the water. But my parents are impossibly stubborn, and once they believe they are right, it would take an act of God to change their minds. I know it's hard for parents to let go, but I feel they won't even give me the benefit of the doubt. I would welcome any advice you can offer. -- HURTING IN ILLINOIS

DEAR HURTING: Since you still live with your parents, in their eyes you are still answerable to them. Of course, children (even adults) should respect their parents, but in your case, they are trying to run your life. At 25, you do not need your parents' permission to date a man, and you must establish your independence regardless of who you eventually choose to marry. It's time to consider moving out.

DEAR ABBY: I had to write, in the hope that you can help to solve a growing national problem. I took my 11-year-old son to a ballgame recently. We had a wonderful time except for one very unpleasant thing. Four grown men (who appeared to be about 50 years old) sat in front of us. They were swearing so much I had to confront them. What I said to them, and what I would like to say to all the other adults out there is, "If we expect better behavior from our children, we should behave better ourselves."

It makes me angry to see adults behave so inappropriately. I miss the days when a man would be mortified to discover that he'd used such vulgar words in front of women and children.

I hope you'll print this, Abby. Maybe it will change at least some people's behavior. Feel free to use my name, because I'm proud to be a responsible adult who cares about all kids, not just my own, and I'm not afraid to speak on their behalf. -- MAGGIE ROSE, EDMONDS, WASH.

DEAR MAGGIE: I'm sure the vast majority of parents will applaud your effort. And for the rest, readers, if this is you -- please, for the sake of the children, sanitize your language when you are in public.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: "Every gun that is made, every warship that is launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. ... This is not a way of life at all in any true sense. Under the cloud of war, it is humanity hanging on a cross of iron." -- Dwight D. Eisenhower, April 16, 1953

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a woman for two months. "Sally" seems like a great match for me in a lot of ways. She has all of the qualities that I look for, and I can see a future with her. We're taking things slow because she's in the middle of a divorce and also for the reason I am about to relate.

For the past three years I have been spending time with several children with HIV/AIDS. I take them out weekly to parks, movies, etc., and visit them in the hospital when they're sick. Some of their parents passed away or are sick, so it is important that they have a "big brother" to make them feel special and expose them to different things.

Sally is a very caring person and respects what I do, but she's scared to death to be intimate with me because she thinks I am at risk of getting the virus myself and then she would get it. She read that you can get HIV through saliva. I take precautions when I'm with the children, and if they get cut, I have gloves and bandages with me at all times.

I am going to ask Sally to consult with some experts on the disease, and then I thought I'd write to you to see what you think. If she can't get over this fear, we may both miss out on what could be something special. -- "BILLYBOB" IN N.J.

DEAR "BILLYBOB": One cannot get AIDS from spending time with children with AIDS. Insist that Sally talk to a doctor with you so that she can put this fear to rest.

DEAR ABBY: I hope it's not too late to offer a suggestion to "Looking for Privacy," whose in-laws copied their house key and used it as they saw fit. DO NOT key the locks on all your doors alike. With an attached garage, I changed the lock on only the garage side door and gave that key to my in-laws to keep. However, they do not have the key to get into my home from the garage; I leave that door unlocked only if I EXPECT them.

Sound controlling? Perhaps, but I realized that if my mother-in-law had no qualms about barging into our bedroom and jumping into our bed (so we could all snuggle and watch TV), there were no measures too extreme to ensure our privacy from some people. The intrusions into our privacy forced me to face the fact that this type of situation only gets worse with time. I love my in-laws, but any attempt to gently discuss this type of subject resulted only in wounded feelings. Some people just don't "get it," so do what you have to do. -- MRS. JONES, ANYWHERE, U.S.A.

DEAR MRS. JONES: No need to apologize or to discuss it. Your thinking is A-OK.

DEAR ABBY: What do you say to people when they are nosy enough to ask, "Isn't it about time you had kids?" if you aren't planning on having any? -- ON THE SPOT, SAUK RAPIDS, MINN.

DEAR ON THE SPOT: You don't have to answer every question that is asked. Just tune them out. If it was any of their business, they would KNOW!

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)