DEAR ABBY: I'm a 65-year-old woman. My husband is 68. For the past seven years my husband (I'll call him Earl) hasn't been able to perform in the bedroom. To be honest, that didn't bother me one bit. Six months ago he decided to have an implant. Now he thinks he's a young stud again. He pesters me to death and wants sex four or five times a week, when once a week is more than I can handle.
My best friend, "Mildred," has been widowed for more than a year. She keeps telling me to send Earl over to her house as she has been starving since her husband died. I know she's very clean and free of any disease. I told her that I would write to you, and if you gave your approval, I would agree.
I'm not afraid of losing Earl, as Mildred isn't good-looking at all and she's a terrible cook. (My husband enjoys eating.)
Please answer this in your column because Earl picks up the mail, but neither he nor Mildred reads your column. -- PESTERED WIFE IN PHOENIX
DEAR PESTERED: Don't agree to the arrangement. If Earl and Mildred are "cooking on all burners" in the bedroom, you might be surprised to find he's less preoccupied with what's coming out of the kitchen. And as for having nothing to fear because Mildred isn't at all good-looking -- let me remind you what Benjamin Franklin said: "All cats are gray in the dark." I urge you to keep the home fires burning, and if Mildred says she's "starving," tell her to order take-out.