DEAR ABBY: I have read your column for more than 20 years but have never written. However, I have not seen my problem addressed, and I'm hoping you can help me.

My wife and I enjoy season tickets to the Milwaukee Bucks with three other couples. When I go to the concession stand, I feel the polite thing to do is to ask if anyone else would like anything. Most of the time, the other couples will order a snack or beverage. I always buy them. The problem is they rarely reciprocate. Occasionally, they'll offer, but more often than not they simply do not go to the concession stand or wait until I go.

At times, I actually hold off getting a soda for fear that it will end up being a $30 trip. They are not otherwise what I would call "cheap." We have never had a problem splitting a restaurant bill.

As I'm sure you are aware, the prices at auditoriums and stadiums are quite steep. Any suggestions? Please hurry, or I may go broke through the playoffs. -- GOING FOR BROKE FOR THE BUCKS

DEAR GOING FOR BROKE: It's time to stop jumping through hoops for your friends. The next time you return from the concession stand with an armload of goodies, announce what each of them owes you for the items they requested. To do so is not considered impolite, and it's better than going broke in the bleachers.

DEAR ABBY: I saw the letters about class projects in which students wrote something nice about the other students, and how appreciated those comments were. Let me tell you about a project with unfortunate results.

I have a sweet, intelligent daughter I'll call "Gina." Two years ago, her fourth-grade teacher asked the students to write something nice about each of the other students, then gave the messages to the student to whom they pertained. The teacher did not look over the messages before she distributed them.

Abby, while Gina received many compliments, they were interspersed with painful, cruel comments such as, "Gina has a big nose," "Gina is fat," "Gina wears ugly clothes," "Gina is dumb." I didn't cry in front of my daughter when I read them, but I broke down later.

When Gina's teacher learned there were hurtful remarks on her paper, she tried to erase them, but the words were still faintly visible. She made the guilty students apologize, but the damage had already been done. I asked Gina if she wanted me to keep the paper because of all the nice comments written there, but she said, "No, I don't ever want to see that paper again."

I know the teacher meant well, but she should have reviewed the comments before she distributed them. Abby, please remind teachers to do that, because even with the most positive exercise, ugliness can show its face. -- MOM OF A WOUNDED DAUGHTER

DEAR MOM: You're right. Children can be cruel, and the teacher was thoughtless and naive to have circulated the papers without first having checked them over. The kind of hurt your daughter experienced can linger for years.

Help Gina explore and develop her talents in an area in which she can shine and receive positive reinforcement. And please reassure her that very few people are universally popular. It is unrealistic to expect everyone to like you. Some people require more time than others to develop their social skills.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My mother insisted I read the letter from "Married (Really!)" -- it was fantastic! Six weeks ago, I replied, "In a heartbeat," when the love of my life asked me to marry him. My engagement ring is a diamond-shaped turquoise stone set in sterling silver. It's a Native American piece we found in our favorite antique shop. I can't begin to tell you how proud I am of it, what it means to me, and how special the man who gave it to me is. Neither of us is a gold-and-diamond person. We love the western United States, the outdoors, Levis and a comfortable pair of boots. Silver and turquoise was the natural choice.

An Apache legend says that if you follow a rainbow to its end and dig in the wet earth, you'll find precious turquoise. So my comment to anyone who questions the significance of my "rock" is: "Diamonds look like ice; ice is cold. Why would I want a chunk of ice announcing my engagement?"

Thank you, Abby. That clipping is heading for the keepsake box. You may print my name. -- ANN KELLY (SOON TO BE SNYDER), SIDNEY, ILL.

DEAR ANN: My congratulations to you and your fiance. You are a wise woman. Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend -- the man who asks her to share his future is. Regardless of Apache legend, the treasure at the end of your rainbow was your fiance. May it ever be thus. Some of the responses I've received about wedding rings have been gems. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing to encourage "Married (Really!)" whose wedding vows are represented by silver and turquoise wedding rings. She seems at her wit's end in dealing with the rude remarks of others regarding this very personal choice of rings.

