DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Yuri" for almost 14 years. We have three children. It hasn't always been easy. We have had our differences. Recently, Yuri told me that he loved me less than he used to. Abby, I don't know what to make of this.

Does this mean the love is permanently gone, or do we have a chance of bringing back the flame? -- CONFUSED IN WENDOVER, ONTARIO, CANADA

DEAR CONFUSED: Your husband may have meant that the "spark" has dimmed in your marriage -- but I wouldn't call that hopeless. I suspect he was either angry when he said it, or he misses the "excitement" of first love.

Several things can be done to rekindle the passion you once felt for each other. Start thinking about what attracted you and Yuri to each other in the first place, and use that to recapture the magic of your early years together. Consult a marriage counselor to explore what issues might be dividing you. Explore a marriage encounter program designed to make a good marriage even better. If you opt to try this avenue, check with your church about the availability of such programs.

DEAR ABBY: A reader asked you why some people are offended when you ask them their age.

My Eastern European grandmother was a Polish Jew. She died in 1954, when she was in her 90s. She would not divulge her age, or even discuss age in general. Gray hair was not in her makeup either.

Her generation with the same ethnic background believed that the angel of death was constantly looking and seeking candidates. If the angel heard her discussing or revealing her age, he would realize that he had overlooked my grandmother. -- THE VIRGINIA AGE MAVEN

DEAR VIRGINIA AGE MAVEN: (For those who might not know, "maven" means expert or authority in Yiddish.) Thank you for a fascinating letter. It reminded me of another interesting Jewish superstition. The reason Ashkenazy Jewish people do not name their sons "junior" is the fear that the angel of death might confuse the generations and take the child instead of the father.

For a clever response to the age question for those who prefer not to reveal that information, read on:

DEAR ABBY: In response to the letter about people who become offended when asked their age, a simple reply will do. Say, "Age is only a number and mine is unlisted." That should stop the curious in their tracks. -- C.G. IN SPRING HILL, FLA.

DEAR C.G.: You are a wit! Another reader wrote that her mother stopped such personal questions with this response: "Can you keep a secret? I can!" With a little humor, even the rudest questions can be answered without divulging personal information.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I recently gave a party for about 50 of my friends. One of the late arrivals was my beautiful and talented friend "Sara," who arrived accompanied by her new beau, "Sam," whom I had not yet met, but about whom I had heard quite a bit. I greeted them both warmly and invited them into my home. But what I really wanted to do was turn to my other guests and call out, "This is Sam, the man who has been beating our friend Sara."

Since the party, others have told me that had they realized who he was, they wouldn't have shaken his hand, or they would have "told him a thing or two." The bottom line is that we were all polite, even cordial, toward him -- and that's what is bothering me. I know enough about domestic violence to know that if you make the abuser uncomfortable, he will inevitably take it out on the victim. But if we all remain silent, it can appear as though we condone his behavior which, of course, we do not.

I still feel uneasy about treating him as though he were any other welcome guest. As a host, Abby, how would you have handled it? -- THE HOSTESS WHO KNEW TOO MUCH IN FLORIDA

DEAR HOSTESS: I would have handled it exactly the way you did. Publicly embarrassing Sam would not have curtailed his violence, and might have resulted in another beating for Sara.

However, you and Sara's other friends should not sit idly by. Let her know that she does not have to tolerate his abuse, that the beatings are not her fault regardless of how he tries to place the blame on her, and unless he is willing to get psychiatric help, he will not change. Sara should also be told that all of you support her, and for her own safety she must end this romance before he seriously injures or kills her.

DEAR ABBY: I'm responding to the two letters you printed about winery tasting room employees. I have worked in the wine hospitality business for more than 25 years, primarily as a consultant in tasting rooms.

It would be wrong for me to say there is absolutely not one person in the wine business -- or any other business -- with an alcohol problem. But there is no "dirty little secret" about tasting room employees.

My experience is that the vast majority of tasting room employees do not abuse wine, and I've worked with literally hundreds of employees. We practice responsible consumption for ourselves and our guests. The two letters you published on the subject are the exception, not the rule. The wine business is committed to using wine in moderation, particularly with meals. Please set the record straight. -- CRAIG ROOT, ST. HELENA, CALIF.

DEAR CRAIG: I think your letter does that very well. However, although the wine industry urges consumers to "enjoy in moderation," not all individuals are willing or able to acknowledge when enough is enough. It is not my intention to trash the industry, but the people whose letters I published were genuinely concerned about a small group of employees.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm 72 and my wife is 74. She has almost entirely quit doing any housework. She will grudgingly cook a meal now and then. I do the laundry, scrub floors and help with the dishes, but I'm not a homemaker. Her back is very bad but she won't have it looked at. She just complains all the time and says she can't do anything.

I wanted to hire some cleaning people to come in and help, but she won't have that.

We have so many clothes the closets are jammed. Nothing ever gets thrown out, so everything gets piled on the furniture or the floor.

The kitchen cupboards are jammed full because when she wants some canned food, instead of using what we have, it's easier to run out and buy some more. The countertops are loaded with cans and packages of food. She would rather eat out, which we do three or four times a week.

Abby, there isn't a surface in the house that doesn't have stuff piled up on it. To wrap a Christmas package, she had to lay it on the kitchen stove. I have suggested moving to an apartment where there isn't so much work to do, but she won't accept that, either.

Are there any solutions to my dilemma? -- DISTRAUGHT HUSBAND, PITTSBURGH

DEAR DISTRAUGHT: Yes, however they won't be easy. Your family doctor should be informed about your wife's behavior -- and any recent changes you have noticed. She may need a thorough physical and possibly neurological examination. She may be buying the large quantities of food in your kitchen not because it's "easier to run to the store," but because she has forgotten that she already has it.

From your description, your home may have become a fire or health hazard. If your wife is unwilling or unable to discard items you no longer use or need, an inspection by the local fire (or health) department should be scheduled to be certain that the clutter hasn't become a danger to both of you.

Please don't wait. Your wife needs help, and it's time you took charge. It may not be pleasant, but it's necessary for her sake and yours.

DEAR ABBY: Our priest (and friend) told us about the oppression of women in Afghanistan. We were so happy to see your column about their plight, and also the telephone number we could call to become a part of the protest against the rigid restrictions on these women.

Abby, your article must have been a great success. I started calling that number at 7 a.m. on the day that column appeared in our paper, and was not able to get through until 3 p.m.

My concern is that others may have become discouraged and given up trying. Please print the phone number again. -- DOROTHY BOHN, REDMOND, ORE.

DEAR DOROTHY: I have received a bushel of letters from readers who also had problems getting through to the telephone number I published. It seems the Feminist Majority was unprepared for the onslaught of calls that came pouring in -- and although they were able to handle more than 7,000, they estimate they "lost" at least that number. So, Readers, if you were unable to get through, please keep trying. The number to call is 1-888-939-6636.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)