DEAR READERS: Several years ago, Richard J. Kent, a retired colonel who served in the U.S. Air Force, sent me a poem he'd written as a tribute to his father. I have kept it in my book of special treasures. Today I'm sharing it in honor of fathers, stepfathers and grandfathers everywhere. Read on:

A BELATED GRACE

by Richard J. Kent, Springfield, Va.

Make me half the man my father was

And I'll know that I've been blest.

Give me half his courage and loving care

And a kingdom I'll possess.

When I was young and foolish

I heard but I didn't hear

His words of wisdom, his sound advice,

The need to persevere.

When I grew older and wiser,

I saw what I hadn't seen:

His strength to cope with adversity

And do it with dignity.

No need for the Ten Commandments

When I came to a fork in the road.

I had only to think what he would have done

And again, he'd carry my load.

Make me half the father to my two sons

As the father he was to me

And I know that I will rest at peace

Throughout eternity.

DEAR ABBY: Your columns about random acts of kindness prompt this letter. I'd like to tell you about some people I'll never forget.

I was taking the train to Oklahoma from Chicago for my Christmas vacation during World War II. I stood on the platform while all the servicemen boarded, and soon the train was packed. The conductor leaned out, announced, "There is no room for you!" and closed the door. I was standing in the snow and it was getting dark, and all I could think of was, "Will I ever get home?"

Then a couple of the cooks leaned out of the dining car and said I could ride with them. They had such wonderful smiles and laughs. They pulled me up, put an apron on me, and sat me beside a big, warm, pot-bellied stove. After they had served everyone else, they cooked a wonderful meal for me. It was so much fun.

When we arrived in St. Louis, they took my luggage and we ran through all the steam until we found the train going to Oklahoma. I'll never forget them, and think of them often. -- ANN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ANN: You must be a person "of a certain age" to remember train travel when the industry was in its glory. Those were wonderful times.

The dining car staff was generous to take you under their wing, and you probably received better service than any other passenger.

DEAR ABBY: I recently saw a celebrity actually show his bare backside on a daytime talk show.

If this is called "mooning," what is it called when a woman lifts up her blouse and shows her bare breasts? -- CURIOUS IN BRADFORD, VT.

DEAR CURIOUS: Exhibitionism!

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my second husband, "Jack," for six years. We have two children. One is my son "Tommy" by a previous relationship. The other is our 3-year-old daughter, "Elizabeth." (Tommy's birth father has never been a part of his life.)

The problem is, Jack treats Tommy differently from the way he treats Elizabeth. He chastises Tommy when the TV is too loud, when he slams the door (I don't often consider it a slam), and rarely wants to spend any money on Tommy for haircuts, shoes, clothes, etc. If Elizabeth does any of the above, he doesn't "hear" it. If I buy something for our daughter, he seems content with it. He rarely has conversations with Tommy unless he's correcting him. A neighbor even noticed this and mentioned it to me.

If I try to discuss the situation, Jack becomes defensive and denies it, and the conversation ends. One day we did clear the air, and he said that Tommy is a constant reminder of my past relationship. Abby, Jack is the only father my son has ever known, and Tommy loves him. I don't want Tommy treated differently because of my life history -- he has done nothing wrong.

What's ironic is that Jack used to criticize one of his relatives because she treated her stepson differently from her own. I see the early stages of this in my husband. -- HEARTBROKEN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Since your husband has finally admitted that there's a problem, now is the time to take the initiative. Tell him that his behavior is extremely unfair and that you can no longer tolerate it because it's psychologically damaging to your son. Ask your physician for a referral to a family counselor who can straighten out your husband's thinking and help Tommy rebuild his self-esteem. If your husband refuses to cooperate, go to the counselor yourself, and take your son.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of two years just broke up with me. He said he wants to date other people.

Abby, he has been a part of my life for two years and he's my best friend in all the world. I know that time heals all wounds, but how can I be around him when I still love him so dearly? He still wants to see me, and I wouldn't ever think of throwing our friendship away. But being around him, I can't help but think of how much I love him. Any coping tips? -- BROKENHEARTED, LAKE FOREST, ILL.

DEAR BROKENHEARTED: It's next to impossible to be close to someone who has rejected you and not bleed. Therefore, I would recommend at least a short "recess" in this friendship. Wear a heavy rubber band loosely around one wrist. Every time you get depressing thoughts of him, snap the rubber band. The pain in your wrist will distract you from the pain in your heart.

Face it: Getting over a romance is like quitting smoking. Although it's traumatic, "cold turkey" is the most effective and least painful way to do it. If you sneak a puff here, and sneak a puff there, you'll never get the nicotine out of your system.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: You missed the mark on your advice to the bald boater's wife. Her husband doesn't need a video to show him that he's bald. He knows it, and would probably regard a video shoved in his face as another disparaging insult that we bald guys are used to.

Abby, his wife should be supportive, positive and encouraging. From the tone of her letter, it appears her approach has been the opposite. I can almost hear her saying, "Your hair looks terrible that way." A more positive approach might help him feel more comfortable about trying a more realistic solution to his baldness. Perhaps she should say, "Honey, I think you'd look very sexy in a buzz cut."

I had a "comb-over" years ago. It got to the point that it was inconvenient to style, difficult to keep in place and ineffective to the point of looking ridiculous. I was aware that it didn't produce the effect I wanted, but I mistakenly thought it was better than nothing.

Finally, after I read a poll in which women named the sexiest man on television, I accepted the fact that there's nothing wrong with being bald. Do you know who they chose? Patrick Stewart, the totally bald captain who starred in "Star Trek, The Next Generation"! (He's also a much-admired Shakespearean actor.) The compassion, poise, strength and charm he conveyed were more meaningful to female viewers than his lack of hair. If a man possesses those qualities, his hair (or lack thereof) will seem trivial to those who matter to him. -- NO HAIR, NOOO PROBLEM, CARY, ILL.

DEAR NO HAIR, NOOO PROBLEM: Off the top of my head, I can think of three other much-admired bald actors: Robert Duvall, Louis Gossett Jr. and Hector Elizando. If I put on my thinking cap, I'm sure I could come up with others.

Currently, bald is "in," and many men shave their heads to acquire what nature gives to a lucky few. Luxurious locks are NOT a requirement for love, happiness and success, so guys, if you're uncomfortable with options such as transplants or styling, forget bad "fixes." Embrace the slogan "Bald is beautiful" -- and flaunt it.

DEAR ABBY: When it comes to hair, as with most things, there's a distinct double standard between men and women. Women feel it's their place to be critical of men who try to make the most of what hair they have by combing it over their bald or thinning pates. This despite the fact that women spend millions annually on wigs, falls, rats, wiglets and various sorts of hair extenders. Shame on them.

What if a man were to tell his wife, "Dear, why don't you throw away all those bleaches, dyes, lotions and curlers? I'd still love you if you let your hair go thin and stringy and gray." Why should women persist in living in a state of denial? As you say, facing the problem head on and dealing with it is a better solution.

Yeah. RIGHT! -- COMBS OVER IN EVERETT, WASH.

DEAR COMBS OVER: At the risk of appearing contentious, I'm for anything that WORKS. The problem with most comb-overs is they are obvious. A male reader put it very well: "It took me a long time to realize that what women find attractive are men who are relaxed and comfortable about who they are. Once I realized that, I cut my hair short and my wife thinks it's wonderful."

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