DEAR ABBY: I am an attractive, college-educated woman. For the past 18 months, I have been living with my boyfriend, "John," an attorney in a four-man firm. About six months ago, one of his partners threw a large, formal dinner to celebrate an important firm victory. Although I had met this partner and his wife (I'll call them Mel and Alice) many times, and they knew we lived together, the invitation came addressed to "John Doe and guest."

At the dinner, John was greeted warmly and introduced to the other guests, an assortment of accomplished and well-known local socialites. I was barely acknowledged and was left standing alone as John was escorted around the room. At dinner, I was seated at Alice's table. She never addressed a single comment to me, nor did she acknowledge any of my attempts to join the conversation.

Later, Alice approached each of the other ladies and invited them to join her for a tour of her beautiful home. She left me standing in the living room alone with the men. The snubbing was so pointed that later others commented on it to John. Being socially shy and insecure anyway, I was devastated.

John and I are being married soon. I do not want this nasty woman at my wedding. Even more, I do not want to give Alice the chance to snub me again by declining my invitation. John says we have no choice but to invite them. How should I handle this? It's eating me up. -- STILL STEAMING IN S.F.

DEAR STILL STEAMING: I don't know what was eating your hostess, but don't let her appalling display of bad manners eat away at your self-esteem.

You have my sympathy, but if John feels it's necessary to invite his partners to the wedding, regard it as business and include everyone. It will be your chance to show one and all what a terrific life partner and helpmate John has selected. To do anything less than be gracious would reduce you to her level.

DEAR ABBY: The letter about the teaching nun reminded me of the only teacher who treated me like I was someone special. His name was Mr. Fleming, and he was a teacher at Glenbrook North High School in Northbrook, Ill. I was a student there between 1966 and 1969.

I came from a large family. I had no confidence whatsoever and was suicidal at times. No one paid any attention to me, and I was going downhill. Then classes started, and all of a sudden there was this teacher who made each and every one of us feel important and that we could accomplish anything. Needless to say, there was always perfect attendance in his class.

The sister who instructed her students to each write down something nice about their fellow students was truly inspired. Luckily, I had Mr. Fleming -- but for students who are not so fortunate, the sister's idea could be a real blessing. Teen-agers' feelings are so tender and fragile. -- BEEN THERE IN PARKLAND, FLA.

DEAR BEEN THERE: Many former students have had teachers who influenced their lives in positive ways long after their school years were over. A wonderful way to repay the kindness is to write the teachers a letter and tell them what a difference they made. Such a letter would become a treasured keepsake.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: When I read the letter from "Father Time," I had to write. Please consider the text of the enclosed e-mail that was sent to my daughter, who was a math major in college.

"Who am I to disagree with the eggheads, but it seems to me that computer types have the same disadvantage the ancient Romans had -- no zero! Some say the next century doesn't start until the year 2001. I say that's like saying there's nothing between zero and one!

"From flat broke to $1 is 99 cents in my book. If you have one penny (1/100 dollar), you're on your way to $1. From zero to 10 is 10. From 10 to 11 is one. From 10 to 20 is 10. From zero to one is an infinite number of fractions, and these fractions are something to be considered. Or did I miss something in the first grade? Doesn't midnight, Jan. 1, 2000, equal year 2000 plus 1/365th year?"

Abby, I'll bet you're sorry you agreed with "Father Time" about the start of the new millennium. -- FLOYD IN VICTORVILLE, CALIF.

DEAR FLOYD: Let me put it this way: When I printed that letter, I had no idea I'd wind up in the middle of a hot controversy. I have been deluged with letters arguing both sides of this question, and now I'm beginning to wonder if it isn't just a matter of perspective. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: "Father Time," who reminded us that the new millennium will start Jan. 1, 2001 (and not 2000), is right, of course, but your response raises another "timely" point concerning the century. A century being defined as any period of 100 years, we can talk about the 1900s as a century (1900 to 1999) OR we can interest ourselves with the 20th century (1901 to 2000, which does not coincide with the 1900s), which will end the instant that the 21st century begins -- that is, Jan. 1, 2001. -- CLOCK WATCHER, ONTARIO, CALIF.

