DEAR ABBY: I have been married for a year to a wonderful man whom I dated for several years before we married. We have just decided to start a family. Here's the problem:

My husband insists I use his father's practice as my obstetrical team. He thinks I should see one of his father's partners during the pregnancy and have his father assist during the delivery.

To give you a little background, his father works in a practice with other doctors. Only one of the other doctors takes "call," and this is done only part time. That means my father-in-law is on call about 50 percent of the time and is the person contacted if an emergency arises or labor starts. Also, other family members work in his office and have access to all the medical records.

I feel extremely uncomfortable that my husband is trying to dictate what doctor (or practice) I use, especially since these are the most private examinations performed. I feel as though I should be able to use a doctor with whom I'm 100 percent comfortable. I feel very uncomfortable using his father's practice for numerous reasons:

1. I really need privacy and to be 100 percent honest with my practitioner, and I know I couldn't be in that office, as everyone will probably read the records.

2. My father-in-law has asked me questions about pap smears in front of other family members and brought a blood test of mine home from his office and laid it on the kitchen table for all to see.

3. I want to be able to make the decision about who I use as my obstetrician.

This is causing a lot of stress in my marriage. My husband says if I don't go to his father's practice, his family will be "crushed." I then asked him what was more important, my feeling comfortable with my practitioner throughout my pregnancy or his need to please his parents. I got no response.

This whole topic is really creepy, if you ask me. Abby, what are your thoughts on this? -- UNCOMFORTABLE

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: I don't blame you for feeling uncomfortable, since your father-in-law has already breached your confidentiality. Your reasons for wanting a doctor who can protect your privacy seem logical and sensible to me. No one should be with you in the delivery room unless you wholeheartedly want him (or her) there. Childbirth is stressful enough without having someone present who makes you uncomfortable.

If you are confronted about your choice of obstetricians, I urge you to speak your mind and make no apologies for your feelings. They are personal preferences to which you are entitled.

DEAR ABBY: "Beauty Secrets" -- the wonderful poem in your March 18 column -- was written by the late humorist Sam Levenson, whose writings continue to entertain and inspire many people. The poem can be found in his book, "In One Era & Out the Other." -- WEST HEMPSTEAD, N.Y., READER

DEAR READER: Thank you for the input. Barry Paris included the poem in the biography he wrote titled "Audrey Hepburn." This poem described so aptly the way she led her life that it could have been written expressly for her.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: On Jan. 11, 1994, my nephew made a fatal mistake. He accepted a ride from a man who had been drinking. Three hours later, we received a call from my nephew's wife -- he was on a respirator and was not expected to survive due to severe brain damage. It seems the driver had trouble making a curve in the road because he was speeding and intoxicated. The car struck a tree. The driver left him and the scene. Although it was a horrible shock, certain staff members at the hospital were able to guide us to the decision to donate his organs and tissue.

Death is never easy or painless, but take it from me -- grief can be transformed into an energy that can save the lives of so many. The death of one person can spare the lives of five or more people, and can even give sight to the blind.

There are also living donors: kidney, bone marrow, blood, red cells and platelets -- the possibilities are endless.

On April 16, I took my nephew's daughter to Washington, D.C., for the 1999 National Donor Family Recognition Ceremony. My family was joined by my nephew's kidney recipient. It was a celebration of a life that is burning brightly in others.

We still miss him very much, but we have been shown by God that there is no death. I encourage all to find a way to give. Even the smallest donation is larger than none. -- LORI NELSON, FORT WORTH, TEXAS

DEAR LORI: Your letter carries a powerful and positive message.

The most frequent source of transplant organs are the estimated 6,000 to 10,000 people who die of brain death each year in intensive care units in hospitals. Most of the donors are otherwise healthy individuals who are injured in freeway accidents, shootings or other tragedies.

The biggest obstacle in organ procurement is resistance on the part of families. Although health-care professionals request that families donate, many families who are approached are reluctant to permit it. That is why it is vital that those who want to become organ donors explain their wishes to their families early on. Organ donation cannot take place without the approval of the survivors.

DEAR ABBY: I wonder whether you may have missed the boat in your recent response to "Concerned Friend in Berkeley," who felt that an unmarried male friend was unhappy being the only unattached member of a group of friends made up of couples. You suggested that she discreetly seek to involve some single women in the group's activities and "let nature take its course."

However, reading between the lines of her description of her friend as "too shy to seek out a relationship, too proud to let his friends introduce him to a woman, and too private to discuss his feelings in depth," it sounds quite possible that he might in fact be gay, but deeply closeted (perhaps seeking to deny it even to himself).

One should not, of course, jump too hastily to such a conclusion, but neither should the very real possibility be overlooked. There are still many such people in this day of relative openness. -- JIM RICKETSON, RICHMOND, VA.

DEAR JIM: That's true. However, he could also be a person who enjoys being single, and feels no compulsion to bring a date if there's no one in whom he's particularly interested.

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DEAR ABBY: My problem concerns my roommate. We are both third-year college students who transferred to a university together last summer. Because we moved here together, there was no urgency to go out and make new friends. However, I have begun joining clubs and getting involved with church on my own.

My roommate doesn't say anything when I go out with my new friends, but she's obviously miffed when I return. If I try to get her involved, she clings to me and makes fun of the other people in the group. She doesn't enjoy doing many of the things I do, and acts sullen and bored when I include her but gets upset if I don't.

Our lease will expire in August, and we recently received a letter asking whether or not we would be renewing. Both of us agreed that we wouldn't live here next year because it's too expensive, so she keeps asking when I want to go apartment hunting. Abby, I have already been looking secretly, and I don't know how to tell her I prefer not to live with her anymore. I still consider her a friend, and I don't want to hurt her.

What should I do? Another friend tells me that "the devil I know is better than the one I don't know," and that I should just live with my current roommate again next year. -- IN A BIND IN BOSTON

DEAR IN A BIND: Part of the learning experience in going away to school is meeting new people and adjusting to new situations. Since you are no longer comfortable living with your present roommate, she must be told ASAP that you intend to make other arrangements. That will give her plenty of time to find comfortable living quarters for herself.

Be prepared to stand firm, because if she's as dependent as you have described, she'll try to argue and maneuver you into changing your mind. Firmly stress that you still want to be her friend, but that it's important that you both grow and spread your wings during your senior year of college.

DEAR ABBY: May I remind people that there are single fathers who care for their children? Most people seem to think that only mothers have custody of young children. Believe me, a number of single fathers are raising their children.

A few years ago, I took my 20-month-old daughter into the men's room to change her diaper. On the way in, I saw a woman look at me in shock and horror that I was taking a baby girl into the men's room.

Another customer had a different reaction. She said, "Isn't that sweet! Her father is taking care of her." I wanted to shout: "No, it's not sweet. She is my daughter and I love her. I am not trying to be 'sweet.' I am trying to take care of her and raise her with morals, feelings for others, and the ability to stand on her own two feet someday and contribute to society."

Abby, the bottom line is people should be aware that there are able single fathers as well as single mothers. -- DOUGLAS L. GAYNOR IN VIRGINIA BEACH, VA.

DEAR DOUGLAS: In case anyone has forgotten -- I'm printing your reminder. I salute you.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)