When my husband and I married, we exchanged lovely rings, each with three diamonds. However, several years into our marriage we both found ourselves working in jobs where wearing rings would be hazardous or they could easily be lost. By mutual consent, we stored our precious rings and wear them only on special occasions.

When we first started appearing without our rings, the small-town rumor mill started churning. Now, 15 years later, people are still amazed to see us together. We've been happily married for nearly 30 years. Each passing year is richer than the last -- and quite frankly, I couldn't care less what others think about our marriage. I certainly do not have to prove to anyone that I am married.

So, "Married (Really!)," enjoy the rings you and your spouse chose as the symbol of your loving bond with each other, and to heck with anyone who questions your marital status. -- STILL MARRIED (REALLY!), GREAT FALLS, MONT.

DEAR STILL MARRIED: Rumors can be devastating if you let them. I applaud your healthy attitude. If everyone swept his own doorstep, the world would be a better place. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I'm responding to the letter from "Married (Really!) in Arizona." When my wife and I were engaged, I could afford only a modest wedding band set with a very small diamond. Years later, in better times, I broached the idea of a new engagement ring with a larger diamond.

My wife was appalled at the idea. The original was the ring that I had given her, and no other could replace it! I have since come to realize that the real jewel in our marriage is the love we have for each other. -- BOB IN BUFFALO

DEAR BOB: Absolutely. I couldn't have put it more succinctly.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets I and II, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing from Littleton, Colo. Just the other day there was a shooting near my house in Columbine. Fortunately, I do not attend Columbine High because I attend school farther north. Still, many of my friends went there.

Almost immediately after the shooting, my school was on lockdown -- but as soon as I was let out, I went straight to my church. I was amazed at all of the people I found there. People who used to despise each other were hugging. People who never knew each other were talking. Although I was in a Catholic church, religion did not matter. There were rabbis, pastors and reverends. Buddhism and other religions were represented. Even atheists were there. It didn't matter who you were; we were all there as a community.

I spoke with people I never knew before and was deeply touched by their experiences. I ended up staying there for most of the night, and then returned and stayed there throughout the next day. I eventually learned that some of my friends were shot, which drew me even closer to the people I was with.

I just want to say a heartfelt thank-you to everyone who set aside their differences and helped us here in Littleton. -- VERY THANKFUL IN LITTLETON

DEAR THANKFUL: To you and to the other citizens of Littleton, I offer sympathy and prayers for recovery. The media brought your tragedy into millions of homes worldwide, and no one who witnessed the violence you experienced will remain untouched by it.

It's encouraging that your place of worship was where you sought refuge and comfort after leaving school, and that when you arrived you discovered the gathering to be ecumenical. Religion should bring people together, not divide them. As I have said in the past, a church is not a museum for saints -- it's a hospital for sinners. And I can think of no better place for wounded souls to begin healing.

DEAR ABBY: I am disturbed at your advice to "Wondering in Superior, Wis." concerning the baby shower for a second child. I have never heard that showers are only for the first child. Both of my children received showers -- and both of them were greatly needed, considering my children are of different sexes. Tomorrow I am attending a shower for a fourth daughter.

I have always considered a shower to be a celebration of a child's birth, each equally valued. Perhaps we should change the way we view this, and adopt a more generous, loving attitude. Every new mother can use the support of her friends, and a shower is simply a symbol of that.

I hope "Wondering" will reconsider and offer her friend her support. -- SHERREE IN OREGON

DEAR SHERREE: I didn't take into account the fact that the new baby might be a different sex from its older sibling. Although Emily Post and Amy Vanderbilt do not agree, your argument is convincing. You're right, the birth of a child is an event to celebrate. I, too, hope "Wondering" will reconsider and decide to support her friend.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)