DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from "Still Steaming in S.F.," I have to wonder what kind of a man "John" is to have allowed his fiancee to be publicly snubbed at his law partner's dinner party.

"Steaming" should think twice about marrying someone who would do nothing in a situation of this sort, and if she does decide to go through with it, she should exclude the law partner and his wife from the wedding. If she does relent and invite them, the invitation should be addressed to the husband only.

Abby, a marriage should and must come before any business arrangement. If it doesn't, beware the future. It will be filled with similar "snubs" and a husband who sacrifices his life partner's feelings in favor of his working partners'. -- BEEN THERE

DEAR BEEN THERE: Although the fiance could have been more sensitive to the treatment "Steaming" was receiving, I'm not sure the incident is a dire preview of her future with the man. The hostess showed appalling bad manners. However, I do not agree that "Steaming" should stoop to the same level by excluding the couple from the guest list, or by improperly addressing their invitation. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I have the perfect solution for "Steaming in S.F." Of course she must invite that dreadful woman to the wedding! Her husband's career will be the casualty if she doesn't. However, she can get some revenge in a subtle yet satisfying manner if she's having a sit-down dinner at the reception.

At every wedding, there's one table where the hostess seats those guests who just don't seem to fit in with the others. Usually, at least one of the people at this table is a distant relative who never shuts up and has an opinion about everything. Seat "Mrs. X" next to this guest. Maybe she'll even leave early! -- NOBODY'S VICTIM ANYMORE, ATLANTA

DEAR NOBODY'S VICTIM: Spoken like a true veteran of the social scene. The name for that table is "Siberia." You're not the only reader who identified with "Steaming in S.F." Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I agree with your advice to "Still Steaming in S.F.," who was publicly snubbed by the wife of her husband's business partner. I had a similar experience.

The social event at which I was snubbed eight years ago was a lovely outdoor wedding shower that was being held for my fiance and me. The "snubber" fancied herself to be a major mover in local political circles. She was not even on the list of suggested guests we had given the hostess. She was a good friend of the host and hostess, and my fiance was casually acquainted with her. When he attempted to introduce me to this woman, she was extremely rude and acted as if I were invisible. I was shocked and embarrassed.

I later learned that during my fiance's bachelorhood, this woman had tried repeatedly -- but unsuccessfully -- to fix him up with her various girlfriends. I now realize that the snub had nothing to do with me -- and everything to do with her frustration at failing in her matchmaking efforts. She was being a poor loser. "Steaming" might very well find a similar history between her husband-to-be and the law partner's wife. -- SNUBBED AND HAPPY IN ST. PAUL

DEAR SNUBBED AND HAPPY: Indeed she might. It's also possible that the law partner's wife was herself attracted to the woman's fiance. However, that's no excuse. It is the duty of the hostess to make sure all her guests enjoy themselves. Not only did she fail at that, she behaved so badly other guests commented on it. That's hardly a social triumph.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have read your column for more than 20 years but have never written. However, I have not seen my problem addressed, and I'm hoping you can help me.

My wife and I enjoy season tickets to the Milwaukee Bucks with three other couples. When I go to the concession stand, I feel the polite thing to do is to ask if anyone else would like anything. Most of the time, the other couples will order a snack or beverage. I always buy them. The problem is they rarely reciprocate. Occasionally, they'll offer, but more often than not they simply do not go to the concession stand or wait until I go.

At times, I actually hold off getting a soda for fear that it will end up being a $30 trip. They are not otherwise what I would call "cheap." We have never had a problem splitting a restaurant bill.

As I'm sure you are aware, the prices at auditoriums and stadiums are quite steep. Any suggestions? Please hurry, or I may go broke through the playoffs. -- GOING FOR BROKE FOR THE BUCKS

DEAR GOING FOR BROKE: It's time to stop jumping through hoops for your friends. The next time you return from the concession stand with an armload of goodies, announce what each of them owes you for the items they requested. To do so is not considered impolite, and it's better than going broke in the bleachers.

DEAR ABBY: I saw the letters about class projects in which students wrote something nice about the other students, and how appreciated those comments were. Let me tell you about a project with unfortunate results.

