DEAR ABBY: I am almost 19 years old. I live at home with my parents while going to school full-time, working part-time and helping my mother baby-sit two little boys four days a week. I also help around the house whenever I'm asked. I have never given my mother any reason not to trust me. I'm a very responsible young adult.

My problem is my curfew. My mother feels I should be home every night by 1 a.m., and I feel I am mature enough to decide what time to come home. I have a cell phone and a pager, so I can be reached at any time. I don't get off work until after 10 p.m., and one night a week I would like to stay out late with my friends. It's hard to visit and socialize when I have so little time. -- NIGHT OWL IN NASHVILLE, TENN.

DEAR NIGHT OWL: Your request for an extension of your curfew one night a week sounds reasonable to me. However, in your parents' home they are entitled to make the rules, and as long as you live under their roof, you must abide by their decisions. If your mother is unwilling to relax her restrictions, consider moving out and sharing an apartment with some of your friends. That way you can make your own rules.

DEAR ABBY: You recently printed a list of signs of teen-age drug abuse. Although the list is valuable for parents, you should know that a majority of those signs could also be signs of sexual, physical or emotional abuse.

Out of the 11 warning signs, I exhibited nine as a teen-ager, and I wasn't using drugs. I had been twice molested as a child by two neighbor boys. My family didn't talk about it because a psychiatrist told my parents not to bring it up. During my teens, I struggled with my sexuality and insecurities brought on by the abuse. I was embarrassed and felt dirty. I was in terrible emotional pain and had no one to talk to. My parents knew I was depressed but didn't know how to approach me. They accused me of having an "attitude" problem. I was desperate for help, but had no way of asking.

I was able to get past being a teen-ager, but I was angry at my parents for not recognizing I needed help. I came from a close family with parents who cared very much for me. There were many good times, but I had a deep sadness that never fully went away. It affected my entire family.

I would urge parents to stop and consider: Could your child be acting out for other reasons than drugs? Could your child be crying out for help? When approaching your child, be careful not to accuse. Be understanding. Ask questions.

If your child refuses to talk to you about personal things, consider seeking professional help. This help is as much for you as it is for your child. Generally, if a child is acting out or using drugs, it's a family problem. Even the best families can have a breakdown of communications. There's no such thing as a "perfect" teen-ager or a "perfect" parent. It's OK to ask for help. -- BEEN THERE IN PORTLAND

DEAR BEEN THERE: I agree that if a child is "acting out" or using drugs, it's a family problem. And the logical place to start to resolve it is by alerting the family physician that something is wrong, and seeking an appropriate referral -- whether it's for substance abuse intervention, emotional or behavior problems, or family therapy.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My best friend is being married this summer, and she has asked me to be one of her bridesmaids. We have been friends since the third grade. My parents have always treated her like one of their own children. We see her only a couple of times a year now, because she moved 800 miles away.

Abby, I recently learned that my parents are not invited to the wedding. Am I wrong to feel hurt that they are excluded? If she had to limit the number of guests, why didn't she just omit my sisters and make room for my parents, who have always been so good to her?

I always thought that proper etiquette requires the parents of wedding attendants to be invited to the wedding. Am I wrong? -- NETTLED IN NANTUCKET

DEAR NETTLED: Although most etiquette experts say the parents of attendants should be invited to the wedding, Emily Post explains that it is a nice gesture when feasible, but not necessary. It's possible that budget constraints caused your friend to limit her guest list. Please give her the benefit of the doubt. Don't take this personally or allow it to sour a lifelong friendship.

DEAR ABBY: Enclosed is a poem my late father wrote in 1951 for Mother's Day. I thought you might like to print it. -- PAT KIRKLAND, RENTON, WASH.

DEAR PAT: Absolutely! Your father's poem carries a strong message for children who live at a distance from their mothers. If the message is taken to heart, it should brighten Mother's Day for many a mother. Read on:

THOUGHT FOR MOTHER'S DAY

If you have a gray-haired mother

In the old home, far away,

Sit down and write the letter

You've put off from day to day.

Don't wait until your weary steps

Have reached the pearly gate,

But let her know you think of her

Before it is too late.

If you have a tender message --

A loving word to say --

Don't wait till you forget it,

But whisper it today.

Who knows what bitter memories

May haunt you if you wait;

So make your loved ones happy

Before it is too late.

The tender words unspoken,

The letters never sent,

The long forgotten messages,

The wealth of love unspent --

For those, some hearts are breaking.

For those, some loved ones wait --

So make your mother happy

Before it is too late.

-- A. ROBERTSON, SOUTH BURNABY, B.C., CANADA

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Every time I pick up a newspaper, or see on the evening news a story about "road rage," I can't help but fear that my husband could be the next victim. "Alex" is an otherwise intelligent, caring individual who becomes the terror of the highway whenever he gets behind the wheel. He is somehow convinced that he's the only person who understands the rules of the road, and it has become his mission in life to educate other drivers.

His aggressive behavior includes slamming on his brakes -- even on the interstate -- when he thinks the car behind is tailgating. When he feels cars in the fast lane are going too slow, he cuts in on them and gives them the finger. Anyone who doesn't "step on it" at an intersection is in for a long blast on the horn to "wake them up." I'm afraid when our 15-year-old son gets his license, he'll think he can drive the same way.

I've tried to point out to him that this type of behavior could get us killed, but when he's behind the wheel, he's like a maniac. When Alex gets home and calms down he always apologizes for getting carried away, but it's the same story all over again the next time we're in the car.

Abby, I can't avoid riding with him because we have only one car. What can I do to convince Alex how stupid and dangerous this really is? -- A ROAD WARRIOR'S WIFE IN RHODE ISLAND

DEAR WIFE: The next time "Alex" begins apologizing, let him know in no uncertain terms that you are taking over as the designated driver for the family until he takes a defensive driving course and seeks counseling to rechannel his anger.

Since your son is nearing the age when he too will get behind the wheel, the three of you could sign up for defensive driving classes as a family. In addition to driving schools, which are listed in the telephone directory, defensive driving classes are often available at community colleges and through your local automobile club. Please write again and let me know what impact this has on Alex's driver attitude. I care.

DEAR ABBY: I just celebrated 10 years of sobriety. I hope the enclosed item will motivate anyone who has a drinking problem to RUN, not walk, to AA before it's too late. I can testify that life is better without the bottle. It doesn't matter if people come from Yale or jail -- we in AA want them to join us. Their life will get better. I promise. -- "MUMPS" MOM

DEAR "MUMPS" MOM: Congratulations on your 10 years of sobriety. May you be able to celebrate every single year.

I hope the item you sent will inspire those with an addiction to alcohol to join you in recovery through AA. Read on:

"I drank for happiness and became unhappy.

"I drank for joy and became miserable.

"I drank for sociability and became argumentative.

"I drank for sophistication and became obnoxious.

"I drank for friendship and made enemies.

"I drank for sleep and woke up tired.

"I drank for strength and felt weak.

"I drank for relaxation and got the shakes.

"I drank for courage and became afraid.

"I drank for confidence and became doubtful.

"I drank to make conversation and it slurred my speech.

"I drank to feel heavenly and ended up feeling like hell." -- ANONYMOUS

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)