DEAR CLOCK WATCHER: My head is spinning! Read on:

DEAR ABBY: "Father Time" is correct -- there are 100 years in a century. However, the first century doesn't encompass the years 1 through 100; it encompasses the years 0 through 99. Babies are not 1 year old when they're born. They TURN 1 after a year has passed. All measuring sticks start at 0 -- not 1. So don't be embarrassed, Abby. It's "Father Time" who needs to reset his clock, not you. -- RUTH IN PHOENIX (SOON TO CELEBRATE THE NEW MILLENNIUM)

DEAR RUTH: Thank you for the kind words. I'll print just one more letter on this subject, because at this point my entire office staff are at each other's throats. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: If Matthew 2:1 is correct, we may have already passed the year 2001. When Dionysius Exiguus looked back more than 500 years and calculated when Jesus was born, he chose a time that secular historians say was four years after the death of King Herod! Not knowing exactly the age of Jesus when the "wise men" entered the "house" (verse 11), we can estimate that Jesus was born between 2 B.C. and 7 B.C., which means that we are now between 2001 and 2006 A.D. or C.E. (Common Era).

Whether we celebrate in 2000 or 2001 has no real significance, but those who wait a year will have 366 days of frustration (don't forget it's leap year). -- THE REV. W. CARROLL TINSLEY, DECATUR, GA.

DEAR MR. TINSLEY: That depends on how you look at it. At least those who observe 2001 as the beginning of the new millennium won't have any trouble getting a reservation for their celebration.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband passed away 11 months ago. A former co-worker advised me to take a trip to "get away from it all." I took her advice and went on the trip of a lifetime, to Greece, in September.

While I was on this trip, I met "Richard," a gentleman who had lost his wife. We hit it off and spent a lot of time getting acquainted. At one point, he bought me an expensive gift, which I tried to refuse, but he insisted I keep it. It was something I had admired but was too costly for my budget. I am not poor; I own my home, car, have some savings and own some stock. I live on a fairly small widow's pension, but if I budget and am careful I'll do fine.

After we returned to the states, Richard called me regularly, sent me flowers when I was hospitalized and has generally been a good friend. The problem is his daughter, "Liz." She dislikes me intensely.

Richard arranged to visit me for a week to meet my friends and family. They thought he was terrific and were happy for us. When I went to visit him, he had a welcome poster printed and hung in his living room. When Liz saw the poster, she tore it down and threw it in the garbage. She informed me that she did not welcome me and thought I was a "fortune hunter." She even threatened to hit me!

Liz tried to convince her father to give her power of attorney while he was out of town, as she has been handling his finances for him. His sister advised him not to let his daughter run his life, and that he should take Liz's name off his checking account and take care of his own bills. Of course, Liz thinks this was my idea. I tried to explain to her that I have no designs on her father's money, if he has any, and that we're just good friends who enjoy traveling together.

When we first got together, I told Richard I would not see him if his daughter objected. The problem is, he told me he would just "give up on life" if we couldn't see each other, and he'd rather be dead than lonely.

Abby, I am 56; Richard is 72. He lives in Michigan and I live in Montana, and neither of us wants to remarry, as it would complicate our lives.

Any advice you can give me will be greatly appreciated. -- LONELY IN MONTANA

DEAR LONELY: Do not for one moment think that this is about you. It's about money. Since Liz pays all of her father's bills, she is aware of the expensive gift he gave you, and obviously views you as a threat to her inheritance. Unless Richard wants his daughter running his life, he needs to take control of his financial affairs.

I see no reason for you and Richard to end your friendship or forgo traveling together because of his daughter's determination to control him. My advice to both of you: Listen to your hearts.

CONFIDENTIAL TO HURT IN JUNEAU: Perhaps you misunderstood your friend. It's possible that what she said was intended as a compliment. Consider the sage words of Supreme Court Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr. (1841-1935) in Towne vs. Eisner (Jan. 7, 1918): "A word is not a crystal, transparent and unchanging; it is the skin of a living thought and may vary greatly in color and content according to the circumstances and the time in which it is used."

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)