I have a sweet, intelligent daughter I'll call "Gina." Two years ago, her fourth-grade teacher asked the students to write something nice about each of the other students, then gave the messages to the student to whom they pertained. The teacher did not look over the messages before she distributed them.

Abby, while Gina received many compliments, they were interspersed with painful, cruel comments such as, "Gina has a big nose," "Gina is fat," "Gina wears ugly clothes," "Gina is dumb." I didn't cry in front of my daughter when I read them, but I broke down later.

When Gina's teacher learned there were hurtful remarks on her paper, she tried to erase them, but the words were still faintly visible. She made the guilty students apologize, but the damage had already been done. I asked Gina if she wanted me to keep the paper because of all the nice comments written there, but she said, "No, I don't ever want to see that paper again."

I know the teacher meant well, but she should have reviewed the comments before she distributed them. Abby, please remind teachers to do that, because even with the most positive exercise, ugliness can show its face. -- MOM OF A WOUNDED DAUGHTER

DEAR MOM: You're right. Children can be cruel, and the teacher was thoughtless and naive to have circulated the papers without first having checked them over. The kind of hurt your daughter experienced can linger for years.

Help Gina explore and develop her talents in an area in which she can shine and receive positive reinforcement. And please reassure her that very few people are universally popular. It is unrealistic to expect everyone to like you. Some people require more time than others to develop their social skills.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My mother insisted I read the letter from "Married (Really!)" -- it was fantastic! Six weeks ago, I replied, "In a heartbeat," when the love of my life asked me to marry him. My engagement ring is a diamond-shaped turquoise stone set in sterling silver. It's a Native American piece we found in our favorite antique shop. I can't begin to tell you how proud I am of it, what it means to me, and how special the man who gave it to me is. Neither of us is a gold-and-diamond person. We love the western United States, the outdoors, Levis and a comfortable pair of boots. Silver and turquoise was the natural choice.

An Apache legend says that if you follow a rainbow to its end and dig in the wet earth, you'll find precious turquoise. So my comment to anyone who questions the significance of my "rock" is: "Diamonds look like ice; ice is cold. Why would I want a chunk of ice announcing my engagement?"

Thank you, Abby. That clipping is heading for the keepsake box. You may print my name. -- ANN KELLY (SOON TO BE SNYDER), SIDNEY, ILL.

DEAR ANN: My congratulations to you and your fiance. You are a wise woman. Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend -- the man who asks her to share his future is. Regardless of Apache legend, the treasure at the end of your rainbow was your fiance. May it ever be thus. Some of the responses I've received about wedding rings have been gems. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing to encourage "Married (Really!)" whose wedding vows are represented by silver and turquoise wedding rings. She seems at her wit's end in dealing with the rude remarks of others regarding this very personal choice of rings.

When my husband and I married, we exchanged lovely rings, each with three diamonds. However, several years into our marriage we both found ourselves working in jobs where wearing rings would be hazardous or they could easily be lost. By mutual consent, we stored our precious rings and wear them only on special occasions.

When we first started appearing without our rings, the small-town rumor mill started churning. Now, 15 years later, people are still amazed to see us together. We've been happily married for nearly 30 years. Each passing year is richer than the last -- and quite frankly, I couldn't care less what others think about our marriage. I certainly do not have to prove to anyone that I am married.

So, "Married (Really!)," enjoy the rings you and your spouse chose as the symbol of your loving bond with each other, and to heck with anyone who questions your marital status. -- STILL MARRIED (REALLY!), GREAT FALLS, MONT.

DEAR STILL MARRIED: Rumors can be devastating if you let them. I applaud your healthy attitude. If everyone swept his own doorstep, the world would be a better place. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I'm responding to the letter from "Married (Really!) in Arizona." When my wife and I were engaged, I could afford only a modest wedding band set with a very small diamond. Years later, in better times, I broached the idea of a new engagement ring with a larger diamond.

My wife was appalled at the idea. The original was the ring that I had given her, and no other could replace it! I have since come to realize that the real jewel in our marriage is the love we have for each other. -- BOB IN BUFFALO

DEAR BOB: Absolutely. I couldn't have put it more succinctly.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets I and II, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)